Gift Rescinded

My great-grandfather played the guitar and harmonica in a bluegrass band that actually traveled around the country at one point in time performing. He passed away when I was 8 years old, and at first his guitar went to one of my great-uncles (his oldest son). However, he wasn't using it and so he decided to go ahead and pass it down to my mother, who was the next in line to receive it. She does not play the guitar, and I had expressed a desire to learn how to play for a while, and so she decided to give it to me as a Christmas present 4 years ago. A couple years went by, and I did not actively pursue learning how to play, so my mom said that for the time being she would take the guitar and put it in a display case, but that I could have it back if and when I ever decided to actually learn to play. I've now decided I don't want to waste any more time, and I want to begin taking lessons asap, so I told her this and asked if I could please have the guitar back now. She said that it has too much value to her, and that one day I can have it but not until I've "mastered" the guitar. This seems really disingenuous to me, as she gave that guitar to me as a gift to be used as soon as I decided I wanted to play and now she's just decided that I can't have it anymore. If she didn't actually want me to have it, then she shouldn't have given it to me in the first place. I'm just really upset about it because I was very excited when it was first given to me, and I expected that I would be able to use it when I started my lessons. I just feel like she basically flat out lied to me. You aren't supposed give gifts and then take them back as it suits you.

Um... to bad? It's your mom and it's her choice. She doesn't have to give you anything. Start lessons with a cheaper less emotionally meaningful piece of equipment. My guess is she is paying for the lessons and whatever guitar you will end up learning on. Not to mention your house, your food and everything else you've ever had.

That's awfully presumptuous of you, and you are incorrect. I will be paying for my lessons, and I have my own apartment, pay for my own food, pay all my bills, bought my own furniture etc. This was a gift, and I simply wish she hadn't given it to me if she never intended to let me keep it.

I agree, it's mom's to do with as she pleases. I suspect you are fairly young, so what mom says goes, whether you like it or not. I was beat out of an old stand up radio my grandfather had. It was given to my brother, the oldest of all the cousins. He paid no attention to it and it sat in the basement for years. Mother said I could not have it as it was his. Fair enough. In the end it was given away to someone else. Yes I was mad, as it was well known I wanted it. But I got over it. You need to get over this too. Learn on a cheap guitar that has no emotional involvement to you or your mother. I play guitar and I know how hard it is to learn, so good luck to you and I hope you persevere and get good and then hopefully your mother will give you the guitar as promised. Life isnt fair sometimes.

That's awfully presumptuous of you, and you are incorrect. I will be paying for my lessons, and I have my own apartment, pay for my own food, pay all my bills, bought my own furniture etc. This was a gift, and I simply wish she hadn't given it to me if she never intended to let me keep it.

Oh I'm sorry, you are an adult. You come off so petulant I assumed you were a teenager.

Learn on something that isn't a family heirloom. You aren't owed a nice guitar to learn on. And it'll be yours in time anyway. Just chill out. Maybe she's holding on to it because you lacked follow through before and she wants to know you are actually going to use it instead of just having it sit around in your apartment instead of her display case.

I'm really not sure why people are just assuming that I'm still a child or something. I'm 25 years old, so "what mom says goes" hasn't been a thing for quite some time. If she had never given it to me in the first place I would agree with you, but as I said, you aren't supposed to give gifts and then just arbitrarily decide to take them back. I wouldn't get someone a birthday gift and then a couple years down the road say "Oh ya know what, I'm actually gonna need that back, sorry."

Alright, well I was simply looking for advice not for someone to be unnecessarily rude. I know that I am not "owed" anything. It's simply the principle that it was a gift, and I would never try to take back a gift that I gave, so I guess I just expected to be treated the same way.

Alright, well I was simply looking for advice not for someone to be unnecessarily rude. I know that I am not "owed" anything. It's simply the principle that it was a gift, and I would never try to take back a gift that I gave, so I guess I just expected to be treated the same way.

It's a family heirloom. They end up moving around differently then gifts.

If you are so upset about it why don't you tell this stuff to your mom? I bet she can explain her reasoning better then internet strangers. Sorry for coming off rude. It's a knee jerk reaction to entitlement.

It's not just some guitar or some gift, it's a family heirloom and so you aren't entitled to it and most certainly shouldn't be using it for beginner lessons. If you truly want to learn how to play and become good at it, then your desire and passion should have absolutely nothing to do with the family heirloom. Buy yourself a cheap guitar and bang away until you become good enough and have enough experience under your belt to start using better and have the discernment to appreciate better. Then your mother might be willing to give that to you as a true gift to the next generation and not as just satisfying a petulant child who might or might not play it or respect it.

It's hers. You should have learned four year's back, when she offered it to you.

I had expressed a desire to learn how to play for a while,...

 

A couple years went by, and I did not actively pursue learning how to play...

 

I've now decided I don't want to waste any more time, and I want to begin taking lessons asap, so I told her this and asked if I could please have the guitar back now. She said that it has too much value to her, and that one day I can have it but not until I've "mastered" the guitar. This seems really disingenuous to me, ...

You need to prove your sincerity this time. You showed that in the past you were disingenuous about learning. You can learn on any guitar. Your great-granfather's guitar has sentimental value and is a family heirloom, and she is responsible for looking after it. Maybe you will inherit it, maybe not, but you are not entitled to it. It was not a simple gift, as you know, it is an heirloom.

