Need some advices regarding my wife's new experiences

At first, I'd like to apologize for a little bit of a long post. I am a 30 year old male and my wife is 25 year old. We have been married for almost 7 years. She is Muslim and was quite conservative from the beginning. On the other hand, I always had different types​ of sexual fantasies that I have shared with her. Over the past few years, she has tried to become a little bit more adventurous in terms of talking dirty or some other things. While having sex, we talk about her friends who I'd like to have sex with & my friends who she would like to have sex with. She enjoys sharing those fantasies these days. So, safe to say that over the past few years, we both have adapted to each other quite a bit. We both are from a conservative country and being a Muslim didn't actually help our cause.

Recently, like a year or so ago, we have moved to Europe. Since being here, she has become just a little bit more adventurous person I would say. She has always wanted to wear different things that she could not wear back in our country. Since being here, I'm proud of her that she has already pulled off mini skirts albeit with stockings. She's also going to parties with friends and I always encourage her to go to those events.

Recently, she had been to a party with one of her friends and she was looking really gorgeous in her black mini skirt with a short top. In that party, she had some experiences that she has shared with me and also showed me some pictures from the party. Over there she met some guys from her study programme & she showed me the pictures she took over there with some of guys. The pictures with those guys were pretty normal by any usual standard, but for her the experience was a new one. Like in some of them, she was hugging some other guys that she met over there and in another one, a guy photobombed her picture by grabbing her from behind. She didn't mind those things at all I suppose. After the party she has shared some of the other experiences that she encountered over there too. The suggestions or advices that I'm looking for are regarding those experiences.

When someone she newly met touched or kissed her cheek, although she told me that she enjoyed those, yet became a little bit uncomfortable. The particular situation that she mentioned to me were that while dancing with a guy, she felt his hands near her ass and boobs. She said that she didn't follow through with those and immediately stopped dancing with that guy. She has shared those in details with me and as always I get a little bit of sexual arousal from these experiences. Although she hasn't asked me what to do, I think for her the biggest surprise was that like the stories we used to share, she actually enjoyed quite a bit of the party experiences. As always, I'm really cool with that and I would like her to explore her sexuality even more. But, I think, she's been in a little bit of a pickle as she would like to continue, yet she is a little bit shy still.

Next week she has some sort of a new year party that She really wants to go and she seemed pretty excited about the dress she's gonna wear over there. To be honest, it's pretty revealing by her standards. The thing is that she's still thinking back and forth about what to do over there because of their earlier experience. It's not like that she disliked her experience over there, rather like stepping into an Uncharted territory. So, what should be my advice to her?

Well, she was actually being sexually molested by those guys and by European standards this is not acceptable behavior. She should not allow this to happen again. No one has the right to touch her ass and breasts like that, especially in public. She knew it didn't feel right and it isn't. She needs to have strict guidelines about guys touching her in that way and not allow it. If you see it happening, you need to step in. And she needs not to lead guys on so that they think it's OK to do that.

So -- your wife is in Europe without you?? Going to parties that you are not invited to?

While having sex, we talk about her friends who I'd like to have sex with & my friends who she would like to have sex with.

Its one thing to have bedroom fun, but you are opening the door up to others in your marriage and distrust when you do this. Is she hanging out with this guys because she thinks she has permission because you think its sexy that she wants to do your friends?

Honestly, i think you should stop being the "sexual adventure encourager" and start being the husband. Husbands and wives go together as a couple to parties. It is not being controlling to tell your wife that you would rather spend a night out on the town with her for new year's eve than her going to a party with a bunch of guys, etc. She should not be dancing with other men - its one thing to have a girls night and dance with your friends and a guy happens to be dancing near your group - but it seems she is acting very single??

Your comment is filled with such negativity & that's the main reason for most people still not willing to open up or to seek advice. Due to my work & her studies, we are staying in two different cities for a few months. We have been together for more​ than 7 years, still in our youthful prime & we both encourage each other to enjoy some joyous party time to blow off some steam. You don't need to agree with our lifestyle, rather just need to accept that being husband & wife can have different meanings to different couples. There is no standardized version as we all have diverse emotions & preferences. The way you tried impose yourself could only be expected from an oppressive society, where female sexuality is a taboo subject to open up about; not from a long experienced member of a premium relationship experience sharing/advising platform.

