Girlfriend doesn't initiate

Hi me(17) and my gf(18) been together for about 3 months now. We met online and are planning to meet soon in 2018. We didn't meet on dating sites, both of us trying to learn new languages, and we just started talking. Anyways we shared quite a lot more view on how our life wanted to be, how we looked at things and stuff. We moved things a little too fast tbh at the beginning of the relationship but it seems okay now. I've been a little annoyed at our communication sometimes and we even talked about it a few times. I guess she is quite a passive person ? I'm not too sure...but I'm starting to feel like I'm in a relationship with myself at times. She doesn't really do much...like she doesn't do something unless I do it first and then she will follow but doesn't do it the next time until I do it again. Okay long story short, she doesn't really initiate anything which at times makes me feel like I'm doing everything and I always have to come up with ideas on what to do or what to talk and stuff. Sometimes when she did initiate a little bit when we are discussing something, I would encourage her to do so. She would sometimes ask me how i am doing or what am I doing...that's after we had one or two talks. Other than that...she mostly just respond to the text I sent. I feel that I need to be the one talking a lot of times otherwise it just doesn't carry on. I feel the need to connect with her on another level, but that never really happened yet. I know she loves me and care for me...and I want this relationship to work too because I feel that she is someone quite special to me. Is this something I just have to deal with it or is this normal for online relationships ?? Thank you

It sounds like you're talking to a chatbot. Where are you talking to her? A lot of the dating sites are employing chatbots now. You said you didn't meet on a dating site. So where are you talking to her? It also could be a guy mascaraing as a girl. He might be getting off on it and seeing what you'll say next.

Even if she's neither of these, I would say to find someone in the real world, someone close to where you live, so you can have a real relationship. You can find out more about a girl on one date than you can texting someone online for months. And you can hold heir hand and give them a kiss. 60% of communication is non-verbal and you're not receiving a lot of information just by texting or calling her. Almost all of the time online relationships don't last, so save yourself a year or more of wasting your time. Ask out someone at school. Go to the movies. Eat out somewhere or sit on a bench and watch the stars. You're missing out on all of these things.

It sounds like you're talking to a chatbot. Where are you talking to her? A lot of the dating sites are employing chatbots now. You said you didn't meet on a dating site. So where are you talking to her? It also could be a guy mascaraing as a girl. He might be getting off on it and seeing what you'll say next.

 

Even if she's neither of these, I would say to find someone in the real world, someone close to where you live, so you can have a real relationship. You can find out more about a girl on one date than you can texting someone online for months. And you can hold heir hand and give them a kiss. 60% of communication is non-verbal and you're not receiving a lot of information just by texting or calling her. Almost all of the time online relationships don't last, so save yourself a year or more of wasting your time. Ask out someone at school. Go to the movies. Eat out somewhere or sit on a bench and watch the stars. You're missing out on all of these things.

I agree whole heartedly. Actually something similar happened to me and I want to share my experience. I met a guy online and fell for him before meeting him in person (we did vid chat). His communication from the beginning was lacking, but I thought that was ok and we could work it out. Stupid me decided to pursue way too hard and I ended up travelling to see him twice. Those days together were good, but as soon as I came back the 2nd time, its as though I was single. He would take forever to reply, he rarely initiated vid chatting and he didn't seem enthusiastic about coming to see me. After he visited, something was off, he started talking about not being able to visit me anymore, that maybe I may want someone different etc. I fought for him for a month and he ended up dumping me (blessing in disguise). If this is just the beginning of you dating, run far cause it'll just get worse. I know being single sucks, but much better to find someone local and more committed. I am so much happier w/a local guy, he treats me amazing and loves being w/me, I don't have to force it. The girl (real or not) is just not worth it, believe me, you will always be fighting disappointment.

Jay you are too young to be wasting your life with this situation , I have spoken to you before on another thread and many others have told you to the same advice ...to let this go . She is depressed, she self harms , she brings you down so much you are being affected seriously by her depression and her problems , she is all about her , just dumps her problems on you and never asks about your life ......enough is enough . Even worse , she isn't even in the same country ! Where can this ever go my darling , next you will be 18 , 19 , still sat at home in what you call a relationship , your life passing by while you dedicate it all to someone you can never ever really fall in love with because you are miles apart .

You are a lovely person , you are always so kind and polite on here and I wish for you , that you just let this go and get yourself a girlfriend in your own city and get out there enjoying life instead of been trapped to a computer screen .

We video called before and stuff. I think it's safe to say shes not a chatbot. We started chatting on this app "Hellotalk" then we moved to Whatsapp.

I agree with what you said...actually we had a talk about this and agreed on it too...Thank you for your advice Danzee

thorough...would it be okay to tell me more about what happened ?

Pippy...thank you for your advice and kind words...but its really hard for me to let go... Shes actually getting better now. She stopped harming herself, she's taking antidepressants and she seems to care more about me now. Its just really hard to let her go...

I would forget about her. It may be a catfish or some other nonsense. Find local girls, get on a dating app.

Hi me(17) and my gf(18) been together for about 3 months now. We met online and are planning to meet soon in 2018. We didn't meet on dating sites.

Pippy...thank you for your advice and kind words...but its really hard for me to let go... Shes actually getting better now. She stopped harming herself, she's taking antidepressants and she seems to care more about me now. Its just really hard to let her go...

It is important for you to consider why it so ""hard to let go". Think about this in terms of you, not in terms of her. Think "... because I ..." You are gaining something, meeting some need. Think about that.

Happy New Year Jack ! 🙃😉

Happy New Year Jill!!!