I don't understand the way she thinks.

Hi,

My girlfriend and I live in two different countries (They are far from each other). I met her on Facebook, and things slowly became love. Two years after we both traveled and met. And a year after that we met again, and decided that she would move into my country, so we can see where it leads. That was a year ago. She had a fall off with her parents a few months after she came back from our trip. Her father is the controlling type, and her mother is not really a mother, so she left the house, she rented an apartment on a low income salary. Things have not been easy for her. I helped when ever I could. Her sisters barely helped her, her parents didn't even ask for her well being. She had a childhood of insecurity and lack of love from her parents from what she told me.

Problem #1:

Last time I saw her was December 2016. We planned on meeting in march 2017, she kept postponing, and I have yet to see her. In July I proposed I would travel to see her in her own country, and I was met with heavy resistance on her part, I would even describe it as aggressive. She said she didn't feel comfortable with her self in her current situation (lack of money), she has a lot of her mind, and that she wants to travel to another country with me, so she can get fresh air, and relax.

Problem #2:

We talk every day, on every possible opportunity over whatsapp for the past 3 years. But when it comes to video calls, she always finds excuses.

Even before we met, she was doing an internship in the far east, or when she was completing her studies in Europe, she would always avoid a video call.

Problem #3:

A few months ago she decided to buy a house, just in case things don't work out between us she would have a place to fall back onto.

She reestablished the relationship with her parents, and her father has helped her with half of the money for the apartment, and the other is from a loan from the bank.

In her current job, one of the female employees is in bed with the employer, and this employee is making my girlfriend's life a living hell. But my girlfriend cant quit, because she needs her employer to sign a paper that would allow her to take the loan from the bank.

At first she wanted to buy the house before moving to my country, then she didn't want to buy the house, then she went back to the original idea. And now suddenly she started speaking of Canada, and asking me if I would move with her to Canada.

She is unable to make her mind up.

Problem #4:

When everything is fine, she says I love you, she talks to me about making babies with me, and creating a house with me, everything is beautiful.

But when I comment even slightly on the decisions she is making, or on how she is dealing with her problems, things escalated very quickly, she calls me egoist, selfish, no empathy, and that she doesn't trust me.

For example: When I told her she could fix half of her problems by asking her father to be her guaranty at the bank instead of asking her employer to sign the paper, she said I was selfish, and I only want her to get apartment fast so she can come to my country sooner, and that I dont care how it will make her feel (hurt her pride). From my point of view doing that would allow her to quit her job, find another one, where her life would easier, and not daily torture, which means less stress.

Problem #5:

I have no experience in serious relationships, I have no clue how a relationship works, I have no experience in it.

My questions:

Why doesn't she want me to visit her in her country ? Does that answer make sense ?

What is with those video calls ? And she is tall, sexy body, a beautiful face, and a smile that can melt mountains. I don't understand.

Why can't she make up her mind ? Is it trust issues in general ? Or trust issues with me ? Or she is uncertain about her love for me ?

Am I just suppose to listen to her talk about her problems ? Just be supportive, and not give my opinion ?

I am lost, I have no clue what to do.

I think she doesnt know what she wants, so she's got a bunch of ideas rolling around in her head as she tries to find herself. She would drive me nuts, honestly, and I'd be looking for a new partner.

I think the answer to all your questions is: she has a real relationship in her country. She's with someone and doesn't want them to know about you.

Seeing someone once a year (or less) is not a serious relationship. Why don't you find someone close who actually wants to be with you?

Hi,

 

 

I have no experience in serious relationships, I have no clue how a relationship works, I have no experience in it.

.

Given your lack of experience. . all you have to go on is her actions. What is your gut telling you . . .based on her actions?

Are these the actions of someone who wants the same things you do . . or not?

I forgot to mention we got married in cyprus last year.

What she said is that after she gets her apartment in February, I am welcomed to visit her when ever I please.

Can she be ashamed about where she is living right now ?