Broke up with gf

So back story 4 months into the relationship. She knows about while she hasn't met my friends she knows of them. I know not much about her past.

I do know on her b'day her ex of who she broke up with 4 years ago cheated with her by buying a hotel room for him and another girl across country and told her he had to help a friend fix a car.

Fast forward she hasn't dated in the past 3-4 years or introduced her family to anyone since. Her family didn't like him at all. I have met her family multiple times they absolutely love me and told her not to let me go.

Well now to the current situation. I came home one night she was on the phone and hung up as soon as I entered. I asked if she was talking to her mom and she tells me no just a friend. I said oh who is that she goes just a friend. I was like well I hope your friend with no name is doing good. She finally tells me it's one of her girlfriends. She offered to show me or call her back to which I replied I don't need you to show me.

I do spend a lot of time with her at her house and she comes to me this week. Saying a guy friend is coming into town for the weekend and I said oh great what do you all want to do? She tells me that she thinks it's best I'm not around this weekend as she will be entertaining and that she doesn't want me staying there during the day or night while she is out she will feel bad.

I asked if I could join them she said she thinks it's not the best right now at least. She tells me he's not a really close friend and that I've meet her close friends and family and this meeting shouldn't be a big deal. She says in time she will introduce me.

Well my red flags went off all over the place. Her is this guy your going to spend the weekend with you won't mention their name just a friend, you won't even offer to introduce me and you tell me to disappear for the weekend.

Needless to say I packed all my stuff and left.

I think you made the right decision. Something is up.

"She tells me he's not a really close friend and that I've meet her close friends and family and this meeting shouldn't be a big deal. She says in time she will introduce me.

Well my red flags went off all over the place. Her is this guy your going to spend the weekend with you won't mention their name just a friend, you won't even offer to introduce me and you tell me to disappear for the weekend."

What happened when you left?

She called and text like something I've never seen before.

Tells me since this is such a big issue she is just not going to see him now and stay home.

I told her that staying home doesn't change anything just proving she will do whatever it takes for me not to meet this so called not close friend who is flying 3 hours to see her and she has not once brought up and that she tells me I can't be around when he's here and that they will be together all weekend and that I can come back next week.

She was peaceful when I picked up my stuff last night but today she told me she doesn't wish me happiness, hopes all my relationships fail , that she was the best thing to happen to me and I won't find better and she hopes I don't and that that would be her last text to me and to not contact her.

Well she's now sent like 10 messages in 30 minutes since telling me how she will miss me how I am making the worst decision of my life and that she wishes me well.

I haven't responded since she told me not to contact her.

The guy is flying in tonight I told her she knows what she needs to do to address this if she really cared for me.

She told me I am forcing her either introduce me to him or I'm gone. And that she won't be forced. I told her I won't put up with someone who should be my partner doing something so disrespectful and I told her my concerns for days and she still told me basically too bad I'm going no matter what.

She told me I am forcing her either introduce me to him or I'm gone. And that she won't be forced. I told her I won't put up with someone who should be my partner doing something so disrespectful and I told her my concerns for days and she still told me basically too bad I'm going no matter what.

Something is off.

Best to cut and run now.

She called and text like something I've never seen before.

 

Tells me since this is such a big issue she is just not going to see him now and stay home.

 

I told her that staying home doesn't change anything just proving she will do whatever it takes for me not to meet this so called not close friend who is flying 3 hours to see her and she has not once brought up and that she tells me I can't be around when he's here and that they will be together all weekend and that I can come back next week.

 

She was peaceful when I picked up my stuff last night but today she told me she doesn't wish me happiness, hopes all my relationships fail , that she was the best thing to happen to me and I won't find better and she hopes I don't and that that would be her last text to me and to not contact her.

 

Well she's now sent like 10 messages in 30 minutes since telling me how she will miss me how I am making the worst decision of my life and that she wishes me well.

 

I haven't responded since she told me not to contact her.

 

The guy is flying in tonight I told her she knows what she needs to do to address this if she really cared for me.

Why haven't you blocked her????? Stop the drama!

Bullet dodged! She sounds awful!

"he guy is flying in tonight I told her she knows what she needs to do to address this if she really cared for me."

I think she had already showed you, when she wanted you out of the way.

First of all KUDOS to you for actually getting your stuff, leaving and dumping her. Takes guts and self respect and truly hats off to you for that.

