Ex boyfriend most likely rebounding says he wants to be with me but is still having a thing with her

I was in a long distance relationship w my ex boyfriend for 4 years. We basically grew together since we were very young when we first met. We would make many sacrifices to see each other since we had to travel overseas, we also had many problems like any relationship and well the distance of course. I had an impact on him for helping with drug/alchohol/compulsive lying/ problems along with bad influences for which he and his family still thank me for. We broke up at the end of November right before he was supposed to come for the holidays the very next day I found out he started talking to someone else and within days they were sleeping together and making plans to travel overseas together. Days after the breakup I insisted to get back together but he refused since I was the dumper. I admit our relationship became toxic but we both really loved each other and we’re crazy about one another. I stopped contacting him and within a week he sent me an email saying that till this day he missed and thought about me but he had now moved on and had slept and kissed someone else. I didn’t respond and two days later he sent me a text making up an excuse to talk to me I answered very short worded and again he replied saying he missed me and wasn’t happy with his decisions. He said he really regretted it but that he understood he had to live by his decimos now. Within days he contacted me again saying he wasn’t happy and he was trying to lie to himself etc etc. He has contacted me several times saying he wants to be with me and if I were to ever want to get back at any point he would drop everything.

I’ve told him that if he truly wanted to be with me he wouldn’t be with someone else or trying to be his explanation is that she is a distraction and what he needs to get over me. He also says she is a good person but she is not me but that he is aware he won’t ever be as happy w someone as he was with me.

I don’t understand why he says all these things but still has not a relationship but a fling with her.

Well, it still sounds like he has an addictive personality. He's probably still drinking and lying, just not as much as in the past. I don't know how crazy he is about you since he slept with another girl, but he may be trying to get back with you because the other girl dumped him. I would just say that in any case, you're just wasting your time in a "long distance relationship." Find a guy you can be with, that you can kiss and hold and see. Texting is not dating. It's not a real relationship. Go out and find a real guy!

Danzee, thank you for the advice. We would see each other about 3-4 times a year but I agree still not enough. I’d like that and I’m aware I’m still very young (21) but I’m having a hard time since he was my first love and it was a long time.

Danzee, thank you for the advice. We would see each other about 3-4 times a year but I agree still not enough. I’d like that and I’m aware I’m still very young (21) but I’m having a hard time since he was my first love and it was a long time.

My god, you've only seen this guy for about two weeks total??? Sweetie, the other poster is right. You need to find yourself a real relationship. That is way too little time together to even call this anything.

Yatsue, like I said we would see each other 3-4 times a year and those periods would be 1-2 months together or so. I understand that two weeks would be too little but this is not the case we spent more time together. However, I’m aware it is still not the same as a normal relationship.

Yatsue, like I said we would see each other 3-4 times a year and those periods would be 1-2 months together or so. I understand that two weeks would be too little but this is not the case we spent more time together. However, I’m aware it is still not the same as a normal relationship.

Ok better, but still have only seen each other half as long as you've been together in total, considering all of this time is dedicated to being physically together on the whole (not very healthy though, space wise). Don't you two have jobs? How are you able to get so much time off?? This doesn't seem sustainable.

Not up to par with regular relationships for sure and seeing each other is more of an event/vacation than sharing your lives together. It's like you have to make room for the relationship. How about a closer proximity next time? One that's manageable to see each other more often.