Should I reach out/contact her again? Or wait?

I went on a date last week with a woman I met from a dating app. We met up for drinks and she seemed very enthusiastic - she immediately bought the first round (I bought the second later in the night), and was leaning towards me and sitting close the whole date. We talked for 2.5 hours or so, got a second round (as mentioned above) and there was some light arm touching. by all accounts, seemed like a good date.

The thing is, I was leaving town the next day for a 3 week work trip abroad. She knew this, and was excited to hear about it - but it creates a long gap before we could arrange another date. We both said we'd like to go out again when I'm back, and there was a quick kiss goodnight However, she had never actually given me her phone number - we arranged the first date through the app. That's fine - I know some women don't like to give out their number before a first meet. When we said goodbye and that we'd get together again, I said "You have my number, but I don't have yours." She said "I'll send it to you."

The next day before I left, I sent her a quick message on the app saying "I enjoyed the company and conversation last night. Look forward to doing it again once I'm back!" but I did not explicitly ask her for her number. She didn't respond to that message at all - nothing along the lines of "me too," etc. My sense was she enjoyed the date too - she was in no rush to leave, was touchy, wanted a second drink, and was open to a goodnight kiss. So at this point she hasn't responded to my follow up message, and I still don't have her #, although she told me she'd send it to me. I'm away about 2.5 more weeks, so it's still a while before we could set up a second date. Anyway, I'm wondering if I should contact her again on the app (not right away - but in a week or so) if I don't hear back to ask for her number so we can arrange to get together when I'm back?

Also wondering if I came off as too eager by sending her that follow-up the next day? I wanted to tell her I had a good time and set the stage to be in touch again before I left town, hence why I sent it that day. Usually after a good date if I end a message like that I get some response - but I also know she doesn't always look at the app regularly.

Since women get inn undated with messages on dating apps, I know it's more direct to communicate by actual text after the first date - but I can't reach out to her that way.

Any advice on how to proceed? Wait a week or so and message her again for her #? Wait until I get home and send her a message?

Is it a sign that she's not interested that she didn't send me her # after saying she would?

Should I have been more direct and just asked for her number after we kissed goodnight? I just didn't think to ask then since she said she'd send it...

She seemed much more into the date than many women who I've gone out with who have wanted a second date, so my sense was that she did - but not hearing back form her is making me less confident about it.

Thoughts? Thanks!!

It sounds like the date went well, but you're at a disadvantage leaving for 3 weeks. On dating apps everyone meets for drinks and even if things go well they continue to follow up on meets. All you can do is message her in 2 weeks and establish another date.

I said "You have my number, but I don't have yours." She said "I'll send it to you." I'm away about 2.5 more weeks.

What you sent to her was fine, however as a female I must tell you, she is not interested.

Get back on the dating app and keep trying, but not with her. Sorry.

What you sent to her was fine, however as a female I must tell you, she is not interested.

Get back on the dating app and keep trying, but not with her. Sorry.

Thanks for the response. Just curious - what about this tells you that she isn’t interested? Her not giving me her number?

She seemed to be showing much more interest in terms of body language and behavior on the date than several other women who have turned out to be interested.

Wondering what makes you so sure form what I shared.

Thanks for the response. Just curious - what about this tells you that she isn’t interested? Her not giving me her number?

 

She seemed to be showing much more interest in terms of body language and behavior on the date than several other women who have turned out to be interested.

 

Wondering what makes you so sure form what I shared.

Hi. I say this because there were drinks involved, and she may be a flirty person by nature.

As an example, I'm a touchy person. I will touch when talking to someone, even those I

don't know. Touch there arm, their hand, it's not even something I think about.

Not in a professional environment obviously, but in a social setting I will.

In general if a female had further interest, she would have replied to your message.

I get not giving her phone number out so quickly, I'm the same way in that regard.

You can try once more if you want when you return, but the chance of getting a reply

doesn't seem likely. I'm sorry. It's just my opinion. In the end, you need to do what you

feel is right :)

If a woman is into you, she will be the one who is messaging you the next day. Women don't hesitate to make it known that they want to either see you again or talk to you again.

You were the one messaging and she was in so rush to reply.

She might be going from date to date. But how she acted afterwards does not bode well, she doesn't seem too bothered.

You sent a message, you can wait a week and send another one and see if she responds to possibly set up another date but I would keep your options open and see who else is out there.

Btw, the message you sent the next day was nice and not over the top at all. You did everything right, it just sounds like it was with the wrong woman.

I completely disagree. As a woman who has used dating apps, I have to tell you, I get very busy, and it sometimes takes me a week to email guys back. I think your message was nice, and I think that before you get back from your trip, you should email her again and ask her out. Tell her to call you and send your number again. And then leave the ball in her court. Good luck!

If a woman is into you, she will be the one who is messaging you the next day. Women don't hesitate to make it known that they want to either see you again or talk to you again.