That said, I'll just echo the others on here that it was totally the right call. Unfortunately it is exactly what it looks like and good on you for not putting up with it like some doormat. Note how she is raging but the one thing she won't do is introduce you two. That's really all you need to know to confirm that you read the shady bs correctly.

Now do yourself a favor and go ahead and block her. You really don't need to listen to another word of bs or raging abuse coming from her. You made the right decision to cut her off, now finish the job. The only thing you will miss out on here is not being with a cheater.....I mean arrogant, in your face, not even trying to be subtle about it cheater. Talk about zero respect to you, "hey babe, got this guy "friend" coming into town, go ahead and make yourself scarce."....like....wow....lol....

Here is the text from earlier before she started the oh I miss you and wish you the best

"This is my last message. After this I don’t want you responding. Just to be clear I don’t wish you happiness. You’ve made me start to resent you. And I wish you keep having failing relationships. You really don’t deserve anything else because for you there is no compromise in a relationship. Like I said. Dorm respond. I’m done with you. "

Now the part she didn't respect is before this I told her I didn't want any further communication from her over text or phone.

I wished her all the happiness in the world, I told her I wish she is happy and finds someone that makes her happy. Someone who will accept this disrespect. I told her I hope this weekend is worth it and that it is everything she hopes or wishes it would be and more. Nothing but good vibes from me to her I actually want to take the higher road ( didn't always in the past ) and treat her with respect even if she doesn't deserve it.

Not once in 3 days has she said you know what your right I want and you should be involved. Instead just constant telling me why she is right.

No one in their right mind in a relationship would be ok with their spouse or so going off with anyone doesn't matter the gender that they not only are so vocal about you not invited but outright refuses you to meet this person but there was absolutely no issues meeting everyone else.

Right...well...she has already show an obscene amount of disrespect toward you, so why do you expect her to suddenly respect you, respect your wishes and stop contacting you spewing bs at you? Just block her already for your own peace of mind. She showed you who she is - believe her.

Block her!!!!

NC and move on.

You sound like you have done great so far. Just don't even engage in this pointless conversation with her.

Good for you for not tolerating her cloak-and-dagger act. It's not innocent and she knows it.

As for her juvenile texts, well, she is a drama queen and up her own arse. She is the best thing that will ever happen to you? Pfft. You can do far better, obviously. She set the bar pretty darn low!

Forget her so you can move on to someone who isn't trying to sneak her ex in for a visit.

I admire how you handled your part.

You taking the high road caused her to lose her cool and try to bait you into a conflict. She was hoping to get a negative reaction out of you so she can, in some sort of backwards

way make herself feel better for her poor choices.

But you didn't take the bait.

No one in the right mind would agree to her terms. Meeting a man with no name and asking you to be scarce? Seriously?!

Never the less, this can't feel very good. Be proud of yourself that you acted quickly on it and didn't let her drag into an ugly exchange about it.

I suspect you haven't heard the last of her.

I blocked her the texts kept going on and on.

She told me I left a shirt there and that she was going to dump it and then later in the day said she's going to keep it.

I told her to remove me from her phone so she can stop texting me she said she won't delete me from her phone because she hopes I contact her.

She still kept up the I need time to introduce you to my friends. I've met her two closest friends but I can't meet this guy.

She then tells me he's bringing his gf but yet she don't want me there.

Red flags all over the place and I think cause she got caught now she's upset.

She told me I am forcing her either introduce me to him or I'm gone. And that she won't be forced. I told her I won't put up with someone who should be my partner doing something so disrespectful and I told her my concerns for days and she still told me basically too bad I'm going no matter what.

She is showing you who she really is and it's the early stage of the relationship. You have handled this correctly. I agree with ReInventMyself.

So I had a sit-down with her mom and her stepdad yesterday they really like me and they wanted to discuss stuff.

She did still go off with this guy friend and his suppose it girlfriend I ended it I think what Thursday or Friday night when I posted it.

Her mom said that she was in a relationship with a guy before me that ended four years ago and they were together for 7 years well he ended up on her birthday telling her that he needed to go help a friend with a car and he ended up cheating on her while at the same time telling her he loves her while he was cheating on her actively. She also said that during their whole relationship he was actively keeping this woman on the side and the woman that he has on the side is actually married with kids also. Her mom mentioned that that was the only relationship that she's ever had and she is 31 years old she never dated or anything and they never live together and they never really had a healthy relationship from the start. Her mom said basically you're dating a 31 year-old with an 18 year old dating personality and that she knows that she is emotionally broken and she knew that she would have struggles in future relationships because she didn't take any time for herself to work on those issues.

