I'd like to hear women's opinions on this

I'm a 50 year old male, I just got out of a monogamous relationship about 3 months ago. It lasted for a year. But that's not what this is really about, I'm just giving that information as a little bit of background.

So when that relationship ended, I decided I was going to do things differently this time around. In the past whenever I had a breakup, I would wait until I felt I was fully healed and over it before attempting to date again. This strategy never seems to have a good outcome for me, so this time I'm going outside of my comfort zone and I'm pursuing online dating somewhat heavily.

My question is this to the women who may be reading this; if you met a guy and liked him and were hitting it off and he told you he was renting a room at his mom's house, would this be a deal breaker for you? If yes, I know the reasons why. But if any of you answered no, then why?

What I'd like advice on is how to bring this up to women without scaring them off. I'm absolutely not dependent on any member of my family or anybody else for anything in my life. I have a full time job, a truck, a motorcycle all 100% bought paid for by me. Everything I own was earned by myself alone. I'm a very responsible and self-sufficient person. I just can't afford an apartment on the job I have, which is a very good job and pays well, but the prices of real estate here in Southern California are astronomical. Doesn't matter if you rent or own, it's very expensive.

My mom is an 82 year old woman who lives in a large five bedroom house. She rents out all of the rooms to tenants in order to make her house payment. Without her tenants she would be on the street. She needed the money and I needed the room. I'd rather give to money to her than a stranger and she'd rather have a family member in the house than a stranger. It's just family helping family. Nothing else. I pay full price for my room the same as the rest of the tenants.

I needed to rent a room when the economy took a nose dive and my pay got reduced at work. I stuck with my job because I like it and eventually, just this year, I was brought back up to my old rate of pay with a raise. But in the time that has passed since then, it's still not enough to afford an apartment as the cost of living has risen exponentially since.

But I'm a very responsible person and 100% pull my own weight in the world and always have. Outside of the place I live in, I think I'm a total catch. I'm smart, pretty decent looking so I've been told, responsible, loving, affectionate, fun, kind and very respectful of women and all people from all walks of life. I also take excellent care of my health and I'm in excellent physical shape. I even have a credit score of 847 for crying out loud! Lol!!!

So when and how do I best bring this up to someone I'm dating who's showing interest in me? What's the most tactful way to do it to convey that I'm not a mommy's boy? Your answers are greatly appreciated. Thank you.

You tell them exactly what you told us.

Would I have problem with it? Not sure. If you checked all the boxes and we seemed to have similar financial values and otherwise, I might overlook it.

I would judge you on the entire picture not just the fact that you rent a room from your mother. Your arrangement from all accounts seems to make sense.

But I would certainly be on the lookout to seewhat your relationship with your mother looked like, to be honest.

I would however prefer to date someone who is close the same tax bracket as myself. It just lessons the complications.

I dated someone who rented a room. It just made sense financially for him and if he wanted to, he could have afforded a place of his own.

Everyone is different. In these times I think your situation is more typical than not. Good men are hard to come by sometimes.

If you have high standards and values in other areas, you'll be fine.

Honestly, I'd be more concerned that you just got out of a relationship then I would be that you were renting a room.

My deal breaker would be getting involved with someone directly out of a relationship

I'm not sure if I would date you or not (if I were single) it would depend on how well we meshed and if we had common dating goals I presume.

Of course your relationship history would have more of an impact on my decision then your living arrangements would. It's not like you've got mother stored up in the attic and you run the Bates motel or anything like that. You have a decent job and you are apparently quite responsible.

When did you tell the last woman you dated what your living situation was and did it impact her decision to be or not be with you?

Wow! Bring it up when the question so where do you live is asked which is usually one of the initial conversation starters.

Your situation is economical and understandable. I would explain it the same way you did here. Honest and straight forward.

I am not sure how I would feel about it.

But I try to remember that my son may live with us forever so he might face a sort of similar situation.

I wouldn’t be ok with it for a number of reasons.

You live with your mom. How can we be intimate? Or cook together? Or watch movies?

Plus you have 3 other roommates.

Those two things are a no-go unless you have a separate entrance or something. Not trying to be mean. But I wouldn’t like it.

It could work if there is a roster for who bags the kitchen on certain nights, and who bags the t.v room to watch movies.

Would women not think it's fun and exciting to re-live their teenage years of mischief in the bedroom, with mom just up the hall?

I wouldn’t be ok with it for a number of reasons.

 

You live with your mom. How can we be intimate? Or cook together? Or watch movies?

 

Plus you have 3 other roommates.

 

Those two things are a no-go unless you have a separate entrance or something. Not trying to be mean. But I wouldn’t like it.

That's the thing. How do you be close?

That's the thing. How do you be close?

At the woman's place or...

In his bedroom ...

Or, in that truck of his *winkz*

I'm not sure how I'd feel is this was really happening to me. First off your reasons make total sense, I really do get why you live with mom. I have two male friends, one 59, one 60, and one lives with his mother who's 83 to help her out around the house plus he's a musician who doesnt make much money and cant afford a place on his own. The other is a flighty musician who travels a lot and lands with mom when he comes back from his trips. Both make sense, in a strange way.

