Difficult to let go of deaf long distance crush

Hi guys! I'm not very familiar with posting on forums but i really need some support and the view of outsiders on my situation. I will try to keep it short!

 

Last year in march i traveled to Africa for work. I worked in a city but traveled to an oasis a few times. I met someone in this oasis in the middle of nowhere. I will call him S. I saw S. a few times with a few weeks in between and we started to hand out as friends. The third time i went to this oasis, i began to develop feelings for him. Before i didn't find him very attractive physically, but i got to know him and slowly fell in love.

 

He is deaf, so communicating was difficult in the beginning. No official sign lanuage and he cannot write. But i started to feel a connection between us and i saw his kindness, he treated animals and people with a lot of love.

 

When i was in the city, we used to send each other messages on facebook, manly emoticons. And we video called many times. During my third visit in the oasis, in july, he told me he loved me. He wanted to have sex with me but i kept some distance. I left to the city, we kept in touch and three weeks later i went to the oasis again. We had sex this time, and we had a lot of fun together. He showed me around the oasis and treated me with a lot of affection. I knew he only had sex with a girl once before in his life. He liked many girls but it was difficult to get to know them. I felt like he really deserved to receive some love..

 

A few days later i had to return to Germany for my study. We said goodbye and we kept in touch when i was in Germany. In december i went back. I did not know how strong my feelings for him were, which i discovered when i saw him again. I was madly in love. But also had been dating a guy in Germany in the mean time and i did not know if he was okay with me having sex with someone else. S. Tried to seduce me a couple of times and i kept pushing him away. It was very difficult but it didn't feel fair to my date in Germany. I went from the oasis to the city again and kept in touch with S. He knew that i loved him, that was very clear. I think everyone knew. Lots of people saw us together and everyone told me that they could see so much love and affection between us. I told him about my date and that i did not want to hurt anyone. He understood and respected this. We continued to hang out and went on a lot of adventures together.

 

Back in the city i spoke with my date about everything. He said that i was free to do whatever i want, he would do the same.

 

Three weeks later i went to the oasis again and saw S. I was madly in love. He is such a good person and i wanted him to feel love from a woman, as he never really experienced that. I gave him everything. All of my love and affection, to show him that he's really worth it. We spent a lot of time together and had so much fun. We had sex almost every night, it was great. He was very honest about not wanting a relationship now and he liked many girls. Fine with me, i just want him to be happy. Maybe one time i was a bit jealous, and he saw that. He was talking about a girl and i was drunk and told him to off, half-joking. Saying goodbye was quite hard for me. I did not really show this, because he was calm about it too. I went back to Germany. But now there is a sudden radio silence. He does not text me or call me anymore, he almost did this every day before. I dont know what to think, as i can not talk with him. Is it hardfor him? Or was i too much? or was i too 'easy to get' in the end? I don't know what to think! He lives a very isolated life and every time i went to the oasis we had lots of fun, i also took friends with me many times. Maybe he feels lonely... or he thinks i'm a ... Or suddenly wants to let me go. But i don't know why, out of the blue..

 

I try to be positive about it, because i felt so much love coming from him. It felt so real. Many of me friends saw a deep connection between us. Many of his friends could easily tell that we were in love. But i cant help it, i feel so abandoned and rejected. He was so into me, and now he seems to be not interested anymore at all. Anyone knows how to deal with this? I have to let go but cannot get any closure.

Thanks in advance for reading this all :)

Would you have had any future with him in an oasis in the middle of nowhere?

I read a really nice analogy on baggage reclaim. Some people can feel like home and we can share love and intimacy with them for a time but they are not home, you cannot make a home here. I think you and S shared something genuine, and I also think that S is not home.

 

The madly in love feelings will fade if you let them and get back to your own life.

Thanks for your replies :)

S. Lives in the oasis, and he has his work there. It was very clear from the beginning that we weren't going into an relationship, just sharing love and fun.

 

My best friend from germany visited me in Africa and she built a nice friendship with S. She also never hears from him again suddenly after we left the last time.

 

I went to the oasis to help with a desert reclamation project. It is very likely that i will go again on a regular basis. I told S. that i first have to finish my study for half a year or a year. My boss wants me to go live in the oasis permanently but i'm not ready for that in this stage of my life, the place is too remote.

 

I'm just looking for some peace of mind.. i keep thinking about him and why he stopped contacting, i keep dreaming about him. It feels like i jeed some closure, but i think i just need to let it go. I want to be able to enjoy the beautiful memories i have with him, but i'm not able to, because my doubts are haunting me. A voice in my head keeps saying that i'm not good enough for him or i did or say some things wrong. But i also keep worrying that there is something not okay with him. I know his life is not easy, being deaf in his society.