I'm not going to apologize for my or my wife's sexual preferences and I'm not ashamed of being willing to have unconventional sexual experiences with her. We have been together for a long time & our understanding is of the charts. This social & cultural changes have been a little new us, hence sought advices from the ones who have somehow experienced the same.

Thank you

My advice would be for her would be to go through these explorations at her own pace and comfort level. If she's "thinking back and forth", just let her draw her own conclusion without offering any unsolicited advice. Whatever that decision is, respect it. I'm not saying this is happening, but she should never feel "encouraged" to do something she's not completely comfortable with in order to satisfy your turnons.

Talk about limits. Just fantasies? Just flirting turning you on? Or open relationship?

She has shared those in details with me and as always I get a little bit of sexual arousal from these experiences.

Your comment is filled with such negativity & that's the main reason for most people still not willing to open up or to seek advice. Due to my work & her studies, we are staying in two different cities for a few months. We have been together for more​ than 7 years, still in our youthful prime & we both encourage each other to enjoy some joyous party time to blow off some steam. You don't need to agree with our lifestyle, rather just need to accept that being husband & wife can have different meanings to different couples. There is no standardized version as we all have diverse emotions & preferences. The way you tried impose yourself could only be expected from an oppressive society, where female sexuality is a taboo subject to open up about; not from a long experienced member of a premium relationship experience sharing/advising platform.

 

I'm not going to apologize for my or my wife's sexual preferences and I'm not ashamed of being willing to have unconventional sexual experiences with her. We have been together for a long time & our understanding is of the charts. This social & cultural changes have been a little new us, hence sought advices from the ones who have somehow experienced the same.

 

Thank you

If you feel the need to defend your lifestyle . . and that is clearly your prerogative, so I am unsure what advise you are seeking.

Encourage her to have fun, but set some boundaries.

To be honest, I am not sure what exactly you're asking, OP. Your post is a bit vague in places, so I am going to see if I can clarify:

As I understand it, your wife was very young and inexperienced when she married you. Now she is getting older and more curious, has started exploring herself and her new social surroundings, and you are thus far okay with it. But you are also not there with her, so she is telling you about it and perhaps testing the limits of what's appropriate and acceptable within your marriage.

To sum up, your wife would like more experiences with other young men - is that it? But you both don't know where to set the boundary?

To be honest, I am not sure what exactly you're asking, OP. Your post is a bit vague in places, so I am going to see if I can clarify:

 

As I understand it, your wife was very young and inexperienced when she married you. Now she is getting older and more curious, has started exploring herself and her new social surroundings, and you are thus far okay with it. But you are also not there with her, so she is telling you about it and perhaps testing the limits of what's appropriate and acceptable within your marriage.

 

To sum up, your wife would like more experiences with other young men - is that it? But you both don't know where to set the boundary?

Sorry for not being clear enough with the original post. The way you put it is not exactly what I was looking for. We've been together for a long time & we are really open to each other about our fantasies. At the beginning, she used to be just a traditional conservative south Asian girlfriend/wife due to the social & religious upbringing. She used to be quite Traditional in respect to her sexual preference, dressing up etc. But, it was me who had the exhibition/sharing/etc. fantasies that turned me on extremely.

When I first shared my fantasies with her, she seemed quite perplexed by all these. But, slowly she began warm up to some of the ideas. She started sharing with me her thoughts about the dresses she'd like to wear if we visit/live in some other places. She was still conscious about dressing up because she wasn't entirely confident with her body. Although I just love her stacked body, she's not​ a fan of her D cups because of being only 1.55m (5'1") tall.

But, since being here, as her dressing style changed, I think she has become a little more confident (although still complains about her height). When at a gathering she wore mini skirts with a crop top & sent me the photos, I could see her being kinda proud of her looks. She has managed to overcome a lot of her psychological barriers in changing her dressing style. These days, based on the occasion, she always picks the appropriate dresses. The dress she has got for the next party that I mentioned in the post is a mini dress which really beautifully shows her cleavage too & she got it without my input at all.

As far as the fantasies go, I always had these fantasies that are not 'swinging' per se, rather can be labeled as 'hotwifing' (I think). To explain it I should say that I am a little bit interested in swinging with couples, but I fantasize way more wishing to see her getting real intimate with a guy. Yeah, I still find other women sexy & as I mentioned in the post, in dirty talking we talk about having sex with each other's friends. But it's not like i am dying to have sex with someone else as much as I'd love to see my wife getting close with a guy or kissing him. So, it's not anything like what's appropriate within the limits of our marriage as I encourage her to get intimate.

