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Thread: I punched my fiance during an argument

  1. #1
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    I punched my fiance during an argument

    This happened two months ago and I'm not getting married anymore. He took me out of all his contact list.

    I know I'm late but is there some way this can ever be worked out in the future or a slim chance he might come back. I've never hit anyone in my life before and I don't drink either. We were arguing for several months about the same issues (managing the bills, his overbearing parents and how to raise kids) and I made a mistake. It was enough to bust his lips and draw blood. I've tried apologizing over and over but he wouldn't accept it. He broke off the wedding and we haven't spoken ever since.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You can't fix that. He could of by rights charged you, so you're lucky he didn't.

    You should however consider an anger management class so that this issue does't ruin any future relationships.

  3. #3
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    Well, he's the victim and he's entitled to react as he feels comfortable. I would think that the only way is if you not only apologized but assured him that it would never happen again and what you were going to do to insure it never happens again (for example,counseling-or anger management classes?). There will always be difference of opinion on the topics you listed and I understand that you reacted impulsively but since it had to do with your reaction to what are often typical topics I bet you can understand why that might be a dealbreaker to a future together (i.e. you didn't hit him because you found him having sex with someone -like a crime of passion). I would give it one more try but only if he is willing to talk/meet with you -ask him that first.

    Also could it be he was looking for an excuse generally to end things?

  4. #4
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    If someone hit me, I would be done. He made the right decision.

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  6. #5
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    I'm currently searching for anger management sessions near my area. I have no idea where this sudden outburst came from?

    Is it common for someone with a great upbringing to one time react in that manner? I was never abused at home nor bullied at school.

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    Batya33, nope there were no other excuses he was looking for. Immediately after the punch, he said it was over and demanded back the ring. I gave it to him.

    We were already set to get married by April of this year. I feel so horrible. Maybe neither of you nor him might believe me but it's not ever going to happen again.

  8. #7
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    This would be a deal breaker for me as well. I wouldn't ever go back to someone who hit me like that. A couple notes for your self-improvement:

    I bet you never thought it would happen the first time, either. You need to consider how you will react when you're that angry in the future. Counseling could give you understanding as to why you felt it was okay to assault/abuse him, and strategies for avoiding that in the future.

  9. #8
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Pleasedonot5
    This would be a deal breaker for me as well. I wouldn't ever go back to someone who hit me like that. A couple notes for your self-improvement:

    I bet you never thought it would happen the first time, either. You need to consider how you will react when you're that angry in the future. Counseling could give you understanding as to why you felt it was okay to assault/abuse him, and strategies for avoiding that in the future.
    I second this post.

  10. #9
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    This would be a deal breaker for me too. Once there is abuse it is over.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by DorothyF87
    Batya33, nope there were no other excuses he was looking for. Immediately after the punch, he said it was over and demanded back the ring. I gave it to him.

    We were already set to get married by April of this year. I feel so horrible. Maybe neither of you nor him might believe me but it's not ever going to happen again.
    I thought about it more and I would be done too especially if I thought about having children with the person. I have learned about angry reactions (no, no physical violence on my part) that it can't just be "knowing" or "promising" - you have to do the work to find out what the trigger was and figure out ways to calm yourself down, have go-to resources so that right on the spot when the impulse strikes you or you feel out of control you get yourself in control and not to that point.

    But having said that he is the victim and he was very physically hurt - not to split hairs but my guess is that if you had instead raised your hand but not struck him or you were already in close proximity to him physically and without knowing your strength pulled on his arm or squeezed too hard maybe there'd be another chance -like a warning signal - but a punch in the face and drawing blood is not ok. This is not to make you feel worse just I can relate to why he wouldn't want to plan a marriage or family with you.

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