But really, some women would be turned off because the idea of romance with you in your mom's house is rather off-putting! If you had an apt. you shared with another guy it'd be more appealing to some women.

The time to bring this up is when she asks where you live and if you live alone. Be honest and tell her what you told us because it makes sense.

I wouldn’t be ok with it for a number of reasons.

 

You live with your mom. How can we be intimate? Or cook together? Or watch movies?

 

Plus you have 3 other roommates.

 

Those two things are a no-go unless you have a separate entrance or something. Not trying to be mean. But I wouldn’t like it.

Yeah, I do have a separate entrance and half bath. I have to go in to the main part of the house to shower or eat.

I'm not sure how I'd feel is this was really happening to me. First off your reasons make total sense, I really do get why you live with mom. I have two male friends, one 59, one 60, and one lives with his mother who's 83 to help her out around the house plus he's a musician who doesnt make much money and cant afford a place on his own. The other is a flighty musician who travels a lot and lands with mom when he comes back from his trips. Both make sense, in a strange way.

 

But really, some women would be turned off because the idea of romance with you in your mom's house is rather off-putting! If you had an apt. you shared with another guy it'd be more appealing to some women.

 

The time to bring this up is when she asks where you live and if you live alone. Be honest and tell her what you told us because it makes sense.

Yeah, that's my situation. I'm a musician and my situation is pretty much like the non-flighty friend of yours you described.

Yeah, I do have a separate entrance and half bath. I have to go in to the main part of the house to shower or eat.

That honestly helps a lot. I would still be leery but that’s a much better situation.

I'm going to give an honest answer. If you're 50 and you've not got a house, then I would think something is wrong.

Let's add into it that your Mom is just down the hallway and that would make things awkward.

You seem like a nice man, but maybe not someone I would date.

It could work if there is a roster for who bags the kitchen on certain nights, and who bags the t.v room to watch movies.

 

Would women not think it's fun and exciting to re-live their teenage years of mischief in the bedroom, with mom just up the hall?

At thirty, forty and fifty. NO!

Funny how a few people here are volunteering their opinion or judgment of my living situation. That’s not what I asked. I don’t care what you think about how I live and don’t want to hear your opinion about it. I’m asking how to broach the subject with people I’m dating. If you could stick to the subject, I’d greatly appreciate it. The little extra interjections are not needed or welcome. Thank you. :)

You could tell people you're taking care of your mother in the house you're going to inherit. It might take a bit of a sting out of it. But a lot of women are going to bail on you.

It would be a deal breaker for me. Won't reiterate the reasons. Regarding how to tell. Only when asked or it comes up naturally in some other way. Matter of factly state that you rent a room in a house with multiple rented rooms, owned by your mother. Imo, you need to be honest but not defensive or apologetic about it. Explain your rationale as you did in your first post and leave it at that. If all other aspects of your life and character are solid and there is a good vibe in your exchanges up to that point I imagine that there are women that will be willing to give you a chance.

I don’t care what you think about how I live and don’t want to hear your opinion about it. I’m asking how to broach the subject with people I’m dating.

No, you specifically asked if it was a dealbreaker.

55 year-old woman here: absolutely a dealbreaker.

How to bring it up? In the first conversation, with all the other getting to know you stuff. Let the woman decide. While it’s a dealbreaker for me, it may not be for others.

No, you specifically asked if it was a dealbreaker.

 

55 year-old woman here: absolutely a dealbreaker.

 

How to bring it up? In the first conversation, with all the other getting to know you stuff. Let the woman decide. While itÂ’s a dealbreaker for me, it may not be for others.

Yes, I asked that with a caveat. If you answered yes, I know the reasons why. If you answered no, then IÂ’m genuinely interested to know the reasons why. Just trying to get a feel if there really are any people out there that would view me as more than just a bank account. I understand the fears women would have of me having some sort of emotional, mental or financial attachment to my mother, but thatÂ’s not me, so thatÂ’s not an issue.

It is not an issue of bank account but more an issue of privacy.

It wouldn’t have worked for me because I wanted someone who was financially stable like me at that time. If you were doing this for financial reasons because you couldn’t afford your own place then they would not be stable enough for me unless it was very temporary. My sister dated a guy who lived with his mother because he was separated and strapped for cash from child support. She was strapped for cash too and had no interest in marrying him or combining finances. So it worked for them. I also would be wary about any such roommate istisottfor privacy reasons.

It is not an issue of bank account but more an issue of privacy.

Yes, that part of it is highly inconvenient, to say the least. But IÂ’m wondering how many people can see past that. Probably not many. Maybe itÂ’s a dumb question.

The thing is by our age no one wants to play a subservient role to people’s parents and roommates. We have already established our role as adults in the world. And it could be the bad taste my own inlaws left in my mouth by treating us like “ the children “ up until a year ago when they became too ill and frail to carry that out.

It might sound strange but I want to be the dominant female in my household .

So I guess it’s a question of being territorial . Because I am very territorial .