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Thread: Moms or parents of adult kids

  1. #1
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Moms or parents of adult kids

    Whenever I go out for lunch or dinner with my husband or a friend I feel guilty if we don't bring our son. Now understand my son is 20 years old so not a child. ( he lives at home)I just feel bad not bringing him along. My husband says he feels no guilt at all that we deserve to be alone to go out too.

    Does mom/parent guilt ever end?

  2. #2
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    Why do you feel guilty?

    I've never experienced guilt for not taking my child to a restaurant.

    Sometimes, I intentionally went alone so I could have time to myself.

    I'm with your husband. No guilt on my part.

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I think it is because I never want him to experience the emotional deprivation I experienced in my childhood and so I overcompensate.

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    Platinum Member journeynow's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Does mom/parent guilt ever end?
    Yes, it eases up. While I don't want my kids to experience pain or hardship, I look back on my phases of independence and accomplishments and freedom-from-parents, and appreciate that world of my own. I don't want to deprive my kids of that growth and freedom and self-discovery. Have faith in your son, and trust that your love is with him even if you are not.

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  6. #5
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by journeynow
    Yes, it eases up. While I don't want my kids to experience pain or hardship, I look back on my phases of independence and accomplishments and freedom-from-parents, and appreciate that world of my own. I don't want to deprive my kids of that growth and freedom and self-discovery. Have faith in your son, and trust that your love is with him even if you are not.
    Yes. I know I have done a good job and he has no such guilt or emotional issues that I have. He is very stable in that he is loved wholeheartedly.

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    Platinum Member journeynow's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Yes. I know I have done a good job and he has no such guilt or emotional issues that I have. He is very stable in that he is loved wholeheartedly.
    I believe you. (Doesn't make it easy, though. Took me awhile to let go of guilt and worry, and to realize they didn't need that from me.)

  8. #7
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by journeynow
    I believe you. (Doesn't make it easy, though. Took me awhile to let go of guilt and worry, and to realize they didn't need that from me.)
    Absolutely, he doesn't need it. He has had a very good life.

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    Gold Member Jeffbobo's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by journeynow
    Yes, it eases up. While I don't want my kids to experience pain or hardship, I look back on my phases of independence and accomplishments and freedom-from-parents, and appreciate that world of my own. I don't want to deprive my kids of that growth and freedom and self-discovery. Have faith in your son, and trust that your love is with him even if you are not.
    Beautiful answer. I second this. I also agree with your husband. It's important that the two of you devote quality time to each other as a couple periodically without the kids.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
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    Hey hun. You're very protective of him. But this isn't neglect, and is good for him to learn that there are different types of interactions, so private parent time and why it exists (building and maintaining a healthy relationship). Besides he's 20 I'm sure he appreciates some time at home to do his own thing. You've done a fantastic job bringing him up. Don't over think and just enjoy life, your private adult life, and motherhood xx

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    Does he have friends and a social life? He needs to independent. It's a good thing :)

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