Infidelity question

Hi everyone recently I had made a post about my gf having an emotional affair (flirty texts, pictures, future plans) after her being caught she begged and tried to change everything to make me not worry again. I decided to give her a second chance as I believe in them,however I’ve noticed something particular.

It’s almost like she is more worried that I’m going to cheat on her now. She questions everything and is very insecure about what I’m doing on my phone, where I’m going etc. If I bring up anything to do with her she gets mad and says I can’t use it against her forever... well I wasn’t the one who cheated so who should really be under the microscope here?

I was wondering what brings these emotions out after the cheater has been caught? So before they were caught it didn’t really matter what I was doing because she was wanting to escape the room to be in her other “relationship”

If you cannot let it go, then you should end the relationship. Why are you bringing it up? Are you trying to punish her?

You also need to address her insecurities about you, without bringing her emotional cheating into it. Communicate in a healthy manner.

Often people who cheat are emotionally insecure, they want and need a lot of attention. Emotionally insecure people are worried that they won't have another person around to take care of their needs. So they cheat and they are super scared of their partner cheating. Also if you cheat it becomes clear how easy it is to do and that adds more fear that their partner might be doing this same easy thing.

To me it doesn't sound like she is mature enough for a long term committed relationship.

She probably would be in this "other relationship" if she didn't get caught. Now she's just paranoid that your going to leave after you found out. Maybe you should. The trust is broken, and for here on in, there will just be countless arguments and no real enjoying the relationship anymore. I'd leave.

First of all her emotional cheating wasn't probably well addressed an it's obvious that you're not over it nor trust her again. Which is fine and normal, but means that this relationship is in danger.

As to your question many times cheaters will do this to deflect attention from them. They can start blaming and accusing the other people in order to take away the blame from them or even feel less guilty about what they're doing. If the other person cheats or does things that they think it's innapropriated they can feel better about themselves and that "what they did wasn't so bad" and they just "cheated on a cheater and had their motives so all is good".

Other times it's a defence mechanism from the cheater who knows that if they cheated and juggled the situation so well, then they're partner can do the same too. There are many cases where cheaters (or ex cheaters) are very jealous and paranoid with being cheated on.

Well, she's paranoid because she knows first-hand what people are capable of. She is worried you are going to behave badly just like she did. This is projection.

And she's right that you can't hold it against her forever if you choose to stay with her, but she also needs to grasp the gravity of her bad choices and understand that healing will be a long road. How did you find out about her cheating, and do you feel she is actually remorseful or just guilty that she got caught?

EDIT: I just went back and read your previous thread. OP, this girl is a hot mess and she apparently told you just a couple weeks ago she isn't sure she even wants to be with you anymore after this other guy "emotionally fulfilled" her. This is not the stuff long-lasting, successful reconciliations are made of. I would dump her and move on to someone who actually loves and respects you. This girl doesn't; she is all about herself.

My opinion is, it's a waste of time and effort to continue a relationship/marriage after a betrayal of that magnitude. No matter how you spin it, there will always be a dark cloud hanging over you, as well as waiting for the next shoe to drop.

Having said that, since trust is the glue that holds a relationship together, when it's gone...it's gone. Choose wisely...

Not everyone cheats for the same reason, but insecurity is definitely one reason that people do cheat. Your girlfriend's wandering eye kept her from worrying about what you were doing. Now that she doesn't have that distraction, she has to face her insecurity.

It can also be projection. It's common for cheaters to suspect their partner of cheating. But in this case, it seems more like insecurity to me. You can work through it with her, or you can walk away. It really depends on how you feel.

*I haven't read any of your previous threads....

Two ideas that I have for her being suspicious could be:

1. It's not that uncommon for people who have been cheated on to cheat back and get revenge. I have seen my ex try and do it after I cheated on him.

2. She could be insecure that you will leave and that's why she wants to know what you're doing in your phone. She is scared you will walk out the door and never come back. That's mostly how I felt after I cheated.

Hope that helps.

I'd exit the relationship. I guarantee she'll cheat on you again.