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Money and Parents.


Jasandstrength

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Hey,

So I am starting year 12 this year and I wanted to help my dad out with payments as he doesn't have a whole lot of money lately. I worked three weeks straight and I am really proud of myself but after taking out the money for laptop hire, school supplies etc, I'll have no money left because it's all like, $500 in total and I wanted to save some for a car. I still stand by my feeling of wanting to help out and offering to pay but I don't know, dad keeps requesting I pay for more stuff and then he comes home with a bottle of alcohol and a double pack of smokes so in my mind I feel as though if he can buy $100 worth of vices then surely he can chip in for my education fee's. Is this feeling wrong? I feel guilty for feeling so mad that he is wasting his constant income on himself and I am wasting my income from the long holidays on well, MYself but my payments are mandatory.

I was thinking about asking my mum for some money but I don't see nor talk to her often and I know she has the same wasting tendencies. I am caught in the middle of trying to be a morally correct and self sustainable person/daughter and then also wanting to treat myself and help myself in the future.

I work 2 jobs and do babysitting on the side but I don't do it to use it all at once. I don't know, help me!

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Sorry to put it bluntly, but your parents are being total a**es, they are the ones shirking their responsibility, and no excuse for being broke and not being able to afford school dues if they are buying alcohol and cigarettes, you owe them nothing. The fact you still think of them in a loving way shows what a great person you are, and keep that in mind, as they are only human and I am sure are trying their best, but should not expect you to be paying for stuff at your age especially if they can afford luxuries. Basic needs and education comes first before alcohol. Keep your well earned money for your own needs (school, car, savings, etc). You will need all your resources and more to get ahead as life gets more challenging out of high school.

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They have to pay for a bare minimum but they don’t have to pay for your fun, your expensive trendy clothes, or dining out. In my opinion they don’t have to pay for your car or your cell phone either.

 

If you have food regularly, a place to live, clothes, and an education, I think that’s all they have to pay for.

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Sorry that's child abuse/neglect. Stop giving parents money for booze. That's just wrong on your part. Can you move out? Please tell a trusted adult, teacher, counselor about this.

dad keeps requesting I pay for more stuff and then he comes home with a bottle of alcohol and a double pack of smokes
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I think you're gonna have to clear some things up. Which specific fees are they not paying for? Is public education not a right in Australia? I wouldn't think your parents could just stop paying for school and not get into some form of legal trouble. What exactly do your parents provide for you? Are these fees for the core curriculum or elective programs? I get you say they're mandatory, but trying to make sure they're mandatory for your sheer existence in a classroom or to remain in some other program. When your parents say "you need to pay for more," is that in reference to something like the mortgage or electric bill? Or for things such as a new cell phone or data plan? Does your school have counseling services you can meet with to discuss your situation?

 

By no means denying your plight, but there are a lot of details I'd prefer to see fleshed out before telling a child they're being abused.

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Sorry that's child abuse/neglect. Stop giving parents money for booze. That's just wrong on your part. Can you move out? Please tell a trusted adult, teacher, counselor about this.

 

Wiseman, she is not giving her father money for booze. Her father is spending his money on booze and making her pay for her own school expenses. Whether right or wrong, I wanted to make that portion clear.

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I don't think it is that black and white. Whilst they shouldn't exploit my consent for payments, they're not as*es. They're just people, nor are they shirking their responsibility, as an abundance of these comments state they still provide other mandatory things such as food on my plate and a roof over my head. I think from these comments I have derived an understanding that it is truly a matter of opinion as to what needs a parent must sustain until the age of 18. As of current I am 16 and as I stated in my paragraph I am more than willing to have this involvement in the payments, I actually suggested it. But my suggestion was that we each pay our share. Some people have doubts on school being mandatory and no, as a senior it is not technically mandatory that I can attend and if I wanted I could move out and get a full time job however, my father and I have agreed that that is not what we want. My father never finished school and I myself would like to as I enjoy learning hence my offer to help with the payments. My dominant problem is that he kept suggesting I pay more (school fees) for example we decided that I would pay the laptop hire, uniform and for mandatory textbooks, this a majority of the payment and he agreed to pay for the basics; pens, rulers and books to write in. Oh, and as for the comment about phones and clothing, someone said he is no longer obliged to pay for those things and nor does he. I pay for my clothing, dining out etc etc. All of the leisurely aspects of my life and he helps out with the more necessary for example food and a place to live. BUT I would also like to add that he gets $350 a fortnight to pay for a percentage of things things and will continue to do so until I am of age. Anyway, It isn't a matter of my parents being abusive or horrible people as I offered but I think he is exploiting these offers a tad to much and it upsets me when this is on unhealthy things like consistent drinking. My grandmother pays for the majority of our groceries as she used to look after me when dad would go out to sea and when dad went redundant 2 years ago that stuck. He now works two jobs and I understand he may be unhappy but I also understand that life is what we make it. I don't know, I don't want any concrete diagnoses on my families issues because I am put together enough to understand and get through them, I guess I just wanted someone to say that I am not 100% obliged to pay all academic bills until I am old enough to use a vehicle. And that everything was going to be fine

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Honestly

 

1. Helping out is an honourable thing to do.

2. But you also need to think about your future, money for emergencies (including family emergencies, etc).

 

Look, someone I know asked me to help them out (nothing major), they promised to pay me back. I agreed being fully aware that there was a huge possibility I'd never see that money again. And I haven't seen that money again. That person is now doing financially well. But somehow that person cannot manage money, so whatever this person earns is never enough. (We cannot change people's habits. People change when they choose to.)

 

Help out, but also think about your needs and future.

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