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Unsure about future


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I'm 26 and have been with my wife for 8 years (married 3). The issue i'm currently having is that i'm really not sure about our future.

I could go into a lot of detail about the different issues i have with the relationship, but i don't think it will help. My main problem is that i don't think i have ever really wanted to be with her forever. I know that sounds ridiculous because i married her, but i think i did it for all the wrong reasons and i wish i hadn't. Sometimes the feeling is quite intense and sometimes it is just nagging in the back of my head but it has been there from very early on in the relationship.

 

The trouble now is we have a child together who i love. At the moment i think we could break up and we could make it work, but in the long term i am very worried about how it will affect my involvement in my child's life. My wife getting pregnant was sort of a surprise and when i look back now it is really this that made me realise how much i didn't want to be with her forever. I know that pregnancy is scary to a lot of guys but i was more than just scared. I was dreading it, not because of the responsibility of raising a child, but because it really made clear to me that i was with my wife forever (again i know i should have realised this earlier).

 

I just don't know what to do now. My wife talks about moving to a new house and having another child very soon and it terrifies me. I guess i want to know if there is anyone who has gone through something similar. Both the idea of splitting up and the idea of staying together fill me with dread.

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Well, you might be suffering from a bout of depression. I would tell you to see a doctor or a therapist to find out. You might need to do more things that you enjoy like playing music or maybe going for a walk after dinner. You do not walk out on your wife especially when she just had a baby. You be a man and you step up to support her. When you married her, you went "all in." By having a baby, you now have responsibilities that you just don't run away from. Your wife needs your help and you get in there and help her. You make it work one way or another. Some anti-anxiety meds might make you feel a bit better about life.

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  • 5 weeks later...
Both the idea of splitting up and the idea of staying together fill me with dread.

Take that and multiply it by 1000, and then you'll get the idea of how your wife will feel when she finds out she got married under presumably false pretenses, got knocked up, and now her husband is talking about bailing.

 

I don't think you should hide these feelings, but I do think they should be out there. Schedule an appointment to talk to a couples counselor, alone, and seek advice on how to proceed in talks with your wife.

 

I do think this should be done delicately and not just dumped on your wife out of nowhere. I bet she has no clue.

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