She said the issue is from what she thinks it's that even though she is no longer in a relationship with him she still holds him close to her heart and he would not allow her to have any friends at all under any circumstances so she had to hide behind his back and that she is still carrying that to her to the stay in the relationship that we had.

Her mom went ahead and told her that we had talked and right now she is still out with this guy friend but told her mom that she would talk to her mom on Monday night and then her mom and stepdad want me to come over Tuesday to sit down with all of them.

So now even though I am the one that ended it and I guess you could say I was the dumper now I am in limbo until she talks to her mom and then we have our sit down to decide I guess from her standpoint if she can move forward into a healthy relationship or not. Me and her haven't spoken at all since Friday night not a peep and this is coming from a girl that constantly would ask what I'm doing where I'm at and was a textaholic.

I did unblock her while we figure out what happens Monday or Tuesday

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=534387

Is this the same woman?

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=534387

 

Is this the same woman?

This is now the 3rd girl that I've been with with damage from an abusive verbal and physical relationship who hadn't addressed those issues.

On the outside all very successful women VPs and Directors but once the onion pulls back the damage comes out.

That relationship was a hell of a roller coaster with the last one but I got over it and it's actually helping me I think better handle this one on a positive note even if we work out or not.

I start to see signs more of what I want and what I can't deal with and address concerns on a more mature level.

Please stop dragging this out and do not allow her parents to turn you into her therapist. She is a grown adult. She is capable of getting help IF she wants it. Sounds like she can well afford it too. Her parents have no business discussing this stuff with you and preying on your kindness to carry on with their ADULT daughter who dang well knows what she is doing. Why on earth are they getting involved and infantilizing their daughter like that??? Quite frankly, them getting involved like this is pretty messed up in and of itself and another reason for you to run away screaming from this whole tribe. She is messed up but her family is demonstrating to you that they are pretty messed up too.

If you keep picking these damaged women, there is something broken with your own picker that you need to examine. You are somehow choosing them even if you do realize they are a problem and walk away later on. Consider that you are missing signs early on that maybe you need to look back on and see what patterns, behaviors, etc you might be ignoring in as early as date one or two. They are there.

I agree there is something broken in my picker. I seem to end up being the fixer.

Kids mom 10 years had 2 kids suffered from bi polar diagnosed 3 different doctors and also self admitted herself multiple times to clinics for wanting to hurt herself.

Dated coworker (she was above me but I wasn't direct reports) she had an abusive relationship her ex for years would lock her in bathrooms, GPS her cars, take her keys so she couldn't get to work, try driving her off the road. She divorced him never saw therapy but moved one street over from him.

The one with kids (VP of a very big national company)her and her mom both suffered depression her father abandoned the family at a young age and she intentionally got pregnant with her husband who wasn't ready for a kid so he abandoned her and the kids and signed over all rights.

Now this girl in this thread ( director at a very large company) went through 7 years of verbal and physical abuse and also got cheated on those whole 7 years.

All these things I didn't learn about each until months into dating I clearly didn't see anything but people with their life's somewhat together no signs of their past until it got 2+ months in.

So the girl in this thread sent me a text asking me why I cared for her. I responded and she said thanks my mind is made up I wish to go my own way. I am totally cool with that I said I wish you well and you know my door and phone is always open to you.

Then she hit me up again asking what my parents think of her. So I told her and she told me thanks not to contact her.

Then she hit me up again and asked what my friends thought of her. So I told her this also and she said don't contact her.

Then she asked me some more stuff I answered and she told me we can't be texting like we still together and that she needs time alone.

I'm fine with the break I know I made the right choice over her going off with some guy but I guess now she is battling whatever demons inside her now.

To text me what I or others think of her and to each time follow it with don't contact her makes me think this girl is confused and can't even get her emotions in check.

You wouldn't accept the role of "fixer" if you didn't get some kind of gratification from it.

What do you think it is about you that makes you want to "fix" people?

You wouldn't accept the role of "fixer" if you didn't get some kind of gratification from it.

 

What do you think it is about you that makes you want to "fix" people?

I know the girl with the kid who's father left I thought of myself I could have grown up with no father if I hadn't been adopted and the fact that because of it I could never leave my own kids.