She does not play the guitar, and I had expressed a desire to learn how to play for a while, and so she decided to give it to me as a Christmas present 4 years ago.

I'll be the odd one out and say, "if she gave it to you as a Christmas gift, it's yours to do as you please with it."

Wow thank you. I had no idea I was going to get so much disdain over this, so thanks for seeing my side.

she decided to give it to me as a Christmas present 4 years ago.

 

A couple years went by, and I did not actively pursue learning how to play, so my mom said that for the time being she would take the guitar and put it in a display case, but that I could have it back if and when I ever decided to actually learn to play.

This was a gift that your mother gave you. She told you she'd hold onto it, keeping it nice and safe, until you decided to learn to play, which you now have.

Yes, it is in fact a gift that was rescinded.

I don't care if you're 25 or 15, this was a gift, and your mother has gone back on her word. Shame on her, for dangling it in front of you like that for all these years, when you are now holding your end of the bargain by taking lessons.

She has decided to add a qualifier to the gift, as in, you must now "master" it before you receive it. This "mastering" was never insinuated before now. Now, all of a sudden when you actually want the guitar, she's adding this extra hurdle.

What a load of B.S. your mother is pulling, I'm sorry.

It's like telling a 14 year-old kid, here's a great car you can have when you're 16 and you've got your license. Kid turns 16, gets his license, and mom says, "well, no, not until you've mastered driving".

Your mom has gone back on her word, and that's quite unfortunate.

I highly doubt your great-grandfather learned how to play on that guitar, so I can understand how your mother would rather appreciate it on display than have you haphazardly flopping on C notes as you're trying to learn.

Honestly, it's her grandfather's memory we're talking here. I mean, were you even alive to know him? My great grandparents were alive until I was a teenager, but even still, I couldn't presume to have the connection nearly on-par with my father's to them. If there was a way he'd prefer an heirloom be cherished, I wouldn't bat an eye.

You had the chance to learn... four years, in fact. Really, if you truly wanted it back for the sake of playing it, you wouldn't be throwing a fit. You'd just put $50 toward a decent starter guitar and show your mom that you're interested in actually playing. If it's going to be just for gazing at, she figures it may as well be out on display for everyone, and I can't really blame her there.

Was it a bit crappy of her to just kinda make the decision and go with it? Sure. At the very least, I feel that she should have sat you down with a, "Look, the reason I gave you that guitar was if you'd learn to play. If it's simply going to be a display piece, I'd rather it be presented." She didn't, which is a bit rough, but at the end of the day, I think you see her point either way. Even so, she did say you could have it once you've learned. I highly doubt she expects you to be the next Sinatra.

That's awfully presumptuous of you, and you are incorrect. I will be paying for my lessons, and I have my own apartment, pay for my own food, pay all my bills, bought my own furniture etc. This was a gift, and I simply wish she hadn't given it to me if she never intended to let me keep it.

I totally agree with you. She gave it to you as a gift. She BORROWED it back to display it and should have returned it to you when requested.

I was alive to know him, albeit not for nearly as long as I would've liked. And I would hardly call this throwing a fit. As I said, I'm only upset because she told me it was a gift to me, and then took it back. If she had said from the beginning that I could have it once I'd already learned to play, then I would totally understand. I just wish she never would've given it to me in the first place if she was going to handle it this way.

OP,

Its your guitar. She is keeping it safe.

Do you really want to learn to play?

Of course I do. And since she's giving me no choice, I'll get my own guitar and learn anyway. I'm simply disappointed that I thought I already had one, and now I'm being told that I don't.

Oh I'm sorry, you are an adult. You come off so petulant I assumed you were a teenager.

 

Learn on something that isn't a family heirloom. You aren't owed a nice guitar to learn on. And it'll be yours in time anyway. Just chill out. Maybe she's holding on to it because you lacked follow through before and she wants to know you are actually going to use it instead of just having it sit around in your apartment instead of her display case.

What???? She gave it to him therefore it is owed to him. So what if he just have it sitting in his apartment. It's sitting in that display case doing nothing. She was wrong not to return it to him when asked for the guitar. If she was so attached to it she should never have passed it along.

Of course I do. And since she's giving me no choice, I'll get my own guitar and learn anyway. I'm simply disappointed that I thought I already had one, and now I'm being told that I don't.

Well, yes, that's disappointing and creates a bit of expense for a starter guitar. Your tone suggests more emotional energy than the practical matter of not having a guitar.

In your original post, you said you felt that your mom lied to you. I suppose Doc Watson's guitar or somesuch is something people might fight over. Would it be normal in your experience for your mother to lie to you?

What???? She gave it to him therefore it is owed to him. So what if he just have it sitting in his apartment. It's sitting in that display case doing nothing. She was wrong not to return it to him when asked for the guitar. If she was so attached to it she should never have passed it along.

Do we know the gender? Just sayin

Kinda petty....Just sayin.. The gender doesn't add to or take away from the point of the discussion.

For the record, I am in fact a female. Not that it matters all that much in context of the discussion.

My mom and I have had a tense relationship in the past, so I wouldn't say she's a chronic liar or anything, but am I just completely shocked as if this totally out of character? No not necessarily.