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Thread: Should I do it?

  1. #1
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    Should I do it?

    Maybe itís because Iím such a nostalgic person, Itís going to be a full year since our breakup las January. I still think about her every f*cking day and it eats away at me. Endless questions pop into my head on a daily basis, ďI wonder if she will ever try to contact me againĒ ďI wonder if she cares anymoreĒ. Im tempted to reach out and then I remember that Iíll get my hand bitten.. there fore I hold back and bottle true emotions to the matter... because I know sheís never coming back.

    I want to be ready to get into a new relationship but sheís always in the back of my mind. AFTER A YEAR OF BEING SEPERATED! God I hope I meet a girl someday that makes me not even remember what my old relationship was like because itís so good. I want this feeling gone. I want to not care anymore.

  2. #2
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    Would be interesting to hear a little more backstory. Why did you break up? Have you contacted her at all since the breakup? Do you know if she is single?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    This is what you said about the last time you text her in one of your MANY THREADS about her *Positiveone* \
    Originally Posted by positiveone
    Well guys... I did it. I texted her ď Merry Christmas (her name) Ē and I got nothing back. Thatís alright though because I did it for myself, I wanted to text her and let that guard down that Iíve been holding up for so long.. and honestly it feels good to be nice. Even if I didnít get a friendly response.

    So on one hand it does feel good because I did what I wanted to do, on the other hand itís maybe something I shouldnít have done. Oh well.. itís water under the bridge, moving forward is the only place to go...
    Stop putting yourself through this. Its high time that you started to change the dialogue you have going on in your mind about this chick. Its over, it was nice while it lasted but it's not doing you any good to make a life out of thinking about her and how you woke up beside her. It's not doing you any good in OCD thinking about looking into her eyes and saying nothing in the morning or thinking about any of the other thoughts you harbour about her like they were your best friend.

    It's time you got yourself into counselling if you can't change your thoughts of her to ACCEPTANCE and get on with your life with the goal of getting to indifference to her. You will never and I mean NEVER find another love connection when you have no room in your head or heart because it's still filled up with the ghost of some girl. She did the right thing in not responding to you. Zero contact is how you get to that blissful stage of indifference to someone who is no longer in your life.

    A few people in your threads have asked you why the two of you broke up yet you haven't answered that question. Perhaps if you allow us to talk about that with you, you will finally realize that she's not the epitome of virtue you have placed her to be in your mind.

    So: Why DID you break up and who did the breaking? How long did you date before it ended?

  4. #4
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    OP, you have 52 threads about this girl and have had thousands of very helpful and constructive advice - all of which you seem to have ignored, hence you still posting about the same issues over and over again. One year and 52 threads later and nothing's changed. I would say that's a very good indicator that you NEED professional help, because clearly, posting on the internet has done nothing for you. You're obsessed. Get the help you need, unless you want to continue this way for the next 10 years and beyond. Time to get to counselling/therapy - the sooner the better.

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  6. #5
    Silver Member hidden_kitten's Avatar
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    Nope don't do it! If she's not responded to the christmas message then she won't respond to anything now. I've been there many times "just one more text" but the silence cuts even worse after! I still thought of my ex a lot one year on, hadn't dated anybody. By the summer I had a new crush. The ex is still kind of there but I no longer check up on him. Unfortunately nothing got off the ground with the crush and I'm still single, but you WILL get there.

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    Lol. Trust me Iíve been to counseling ... it helps but not that much. Im not obsessed just lonely and I miss having a love connection. 52 threads is a way for me to vent... and talk. Yeah I need to get over this girl .. Iím definilty healed but not completely. We broke up because of lack of sex and she was not able to communicate effectively. We had a bond unlike any Iíve ever experienced with another human being. I lost one of my best friends. That is why this is tough. Iíve spent literally 2 grand on therapy.. I have everything I need to know.. it doesnít wash away the pain..

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by positiveone
    Lol. Trust me Iíve been to counseling ... it helps but not that much. Im not obsessed just lonely and I miss having a love connection. 52 threads is a way for me to vent... and talk. Yeah I need to get over this girl .. Iím definilty healed but not completely. We broke up because of lack of sex and she was not able to communicate effectively. We had a bond unlike any Iíve ever experienced with another human being. I lost one of my best friends. That is why this is tough. Iíve spent literally 2 grand on therapy.. I have everything I need to know.. it doesnít wash away the pain..
    It doesn't help because you don't want it to. you aren't reconnecting with friendships that have gone by the wayside. you are not trying new hobbies or restaurants or enriching yourself. I know its hard, but you will never meet someone new so long as you are not over your ex. Its not fun to be in a relationship with someone who is not over their ex - believe me, its not.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    OP, you have 52 threads about this girl and have had thousands of very helpful and constructive advice - all of which you seem to have ignored, hence you still posting about the same issues over and over again. One year and 52 threads later and nothing's changed. I would say that's a very good indicator that you NEED professional help, because clearly, posting on the internet has done nothing for you. You're obsessed. Get the help you need, unless you want to continue this way for the next 10 years and beyond. Time to get to counselling/therapy - the sooner the better.
    YES! You are indeed obsessed and it's past time to get some therapy to learn how to get past this as you clearly cant do it on your own.

  10. #9
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by positiveone
    Iíve spent literally 2 grand on therapy.. .
    Clearly it hasn't worked. Find a new therapist.

  11. #10
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    Hello. I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. I have personally never experianced a breakup (well excluding high school flings that were not very serious). If I was in your situation, I wouldn't contact her. If she wanted you back she would have made it noticeable esp within a year of breaking up. I'm a girl, I know sometimes girls can be really confusing and we are not always understood easily. Sometimes girls like to see if the guy will make the first move, ect. But unfortunately its been one year since the breakup and she hasn't contacted you, she more than likely has moved on. I'm so sorry to say that, cause reading that may have broken your heart a little bit more. Some advice for you would be to move on. Delete her number and any contacts you have of her, facebook, Twitter, tumbler everything. I mean even delete photos. GOSH PHOTOS ARE THE WORST! DONT LOOK AT THAT LOL! but seriously, do that. I also advise you to not jump into a new relationship right away, its not good to fill the void with someone else, it won't work, and in the long run you could be breaking someone else heart and I don't think you want to do that. Its better to approach your problem by getting back out into the dating scene, just keep it casual. Eventually you will loose all feelings for her and, hey you will find someone out there. Were all human beings, were all capabale of falling in love with several different people, there's someone out there for you. Something that I have always been told,( and it seriously worked for me) don't look for it, it will find you. For one year I quite trying to find someone, I lived my life as a single girl and then one day it hit BAM in my face I met someone very unexpectedly. Also don't keep your emotions bottled up. Its much better to talk about them with someone either a close friend, parents, cousin, counsler and even on here. Also I will note that, that rude comment above was really disrespectful and I found that to be completely rude and disregarding to your feelings. I mean were all here for relationship advice f#$!%#$ duh! Doesn't matter how much we post, the reason we post is for help. Anyway, this is prob the size of a novel by now. Sorry. But I really hope that you got something from this and I wish you the best of luck. Stay peaceful:)

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