First Fight

I have been dating my [23F] significant other [23M] for almost 3 mo. now. We are both busy people and see each other 1-2 times a week and text several times each day. However, we have not discussed being exclusive or defining the relationship at all. I have met a couple of his friends and he has met mine and agreed to meet my parents.

On NYE, we were out with my friends and I ended up accidentally drinking too much. At some point in the night (I don't remember) I apparently started talking to a random guy at the bar. The next thing I know when my memory returned, he was yelling at me for talking to this guy. Since I couldn't give him an explanation (again, I didn't remember) all I could say was I never would have done that and I only wanted to be with him. He kept pressing and arguing and I eventually yelled back that we've never discussed our relationship so I don't know what I can and cannot do.

The next morning I said I was sorry and again sent an apology and that I wanted to be with him via text, he told me he was confused but thanked me for saying that. I didn't hear from him for the rest of the week until I called and left a voicemail asking if there was a time to grab coffee this weekend. To which he texted that Monday would work.

Is this "relationship" over? I am aware that the way I acted was terribly disrespectful and it is dangerous to get so intoxicated, but I truly do not remember any of the situation and was horrified to hear of it when he confronted me afterwards. I would have never in 1000 years paid attention to anyone but him had I been able to control my actions. I have really spent time wrestling with myself about this and I am positive.

any advice you could give me would be helpful, I don't want to ruin what was otherwise a great thing with one drunken mistake.

I have been dating my [23F] significant other [23M] for almost 3 mo. now. We are both busy people and see each other 1-2 times a week and text several times each day. However, we have not discussed being exclusive or defining the relationship at all. I have met a couple of his friends and he has met mine and agreed to meet my parents.

 

On NYE, we were out with my friends and I ended up accidentally drinking too much. At some point in the night (I don't remember) I apparently started talking to a random guy at the bar. The next thing I know when my memory returned, he was yelling at me for talking to this guy. Since I couldn't give him an explanation (again, I didn't remember) all I could say was I never would have done that and I only wanted to be with him. He kept pressing and arguing and I eventually yelled back that we've never discussed our relationship so I don't know what I can and cannot do.

 

The next morning I said I was sorry and again sent an apology and that I wanted to be with him via text, he told me he was confused but thanked me for saying that. I didn't hear from him for the rest of the week until I called and left a voicemail asking if there was a time to grab coffee this weekend. To which he texted that Monday would work.

 

Is this "relationship" over? I am aware that the way I acted was terribly disrespectful and it is dangerous to get so intoxicated, but I truly do not remember any of the situation and was horrified to hear of it when he confronted me afterwards. I would have never in 1000 years paid attention to anyone but him had I been able to control my actions. I have really spent time wrestling with myself about this and I am positive.

 

any advice you could give me would be helpful, I don't want to ruin what was otherwise a great thing with one drunken mistake.

I don’t feel like that was enough to end a relationship especially since you say you were that drunk. He seems to be overreacting. I would be upset, too but why end a relationship over that? Why did he let you talk to a guy like that if you were that drunk?

It's not up to anyone to "let" someone do something. These are adults.

By "talking to", what do you mean? You simply had a conversation? Does he only want you speaking to him?

On NYE, we were out with my friends and I ended up accidentally drinking too much. At some point in the night (I don't remember) I apparently started talking to a random guy at the bar. The next thing I know when my memory returned, he was yelling at me for talking to this guy.

I can't imagine why he would have such an unbelievably childish reaction to you talking to another guy. He is either incredibly immature or you were overly flirting and not just "talking".

Maybe time for you both to re-think this relationship.

I haven’t gotten a clear answer from him regarding how it happened. All I remember him saying is I started talking to the guy and walked to the bar with him, but came back pretty quickly.

I haven’t gotten a clear answer from him regarding how it happened. All I remember him saying is I started talking to the guy and walked to the bar with him, but came back pretty quickly.

So he wants you to talk to him only? Is that OK with you?

Well considering u haven't defined what is you guys have with each other, he has no right to get pissed off at u. Like are u guys even in a relationship.

No, but if he interpreted it as flirting then I see his point

No, but if he interpreted it as flirting then I see his point

No, if he "interpreted" it as flirting when you simply had a conversation with a human who didn't happen to be him or a female, that is HIS issue, not yours.

No, but if he interpreted it as flirting then I see his point

To be fair, when observing drunk people "talking" to the opposite sex, it doesn't usually come across as talking, but looks a lot more like flirting and sometimes over the top, which could make any partner feel uneasy and not overly happy. (Just trying to see it from his point of view). That said, as long as none of us know what really happened, it's all just a guessing game.

I can't imagine why he would have such an unbelievably childish reaction to you talking to another guy. He is either incredibly immature or you were overly flirting and not just "talking".

 

Maybe time for you both to re-think this relationship.

YES! I fail to see any harm in just "taking" to a person of the opposite sex. Your bf is an immature jerk, IMO, and he's got no right to yell at you or tell you who you can or cannot talk to. You've seen an unpleasant side of him, so you are now learning what he is really like. At just 3 months in, you should rethink this relationship.

You don't know each other very well yet, and you are not exclusive, so it may be best to just let this one go.