To sum up, thus far my wife is comfortable with dressing sexy where it is appropriate & I am enjoying it extremely as I love when she shows her off. But, although she's kinda enjoying getting somewhat intimate with other guys (which I also love so much), she is still confused about the whole thing. So, I need suggestion regarding how can I make her more comfortable & less confused with this.

Talk about limits. Just fantasies? Just flirting turning you on? Or open relationship?

For the time being, I have already talked to her about the party I mentioned in the original post. Naturally, we both are completely ok with her dancing with other guys. Hugging is another thing that is quite normal to me. In my eyes, being married doesn't mean that my wife cannot hug another guy friend and by that I mean not half hearted sideways hug or something, rather the regular frontal ones.

And, when I told her that in the party dancing with other guys is completely OK, she asked me that what if she enjoys this time if a guys hands go near her boobs or ass. So, I have told her clearly that as long as she enjoys, I'd also immensely a guy going near or touching her boobs or ass. We both have discussed about it a lot and she knows about my fantasies too. So, I made it clear to her that this time I would wholeheartedly welcome her up to the point of kissing.

My advice would be for her would be to go through these explorations at her own pace and comfort level. If she's "thinking back and forth", just let her draw her own conclusion without offering any unsolicited advice. Whatever that decision is, respect it. I'm not saying this is happening, but she should never feel "encouraged" to do something she's not completely comfortable with in order to satisfy your turnons.

She is thinking back & forth and asking for my advice. Although my sexual side wants to encourage her to go ahead, my rational side wants to give her the best advice to make her comfortable. So, what could be my rational suggestion to her?

Your comment is filled with such negativity & that's the main reason for most people still not willing to open up or to seek advice. Due to my work & her studies, we are staying in two different cities for a few months. We have been together for more​ than 7 years, still in our youthful prime & we both encourage each other to enjoy some joyous party time to blow off some steam. You don't need to agree with our lifestyle, rather just need to accept that being husband & wife can have different meanings to different couples. There is no standardized version as we all have diverse emotions & preferences. The way you tried impose yourself could only be expected from an oppressive society, where female sexuality is a taboo subject to open up about; not from a long experienced member of a premium relationship experience sharing/advising platform.

 

I'm not going to apologize for my or my wife's sexual preferences and I'm not ashamed of being willing to have unconventional sexual experiences with her. We have been together for a long time & our understanding is of the charts. This social & cultural changes have been a little new us, hence sought advices from the ones who have somehow experienced the same.

 

Thank you

I think the two of you need to form some boundaries so that she stays safe and you keep your fantasies for one another's eyes and ears only. Yours and hers naiveté is going to get the two of you in trouble.

Your wife is going to end up raped or sexually abused and you seem to be okay with that. She is putting herself in precarious positions, and is basically C**k teasing her way into trouble. If you think a simple straight up acknowledgement of what is happening is being negative then I wonder how negative you will feel if your wife ends up being abused by stranger men while you're thousands of miles away and dreaming about having sex with her friends.

 

I think the two of you need to form some boundaries so that she stays safe and you keep your fantasies for one another's eyes and ears only. Yours and hers naiveté is going to get the two of you in trouble.

Ah! Another platinum member!

Ah! Another platinum member!

You really should look at helping your wife to protect herself while out teasing men and allowing them to grab her like what's been going on... before you're both in over your heads and she gets hurt emotionally or physically or both.

OP, instead of being rude and dismissive to posters who are taking the time to read and respond to you, perhaps take some time to consider their feedback and reply respectfully.

I know what "hotwifing" is, and I know people who enjoy it. However, given your wife's conservative upbringing, her only-recent transition into a more liberal society and your geographic distance to her - you're setting yourselves up for a problem. Men will easily pick up on her lack of experience and relative naivety, and quickly figure out that she is essentially alone in a foreign place. The wrong ones are going to try to exploit that, and you and your wife could end up with a lot more than you bargained for. Going into this without considering the substantial risk is plain foolish.

