It's really over now....in shock possibly

I had posted a thread a couple weeks ago called "she's talking to me again, but.....", and basically we had broke up and then reconnected and then split(her decision). It was a complicated situation, she ended up going back to her ex boyfriend. We started talking again before Christmas and I thought we were going to possibly start dating again, she talked about being my date and how I made her feel good and she loved when I would sing to her. Then she told me she was dating her ex boyfriend and another guy she met. I kinda blew her off after that, was upset and not trying to be one of her options. then she contacted me this week and was a little flirty, then told me yesterday after I sent her a heart picture that she was "basically back with my ex" and didn't mean to give me the wrong Idea, that she valued my friendship and didn't want to hurt me. I was devastated and hurt so bad, it still hasn't really sunk in fully, it's only been a day and I distracted myself with a different woman and alcohol. It is starting to hurt a lot now that I have sobered up and reality is staring me in the face.

I didn't know how to respond to her. But I wanted to draw my boundaries finally and I was upset. Let me know if you think I was too harsh.

"You did give a impression you were interested. I had my friend invite you to my show cause I wanted to see you and sing to you again. After that we talked and I told you how I felt about you. Then you wanted to be my date and told me how I make you feel good. I am not ready to be just friends with you. You break my heart and I am done. Maybe someday we can be friends but not sure when. I will never sing for you again. Leave me alone."

I feel I was a bit hurt and angry but I do feel that way, and I just wanted her to understand how she hurt me. It's over and I will probably be better off because she went back to a abusive ex boyfriend and she clearly has some kind of issues, or still really loves him and we were never important to her. I fell for her and I had thought she had fallen for me since she told me quite a few times that she loved me. Even passionately told a few times too. Oh well. the worst part of dating for me is getting attached and then losing someone I love. It hurts. I will be ok but I still love her and miss her but now it's really over and I am sad. Please comment and give me any feedback or support would be awesome, thank you so much everyone.

You shouldn't have said anything to her. Girls are taught to make friends and not break up friendships, so most girls will always say, "let's still be friends" to let people down easy. But that's not the best course of action. You get burned if you try to remain friends with them as you've found out. Ignore her, don't contact her. Move on.

You shouldn't have said anything to her. Girls are taught to make friends and not break up friendships, so most girls will always say, "let's still be friends" to let people down easy. But that's not the best course of action. You get burned if you try to remain friends with them as you've found out. Ignore her, don't contact her. Move on.

That's not such a fair statement to make. Guys use that line just as often, and then go bang a chick the same night.

Lay off the alcohol! That never solves anything, as it is a depressant.

I'm sorry, but consider it closure and move forward. I know it hurts to see someone return to

an abuser, but she's an adult and is making her own choices. It's best not to be friends anyway

because when she needs help, or a shoulder to cry on, you'd just be her crutch, and nothing more.

Try to put her out of sight, take time to heal, and find a woman who knows she wants commitment with you.

You've said your piece—now it's time to move on. Feel the heartbreak, listen to it, learned from it. Don't drown it out with booze and other women, since you've already seen that that's only a short term fix that just leads to more depression.

She is WAY too lost right now to be in a relationship with anyone. For whatever reasons, she needs constant external validation from men, hence she's "basically back with her ex" while also leaning on you for a quick endorphin hit of affection the moment her ex isn't providing enough. That's a recipe for emotional turmoil for you, and not a swamp you want to wade into. With enough space, you'll see you've dodged a bullet here.

None of this negates that what you two shared was real. There was real connection, real feelings. You can cherish all that, and mourn it. Loving someone is a great risk, and like all risks there are potential rewards and casualties. Most of the time we don't get one without the other. In the aftermath, the question becomes: Do you want this moment to make you stronger or weaker? Choose the former.

Thank you all for your comments. It is still pretty hard to swallow this pill. I know it is over, but I am still having moments where I still feel how much I love her and it sucks. I am starting to have moments of happiness again though(finally lol), and some excitement of a possible new love in the future with someone who makes me feel good. I am having trouble not looking at her social media page, I havene't looked at it and I unfollowed her so I won't see her posts or anything but maybe I should unfriend her. I really think possibly in the future we could be friends but I am not 100% on that because of her choice to go back to her ex boyfriend who threatened me with violence while she and I were dating. he threatened me on more than one occasion. I can't believe her. I can't believe I fell for someone like her and put up with her madness and disfunction for so long either. One of the good things though is that now I know what I will put up with and what I won't. I thank you all for your kindness and advice, I may keep posting on here as a way to get feelings out and to continue to move on with my life. I get sad thinking of my life without her though. BUt I have to remember that I don't feel sad anymore at the thought of my exwife not being in my life anymore though, and that is a good reminder that this ex girlfriend will eventually be just a memory and hopefully I will remember mostly the good times, which were really special for me. I love that damn woman and I am wishing I didn't but I guess it will just take time and space and all will work out. Thanks again everyone.

Keep posting your thoughts on here buddy.

I would keep full NC from here, and put any thoughts of friendship away for now.

Best of luck :)

Hello. I haven't posted on this thread in a little while, been posting elsewhere and private messaging a kind person I met on here. I appreciate any thoughts or comments.

She texted me late at night last Friday, saying she missed talking to me and where was I and what was I doing. I was a little drunk(had been out with friends) and I broke NC. I kept it light and I didnt' engage her as to meeting up. SHe kinda went silent(probably passed out, drunk), so a couple days later I asked her if she had a boyfriend still.

She said she never did have one. I said "you said you were with R." She said, "hanging out and being in a relationship are different" "I am trying to focus on my stuff right now". I didn't say anything else and then she changed the subject and asked me about my music. I replied short and then she said she is going back to school and I said "nice" and that was it.

I think going back NC is probably me best move, even if she is interested in me again, she is still probably seeing her ex and I don't know if I am ok with "hanging out with her" knowing she probably was with him the night before. this sucks learning lessons lol

I'm sorry you're going through this. Good luck and stay strong!

even if she is interested in me again, she is still probably seeing her ex and I don't know if I am ok with "hanging out with her" knowing she probably was with him the night before. this sucks learning lessons lol

^^^^^^^^^^^^

You know the answer to this. You're not okay with it.

hang in there and start again... its very common to break nc. don't beat yourself up. don't dwell on it. start again.