In that situation, sure, I can see saying good bye to a man if there was an incident where we were on a date and he got so drunk he couldn't remember what he did that night. I don't know what you all did as far as interactions with other men, but the drunkeness by itself can be enough for some people when early on in dating and you don't know how a person really is. It's the getting to know you stage, so he doesn't have the context you do about yourself to know if it is out of character or not.

It does seem less than mature for him to argue with you about it, as if you aren't happy with the person at three months of dating, you may as well just bow out gracefully and without causing a scene. But you are both young, making mistakes, and it's not the end of the world.

As far as what to do now, that's up to you, but I do hope you will take home the message that it's not a great idea to get drunk with a guy when dating.

I don't understand what you did wrong? Are not allowed to talk tot the opposite sex?

The yelling is very concerning, and a red flag. It doesn't matter whether you are exclusive , or not, his behavior was unacceptable.

I just am unsure why he would not talk to me for days all because of this incident..

I just am unsure why he would not talk to me for days all because of this incident..

You were being punished. I would rethink this.

I just am unsure why he would not talk to me for days all because of this incident..

He's overreacting, that's why.

You told him that you don't remember. You made it clear that you're only interested in him. That's enough. He had an opportunity to clarify that he only wants to be with you, but instead he gave you the silent treatment. This has Manipulation and Control written all over it. You are expected to feel guilty and come crawling back. I wouldn't do it if I were you. I'd make my getaway now.

Just a question...... do you regularly drink until you can't remember what happened? It sounds like you're not completely sure what happened on NYE. I don't know if he's being a controlling jerk or if you were really flirting heavily with this guy or some combination of both.... but if you regularly can't remember what happened after drinking, this would be the time to cut back.

Just a question...... do you regularly drink until you can't remember what happened? It sounds like you're not completely sure what happened on NYE. I don't know if he's being a controlling jerk or if you were really flirting heavily with this guy or some combination of both.... but if you regularly can't remember what happened after drinking, this would be the time to cut back.

I am aware of this and it doesn’t happen often but I am re-evaluating my drinking practices after this incident

I just am unsure why he would not talk to me for days all because of this incident..

Because he's an immature jerk.

I just am unsure why he would not talk to me for days all because of this incident..

A loss of interest on his part.

Ok let me get this straight

He won't commit to you by the whole not putting a label on it thing

You talked to another guy and got drunk to probably overboard flirting

He shouted at you in public showing his true colors

Now he won't talk to you

As I see it the guy wants it to be okay not to be exclusive with you, but only you exclusive with him.

Meaning, don't talk to the opposite sex but I'm sure he can do what he wants with woman.

He's a hypocrite with a bad fuse if a temper!

Also no it's not good to get that drunk but you would think he would know you weren't acting like yourself by drinking that much.

He sounds like he had certain limits to your so called relationship which is bizarre since you've been together 3 months and he won't commit.

He's not talking to you because it's his way of getting out.

He's a childish jerk so count your lucky stars and say good riddance.

Lisa

I don't really see the leap to assuming this guy is a childish jerk. I agree confronting her about her behaviour while drunk the way she describes is not a good way to handle it, but other than that, he did nothing wrong. I think OP may have assumed there was more to this 'relationship' than there really was, for a few reasons. Not understanding why someone at early stages of dating would be turned off by drunk to the point of not remembering their actions and may not want to resume dating as usual - one. Not being exclusive nor even talked about that and yet calling him a significant other and this a 'first fight' ( implying an assumption that this is an otherwise committed relationship rather than early dating where people can and do change their minds about continuing for whatever reasons)- two.

I'm imagining in his shoes. Dating someone casually, three months in, you go out and your date gets drunk and you feel uncomfortable with their behaviour. You like the person so you are disappointed and say something stupid by confronting them. They tell you they can't remember anything and anyways, you aren't exclusive yet so who are you to be upset really.

It's a whole lot of fuss for someone you weren't sure about committing to yet, makes you think hmm, maybe I should just stop and think about this.

I don't think either one of them is terrible, they both made some blunders and are learning. OP can take some lessons from this for future dating. He's not here posting, but yes he could take lessons from it too. But I don't think it's helpful to paint him as this all over jerk. Or for OP to think that. They both have some less than stellar dating behaviours.

Perhaps he was looking for a way out of this quasi-relationship, OP, and is using this as his exit strategy. Or perhaps he really is put off by your behaviour and losing interest as a result.

At 3 months, one generally knows if they want to take something further. Do you sense he wanted to make this more official, or has he been keeping you at arm's length?

Perhaps he was looking for a way out of this quasi-relationship, OP, and is using this as his exit strategy. Or perhaps he really is put off by your behaviour and losing interest as a result.

 

At 3 months, one generally knows if they want to take something further. Do you sense he wanted to make this more official, or has he been keeping you at arm's length?

He recently introduced me to his friends who are getting married and told me I would be his date to the wedding 6 months away.. so I assumed we were getting closer

I don't know, but in the "olden days" when people were dating for three months they were automatically known as a couple, in a relationship. There was no need to "make it official", or have to be asked or told that you are now boyfriend/girlfriend. I would have assumed you were "an official couple".