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I punched my fiance during an argument


DorothyF87

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This happened two months ago and I'm not getting married anymore. He took me out of all his contact list.

 

I know I'm late but is there some way this can ever be worked out in the future or a slim chance he might come back. I've never hit anyone in my life before and I don't drink either. We were arguing for several months about the same issues (managing the bills, his overbearing parents and how to raise kids) and I made a mistake. It was enough to bust his lips and draw blood. I've tried apologizing over and over but he wouldn't accept it. He broke off the wedding and we haven't spoken ever since.

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Well, he's the victim and he's entitled to react as he feels comfortable. I would think that the only way is if you not only apologized but assured him that it would never happen again and what you were going to do to insure it never happens again (for example,counseling-or anger management classes?). There will always be difference of opinion on the topics you listed and I understand that you reacted impulsively but since it had to do with your reaction to what are often typical topics I bet you can understand why that might be a dealbreaker to a future together (i.e. you didn't hit him because you found him having sex with someone -like a crime of passion). I would give it one more try but only if he is willing to talk/meet with you -ask him that first.

 

Also could it be he was looking for an excuse generally to end things?

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Batya33, nope there were no other excuses he was looking for. Immediately after the punch, he said it was over and demanded back the ring. I gave it to him.

 

We were already set to get married by April of this year. I feel so horrible. Maybe neither of you nor him might believe me but it's not ever going to happen again.

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This would be a deal breaker for me as well. I wouldn't ever go back to someone who hit me like that. A couple notes for your self-improvement:

 

I bet you never thought it would happen the first time, either. You need to consider how you will react when you're that angry in the future. Counseling could give you understanding as to why you felt it was okay to assault/abuse him, and strategies for avoiding that in the future.

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This would be a deal breaker for me as well. I wouldn't ever go back to someone who hit me like that. A couple notes for your self-improvement:

 

I bet you never thought it would happen the first time, either. You need to consider how you will react when you're that angry in the future. Counseling could give you understanding as to why you felt it was okay to assault/abuse him, and strategies for avoiding that in the future.

 

I second this post.

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Batya33, nope there were no other excuses he was looking for. Immediately after the punch, he said it was over and demanded back the ring. I gave it to him.

 

We were already set to get married by April of this year. I feel so horrible. Maybe neither of you nor him might believe me but it's not ever going to happen again.

 

I thought about it more and I would be done too especially if I thought about having children with the person. I have learned about angry reactions (no, no physical violence on my part) that it can't just be "knowing" or "promising" - you have to do the work to find out what the trigger was and figure out ways to calm yourself down, have go-to resources so that right on the spot when the impulse strikes you or you feel out of control you get yourself in control and not to that point.

 

But having said that he is the victim and he was very physically hurt - not to split hairs but my guess is that if you had instead raised your hand but not struck him or you were already in close proximity to him physically and without knowing your strength pulled on his arm or squeezed too hard maybe there'd be another chance -like a warning signal - but a punch in the face and drawing blood is not ok. This is not to make you feel worse just I can relate to why he wouldn't want to plan a marriage or family with you.

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I'm going to seek help this week. I love and miss him very much. Never in my life thought I would be capable of hitting someone I love. Before getting engaged, we were together for nearly 4 years.

This feels as if a huge portion of my life has been tossed out the window. His parents took me out of their fb list too and want nothing to do with me either.

 

Batya33, I'm going to agree with you on your last post. I think there might have been a warning issued to me if it had just been a slap, something like ''next time I'm going to leave''. Though knowing him well, he's the type that once it's over then it's over. When he breaks up is because it's something he considers serious enough to end it. Given I'm really a 5'9 woman (long, wide hands) and used to be athletic during my school years, that might explain why a hit from me would be harder than usual. I'll never forget that shock look in his face. It's the look someone gives when you really scared someone.

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I'm going to seek help this week. I love and miss him very much. Never in my life thought I would be capable of hitting someone I love. Before getting engaged, we were together for nearly 4 years.

This feels as if a huge portion of my life has been tossed out the window. His parents took me out of their fb list too and want nothing to do with me either.

 

Your efforts to fix it are so disingenuous. It took you two months to decide to seek help. Two months. That’s 59 days too long.

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I think it is time to move on. He won't come back . And even if he did his parents would never accept you back . I know if a gf hit my son I would be done with her and I would encourage him to never go back.