My honest suggestion? Don't let this go any further while you are not there with her. When you're in the same vicinity with her, then sure, explore the options. Together. Without you being around, it's just not wise or mindful of your wife's safety and comfort. Even if she doesn't feel uncomfortable, she likely also isn't totally aware of the risks if she was raised conservatively and hasn't had the opportunity to develop street smarts.

You're only kidding yourself.

You never wanted to, or didn't understand how to change into a married man.

You prodded her to do the same, and are now surprised its happening.

One and done, youthful marriages have low odds of survival as it is. You made those odds even greater.

Don't block out what you are hearing with broad sweeping comments.

If you choose to remain in your fantasy/denial world, you'll lose her.

Some guys get off on being a cuckold and fantasizing about their partners having sex with other men, perhaps you'll progress to watching her do this. Read up on your predilection. It seems this thread is about writing out these fantasies, not what conversations and limits you should have with your wife, since you've already discussed all that with her.

I made it clear to her that this time I would wholeheartedly welcome her up to the point of kissing.

OP, instead of being rude and dismissive to posters who are taking the time to read and respond to you, perhaps take some time to consider their feedback and reply respectfully.

 

I know what "hotwifing" is, and I know people who enjoy it. However, given your wife's conservative upbringing, her only-recent transition into a more liberal society and your geographic distance to her - you're setting yourselves up for a problem. Men will easily pick up on her lack of experience and relative naivety, and quickly figure out that she is essentially alone in a foreign place. The wrong ones are going to try to exploit that, and you and your wife could end up with a lot more than you bargained for. Going into this without considering the substantial risk is plain foolish.

 

My honest suggestion? Don't let this go any further while you are not there with her. When you're in the same vicinity with her, then sure, explore the options. Together. Without you being around, it's just not wise or mindful of your wife's safety and comfort. Even if she doesn't feel uncomfortable, she likely also isn't totally aware of the risks if she was raised conservatively and hasn't had the opportunity to develop street smarts.

Thank you a lot for the advices. I wasn't trying to be rude to the other ones in the first place, but just out of nowhere some of them seemed to create a too toxic environment to share which got the better of me.

I'll surely talk to her again about the importance of boundaries, especially with me not being around. It's not like our biological clock is ticking that fast that we can't wait longer to live on our fantasies I suppose. Thank you once again.

She is thinking back & forth and asking for my advice. Although my sexual side wants to encourage her to go ahead, my rational side wants to give her the best advice to make her comfortable. So, what could be my rational suggestion to her?

Really? Because that's not what you said. You said:

Although she hasn't asked me what to do, I think for her the biggest surprise was that like the stories we used to share, she actually enjoyed quite a bit of the party experiences. As always, I'm really cool with that and I would like her to explore her sexuality even more. But, I think, she's been in a little bit of a pickle as she would like to continue, yet she is a little bit shy still.

Now, if that's changed, and she is now asking you what to do, and you have this nonchalant attitude about it, I'd tell her to do whatever she feels comfortable with, and not do anything she's not comfortable with, and nothing more.

OP, instead of being rude and dismissive to posters who are taking the time to read and respond to you, perhaps take some time to consider their feedback and reply respectfully.

 

I know what "hotwifing" is, and I know people who enjoy it. However, given your wife's conservative upbringing, her only-recent transition into a more liberal society and your geographic distance to her - you're setting yourselves up for a problem. Men will easily pick up on her lack of experience and relative naivety, and quickly figure out that she is essentially alone in a foreign place. The wrong ones are going to try to exploit that, and you and your wife could end up with a lot more than you bargained for. Going into this without considering the substantial risk is plain foolish.

 

My honest suggestion? Don't let this go any further while you are not there with her. When you're in the same vicinity with her, then sure, explore the options. Together. Without you being around, it's just not wise or mindful of your wife's safety and comfort. Even if she doesn't feel uncomfortable, she likely also isn't totally aware of the risks if she was raised conservatively and hasn't had the opportunity to develop street smarts.

One of the things about growing up in a country where mild sexual harassment of females is pretty common, is that young women DO learn how to deal with creepy guys - street smarts, as MissCanuck put it. Some of her party-going will be harmless fun, but predatory guys will pick up on her vulnerability if she isn't careful and she may find herself the victim of something she really hadn't planned in the first place. It's not unusual for young teenage girls who look much older than they are, but don't have much life experience, to find themselves in situations they can't handle, too.

This isn't about making any kind of moral judgment. It's about her not putting herself in risky situations when you're not around to help.