 

Many guys in the oasis were very jealous that S. hung out with me and they excluded him from their activities and tried to be with me alone. Local women are not an option as they are married and not allowed to speak to any other man and they are inside the house. Unmarried women will marry someone their family choose. So whenever a foreign woman enters the oasis, all the guys will try to get to her.

 

I just want everything to be fine, and not awkward whenever i return and see him. I'm afraid that i'll have to wait untill i ever see him again to get some closure but i want to be able to let it go and look back to everything with a happy mind...

Hi guys! I'm not very familiar with posting on forums but i really need some support and the view of outsiders on my situation. I will try to keep it short!

 

Last year in march i traveled to Africa for work. I worked in a city but traveled to an oasis a few times. I met someone in this oasis in the middle of nowhere. I will call him S. I saw S. a few times with a few weeks in between and we started to hand out as friends. The third time i went to this oasis, i began to develop feelings for him. Before i didn't find him very attractive physically, but i got to know him and slowly fell in love.

 

He is deaf, so communicating was difficult in the beginning. No official sign lanuage and he cannot write. But i started to feel a connection between us and i saw his kindness, he treated animals and people with a lot of love.

 

When i was in the city, we used to send each other messages on facebook, manly emoticons. And we video called many times. During my third visit in the oasis, in july, he told me he loved me. He wanted to have sex with me but i kept some distance. I left to the city, we kept in touch and three weeks later i went to the oasis again. We had sex this time, and we had a lot of fun together. He showed me around the oasis and treated me with a lot of affection. I knew he only had sex with a girl once before in his life. He liked many girls but it was difficult to get to know them. I felt like he really deserved to receive some love..

 

A few days later i had to return to Germany for my study. We said goodbye and we kept in touch when i was in Germany. In december i went back. I did not know how strong my feelings for him were, which i discovered when i saw him again. I was madly in love. But also had been dating a guy in Germany in the mean time and i did not know if he was okay with me having sex with someone else. S. Tried to seduce me a couple of times and i kept pushing him away. It was very difficult but it didn't feel fair to my date in Germany. I went from the oasis to the city again and kept in touch with S. He knew that i loved him, that was very clear. I think everyone knew. Lots of people saw us together and everyone told me that they could see so much love and affection between us. I told him about my date and that i did not want to hurt anyone. He understood and respected this. We continued to hang out and went on a lot of adventures together.

 

Back in the city i spoke with my date about everything. He said that i was free to do whatever i want, he would do the same.

 

Three weeks later i went to the oasis again and saw S. I was madly in love. He is such a good person and i wanted him to feel love from a woman, as he never really experienced that. I gave him everything. All of my love and affection, to show him that he's really worth it. We spent a lot of time together and had so much fun. We had sex almost every night, it was great. He was very honest about not wanting a relationship now and he liked many girls. Fine with me, i just want him to be happy. Maybe one time i was a bit jealous, and he saw that. He was talking about a girl and i was drunk and told him to off, half-joking. Saying goodbye was quite hard for me. I did not really show this, because he was calm about it too. I went back to Germany. But now there is a sudden radio silence. He does not text me or call me anymore, he almost did this every day before. I dont know what to think, as i can not talk with him. Is it hardfor him? Or was i too much? or was i too 'easy to get' in the end? I don't know what to think! He lives a very isolated life and every time i went to the oasis we had lots of fun, i also took friends with me many times. Maybe he feels lonely... or he thinks i'm a ... Or suddenly wants to let me go. But i don't know why, out of the blue..

 

I try to be positive about it, because i felt so much love coming from him. It felt so real. Many of me friends saw a deep connection between us. Many of his friends could easily tell that we were in love. But i cant help it, i feel so abandoned and rejected. He was so into me, and now he seems to be not interested anymore at all. Anyone knows how to deal with this? I have to let go but cannot get any closure.

Thanks in advance for reading this all :)

You will probably not find the closure you are looking for. In fact in most relationships in life we don't get the closure we feel we need. Sometimes there isn't really an answer to be given. Sometimes the other person just doesn't know. It just wasnt what they wanted and dont know what to say. Don't drive your self crazy needing closure. Its done so take your wonderful memories and remember your time with him. Jist know it wasnt meant to be for some reason or another. Find a new happiness.

Also he did tell you that he didnt want a relationship right now. Maybe he realized you were feeling too much more for him than he did you ans let you go so you wouldnt be hurt.

Really you wont ever know for sure unless he tells you. But don't waste anymore time needing the closure. Its just keeping you in that same place. Move forward and enjoy your life.

Good luck!

Is there any way you can at least ask him if he's okay?