 

My brother was punched the head and face by his wife at the end of their marriage. They were together for 19 years and for 10 years of their marriage she mentally and emotionally abused him. Then the last month she started physically attacking him. My brother left and my mother and I encouraged him to never return. They share 3 children so this woman will never be really gone but he will never go back to her . It has been 5 years since he left .

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And even if he did his parents would never accept you back .

 

Totally agree. Think of it this way OP, you have a son you love and have raised and some woman punches or slaps him when he's older. There is no forgiveness in it, ever.

 

It will be difficult but you must accept now that this is over and try to heal from it. It will take time but you can move forward from it.

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"We were arguing for several months about the same issues (managing the bills, his overbearing parents and how to raise kids)"

 

Aside from the punch getting married with such major unresolved issues would have spelled disaster anyway. Sorry. Glad you are seeking help though.

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"We were arguing for several months about the same issues (managing the bills, his overbearing parents and how to raise kids)"

 

Aside from the punch getting married with such major unresolved issues would have spelled disaster anyway. Sorry. Glad you are seeking help though.

Absolutely. Money, how to raise kids and each other's parents can end relationships. My husband and I only ever have massive disagreements about his parents. They have been consistently horrible to me our whole relationship and I dispise them. I have sympathy for them because they are very elderly now but literally can't stand them. They are insufferable.

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You've made a fair point SherrySher. I wish to have kids one day and would want the best for them, to see them happy, safe and healthy. I understand his parents will never like me ever after what I did.

 

After they unfriended me, I've send an apologetic message to them. They didn't reply back. He's their only child.

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You've made a fair point SherrySher. I wish to have kids one day and would want the best for them, to see them happy, safe and healthy. I understand his parents will never like me ever after what I did.

 

After they unfriended me, I've send an apologetic message to them. They didn't reply back. He's their only child.

 

Only child or not they would be protective.

 

You would never want someone to abuse your child.

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I know it can be difficult to understand the dynamic between a child and their parents if you're the one dating them. But an only child is cherished and parents will be over protective.

Anyone that dates an only child needs to realize this and be okay with it.

 

I'm sorry Dorothy, I know you didn't mean it, but the family won't accept you after this. Don't beat yourself up over it. Learn the lesson, better yourself, your life is not over.

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I left an engagement with my former fiance punched me, caused a concussion, and costed a trip to the ER. I suffered a head injury (I was still in college, and studying was very difficult), emotional distress, AND a hospital bill. My future of getting an education and becoming a teacher was nearly jeopardized just from a blow to the head. It was enough to say "I'm done."

 

As painful as it was, I am so happy now that I did not return to that relationship.

 

Use this time to work on yourself. If there was that much stress in the relationship... chances are, the marriage isn't worth it. I would let your family know that the relationship was not working and the wedding is cancelled... and not go into details beyond that to save your self-honor.

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We were already set to get married by April of this year. I feel so horrible. Maybe neither of you nor him might believe me but it's not ever going to happen again.

 

How can you be sure? You sound like you didn't know it was going to happen that time. Deal breaker for me too. Good luck with counseling. You may discover something of which you were unaware or suppressing.

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This happened two months ago and I'm not getting married anymore. He took me out of all his contact list.

 

I know I'm late but is there some way this can ever be worked out in the future or a slim chance he might come back. I've never hit anyone in my life before and I don't drink either. We were arguing for several months about the same issues (managing the bills, his overbearing parents and how to raise kids) and I made a mistake. It was enough to bust his lips and draw blood. I've tried apologizing over and over but he wouldn't accept it. He broke off the wedding and we haven't spoken ever since.

 

You could have ended up in court and possibly jail! Why would he ever want to talk to you again? I'd break the engagement too.

 

Consider anger management classes, you sound like you need it.

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I am so sorry that this happened to you. But, it would be an absolute deal breaker for me. I can imagine if the tables were turned you would feel the same way. Violence is never the answer but on the bright side atleast you are taking steps to improve you!

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Maybe neither of you nor him might believe me but it's not ever going to happen again.

 

You're not in therapy or anger management and it's been two months since the event and you're only just now saying you're looking into it.

 

Once you've hit someone, the facts are that it's easier to hit them again in the future. You need to be taking this much more seriously than you are. He could still press charges if he wanted to.

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