Confusion

I dont want my relationship

I have stopped wanting it for a long time already but no matter how much I try to be rid of it I always wanted my friendship regardless

however it has been along time for me to continue feeling like this and at this point I personally dont care about the friendship

I am on the side regarding reality and responsibility

Me and my boyfriend have many bills we need to cover that reach over 3,000 usd and more to be exact.

It would probably be less if it was individually however each of us have debts to cover.

He has a job and ever since he started working when he was 20 (is 21 now halfway to 22) He has the money spending love. Like he always wants to spend money on stuff and more stuff to keep himself entertained.

He has troubles saving and its my fault why he has issues saving.

I want a job to have money to spend but also save in the ideal case of one day im hungry, I have the money to order what I want and no one can tell me otherwise cause its my money. I want to work but having a relationship and working is no longer working out for me.

I have ran away from my boyfriend many times, like literally left and hid away from hours to days and he literally went through food rejections and feelings of depression. I do care about him during those times but if the only way he would feel better is if I would be with him again, then no thanks. But i still feel sad cause I feel bad that hes feeling that way. Not totally responsible cause in the end I want out of dealing with him. Anyways.

I am currently looking for a job but he is making it a little difficult for me due to trust issues. I called a company i used to work for and the manager was quick to give me an interview date. I found that odd and he found that suspicious. I didnt pay mind only to the fact that it was actually an interview at a certain location, A chance. I wake up early and am ready in 30 minutes. He stops me to argue with me how he doesnt trust me. So i called the place where im taking the interview and put the woman on speaker clarifying my interview and he still didnt buy it. One time I left him because he prevented me from working even though at that time i was the only one providing and we needed the money to pay the bills, He got mad with how focused I was with them. The bills were still high at that point . Because of that issue I ended up missing out on work and ended up getting fired. I do not believe in self production (like if i were to make a game and sell it) I believe in labor in working. I work for this amount of time and get this much money. I want to report my taxes and get my money back and etc. However he insists to do so since i do nothing else but be at home with his family ( we still live with them ,big family too)

Knowing we have financial problems he wants me to carry his child, On the loving side of my heart I would be happy to but on the other side,realistically speaking, There is no money to support a child. The fact that we owe money to multiple places cause me stress every time i think about it, imagine that if im pregnant? I dont want children until our problems are solved or at least extremely manageable. He cant do that by himself.

I can get that getting stuff for yourself is important but we have been having debt issues for over a year

I want to run away and stay low for a while so that he wouldnt look for me

Im even considering to just hide and let him get on with himself till he doesnt decide to pursue me , then try again getting a job.

But if i do that The bills will be on my mind and Im 99% sure I cant avoid him regarding those.

Some of them go under my name and without them He wont have a pick up.

Like no phone data which is important

Good internet (we have our own since sharing the house wifi is slow)

......thats about it , maybe food if he decides to buy some

He plans to get his bank out of negative since its the least he needs to pay off ( -$200)

But that was the very first debt he owed and it was made back in 2015.

I dont want him to fall and fail but I dont want to be there for him any longer

I want to focus on a job to get rid of these issues and no longer on my relationship

But why does that feel wrong

I know he has an issue against it

is it possible that he is right

I dont know anymore our relationship is really difficult to comprehend

He doesn’t trust you enough to apply for a job? and prevents you from having a job? Did I read that right? Because that’s abusive.

Well i can assure you that you did. But he is the only one in the world seeing how his actions arent, Trust me that this isnt the worst of it.

Well i can assure you that you did. But he is the only one in the world seeing how his actions arent, Trust me that this isnt the worst of it.

Leave! Sort out any debt later. Do you have friends or family you can stay with? Don’t stay with that controlling jerk.

Leave! Sort out any debt later. Do you have friends or family you can stay with? Don’t stay with that controlling jerk.

I can figure something out, My bigger concern is being found by him or causing trouble for others. He has threatened my friends though but not to them like he told me he would hurt them so im just thinking my plan out. I just dont want to feel immature or something because I find these debts important and leaving it on him for a bit longer wrong since its both of us and not just him.

Im glad that you are basically saying what my mind wants :)

Honey, if he doesn't trust you enough to have a job and have any sort of self-reliance, then that relationship is probably not for the best. Aside from being able to assist with the debt, he should want you to do better for yourself and pursue goals. If he's restriciting that, the relationship will stall your own personal growth.

My recommendation would be to leave and set the issue with the debt after. If he is resorts to violence and threats that should be even more motivation to leave as soon as you can.

The following question would be: What do about him? Im 200% sure he wouldnt just sit quietly if i left him. I dont want to hide forever as well...

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