You were the one messaging and she was in so rush to reply.

 

She might be going from date to date. But how she acted afterwards does not bode well, she doesn't seem too bothered.

You sent a message, you can wait a week and send another one and see if she responds to possibly set up another date but I would keep your options open and see who else is out there.

Thanks for the response and thoughts. However, I disagree (from experience) that if a woman is into a guy she will always be the one messaging the next day. I've been on plenty of dates where I've been the one to message first afterwards and still had a second, third, more dates. So I don't take the fact that a woman doesn't message me first as a sign of disinterest. I'm usually the one to message first, and that doesn't seem to correlate with lack of interest always.

However, that said, I agree that her being in no rush to reply is what prompted me to question her interest and post here. I appreciate the insight though.

The additional twist here is that she knew I was leaving the next day (and I realize that my message to her didn't include asking her out again specifically, so there was no question to respond to). Wondering if she might just be putting it aside and seeing if I get back in touch when I get home. Guess that's all I can do.

I completely disagree. As a woman who has used dating apps, I have to tell you, I get very busy, and it sometimes takes me a week to email guys back. I think your message was nice, and I think that before you get back from your trip, you should email her again and ask her out. Tell her to call you and send your number again. And then leave the ball in her court. Good luck!

Thanks for your insight. Does this apply to after you've gone on dates (the taking a week to write back), or is this just in the pre-first-date stage? Just wondering.

I'll plan to message her again a few days before I get back and leave it in her court. That's all I can do, I suppose.

Thanks.

Thanks for your insight. Does this apply to after you've gone on dates (the taking a week to write back), or is this just in the pre-first-date stage? Just wondering.

 

I'll plan to message her again a few days before I get back and leave it in her court. That's all I can do, I suppose.

 

Thanks.

In my case - once I've met you in person, I likely also have switched to text.

I completely disagree. As a woman who has used dating apps, I have to tell you, I get very busy, and it sometimes takes me a week to email guys back. I think your message was nice, and I think that before you get back from your trip, you should email her again and ask her out. Tell her to call you and send your number again. And then leave the ball in her court. Good luck!

I hate that phrase! "I get very busy". Busy doing what? It doesnt take 2 seconds to fire off a text. It takes longer to take a dump but your not busy enough to do so. Trust me if a woman is interested in you and does NOT want to loose you to the competition. She would be in touch.

Ive been out with women who I ve kissed. Got touchy feely after a couple of drinks and they disappear or they change their minds. This is the nature of dating apps. The next man is going to be better than the next.

Maybe leave it for now and message her when you get back.

I hate that phrase! "I get very busy". Busy doing what? It doesnt take 2 seconds to fire off a text. It takes longer to take a dump but your not busy enough to do so. Trust me if a woman is interested in you and does NOT want to loose you to the competition. She would be in touch.

 

Ive been out with women who I ve kissed. Got touchy feely after a couple of drinks and they disappear or they change their minds. This is the nature of dating apps. The next man is going to be better than the next.

 

Maybe leave it for now and message her when you get back.

Yeah, I've had that happen before too. but in this case it was more than just the kiss and being touchy-feely that led me to think she was interested. It was the nature of the conversation, things we had in common, how interested she seemed during the date and her body language and behavior throughout. Usually I feel I have a decent sense a the end of a date if someone is interested (based on general behavior and body language and conversation - not just a goodbye kiss), and in this case based on our interactions I was pretty sure she was - only her lack of response to my message has made me doubt that. But it seems it was complicated by my not having her actual number and sending the message via the app instead, and that I didn't specifically ask her a question warranting an answer.

What would be an appropriate follow-up message when I get back? I don't want to seem overly eager, but I would like to see her again if she's up for it. We had a lot in common and the vibe of the date was good - much more upbeat than many first dates which have led to a second in the past.

Thanks again for the feedback.

Yeah, I've had that happen before too. but in this case it was more than just the kiss and being touchy-feely that led me to think she was interested. It was the nature of the conversation, things we had in common, how interested she seemed during the date and her body language and behavior throughout. Usually I feel I have a decent sense a the end of a date if someone is interested (based on general behavior and body language and conversation - not just a goodbye kiss), and in this case based on our interactions I was pretty sure she was - only her lack of response to my message has made me doubt that. But it seems it was complicated by my not having her actual number and sending the message via the app instead, and that I didn't specifically ask her a question warranting an answer.

 

What would be an appropriate follow-up message when I get back? I don't want to seem overly eager, but I would like to see her again if she's up for it. We had a lot in common and the vibe of the date was good - much more upbeat than many first dates which have led to a second in the past.

 

Thanks again for the feedback.

I believe if you have not heard after the first few days from the girl its unlikely for her to be interested. Id sent something along the lines what you had in common and mention in your message you were thinking about her and how about a catchup/date over a coffee? Dont over think it just do it. If you dont ask then you`ll never know. If you do ask and she doesnt reply then youll know where you stand.