Where will my road lead.

So here I am. Back at square one. Feel like im going through the break up all over again.

I got an answer from my ex in regards to reconciliation and it was a no. She wants to be friends and I initially said no. This made her cry and I felt so bad about it that I said we could at least try.

I cried most of the day yesterday because i know it is actually over. At least i can move on now.

Im meeting her on Friday to hang out as friends but I expect we are going to part as nothing as I just cannot do it to myself.

I will always have the intention of using a friendship to try and rebuild a romantic relationship and i feel that is wrong. The friendship would be false, a sham and thats not what good relations are built on.

Me and my ex also parted on very good terms. I can see myself being very good friends with her down the road but not right now. I would hate to try a friendship at this point in time, it fail and then end up hating someone who I once loved dearly.

This is going to be tough and I do not know where im going in life right now but I think I can make it through

You are right to think this way. You can't just move a relationship into a friendship. There needs to be a period of healing away from each other, of moving on and getting used to who you are again.

If a friendship is to happen, it will not be because you clung on to each other, it's because you left each other alone for as long as it took to let each other go. Sometimes years even.

I think the pain that both of you felt was from the understanding that it is finally over and that you have to go through this to move on without the support of the other.

Hey Piaressssss,

Really sorry you are feeling like this.

You are right, it will be tough, but you WILL get through this. In the words of Churchill.. "if you are going through Hell, keep going"..)

I urge you to use her "answer" to motivate you and definitely NOT (!) meet up with her until you feel completely indifferently about her. This will take as long as it takes.

I have faith in you buddy, Use this forum as part of your healing and take this as Day 1.

All the best x

Thanks for the advice guys.

In regards to meeting her when im ready. I agree but plan on seeing her one last time on Friday so we can part on good terms.

I will be seeing her at the end of march as i am still going on holiday as i cannot really afford to lose the money.

Life does indeed kick you when you are down.

Don’t see her Friday.

She doesnt want to be with you so put your interests first.

Friendship with her? So you want to be her sounding board and confidant while another guy gets all the other benefits? Please dude, respect yourself right now. Its time for you to go NC and start the next chapter of your life. (The next chapter doesnt involve her at all)

Mate don't be friends .... just don't , fk how she feels and trying to keep this stiff upper lip so that you maintain a friendship because if you don't it makes her cry ...this is about your journey now , not keeping her sweet .

Mate don't be friends .... just don't , fk how she feels and trying to keep this stiff upper lip so that you maintain a friendship because if you don't it makes her cry ...this is about your journey now , not keeping her sweet .

Are you saying now or forever?

Are you saying now or forever?

now ....by the time you get to forever you probably wont care either way , it is just getting there . Hope you ok it really is sh1t isn't it .

Pippy is spot on. This is all about YOU now.

I'm sorry, Piaresssss :(

Have to agree with Pippy on this. Do not be friends right now. Do not meet up on Friday.

In the future, once you move on, it's possible. You may not care by then.

I do understand and empathize with how difficult it is to let go of someone you love,

but just because you love them, doesn't mean you are right for one another.

This includes being friends when what you really want is to be together again.

You could do it in hopes of rekindling something, it's been known to happen, but she made it clear.

So right now she selfishly wants to hang on. If she loves you, she will accept and respect your choice,

just as you have to accept and respect her desire to not be in a relationship again.

Try hard not to be reaching out to her. Once the reality sets in, you might find yourself set back again.

Thanks for all the advice. Im going to think about what to do over the next few days. Really reflect on what is best for me. Its hard not to consider her feelings but I do have to put me first.

Anytime buddy...

Please use this forum for your thoughts and to get advice of others.

Head up

Sorry I'm late....and I had a feeling this was going to happen...

To the most pressing point, meeting her on Friday....

Remember about 2 weeks ago I wanted to go to that art exhibition and everyone here, including you, advised me not to go...?

I'm so glad I didn't go....

I think at this early stage you're not going to feel any better or worse if you see her on Friday...The fire is there and you're going to go through it whether you meet her or you don't...

Just know though that it won't change anything, she's not going to change her mind at this point, it's going to sting like hell and prolong your healing...*

If you wanna go John Wayne on it, just let her know you won't be able to make it, tip your hat, mount your horse and ride into the sunset....A much more attractive way to exit wouldn't you agree....?

And then you will begin the hard journey of letting go and moving on...

You've read all our threads so you know how hard and painful it's going to be, but maybe you'll be ok and heal before I do.....

Whatever you decide though, we'll be here brother*

"If you wanna go John Wayne on it, just let her know you won't be able to make it, tip your hat, mount your horse and ride into the sunset....A much more attractive way to exit wouldn't you agree....?"

Love it.. and true :)

I agree that would be a good way to end it but after three years i feel i owe it to myself to not leave anything ambigous or what ifs.

If i do end up seeing her im going to say we cannot be friends yet but maybe down the road we can.

Im probally going to decide tomorrow after i go gym. Thats when my head is most clear.

And regards to me saying dont see your ex Carus. Hypocrisy thy name is me. I often give out advice that i myself should follow but dont.

I will say all of you on here have been such a huge part of my healing. Im only 24 so still have so much of my life ahead of me and alot more to experience.

What is this holiday at the end of March? Are you going on holiday together?

What is this holiday at the end of March? Are you going on holiday together?

Yh i am, im going to japan with two friends and her. I have said that i will probally not spend anytime with them when on holiday though.

I have to tell you when we say there's no chance of rekindling, we mean it.

Hmm... By 'we' I'm gonna assume you mean 'you'....

I'm pretty sure I've seen cases of women breaking up and then returning later.....

And see? There's that damn hope seeping up in me again ;-)

Carus*

Aww, I didn't realize you are only 24! If I had you realllly young you could be my son, so I'm going

into my mom mode and advising you please don't go on Friday.

You're not even meeting up with her alone, do you really want to reopen your wounds in a

not-so private setting? There are distractions. If you really feel the need to tell her about being friends

later on down the road, that's best done quietly between you and her.

My heart hurts for you :( as a female who always did the breaking up(except the most recent ex) ,

I have to tell you when we say there's no chance of rekindling, we mean it. Friendship is only

possible when the attraction is gone. I have to agree with Carus. You're much like me though, you'll

pick at that open wound until there's nothing left to pick! I hurt myself reopening the door when my ex

contacted me after almost three months of the silent treatment, just to disappear again.

Had I not picked that scab off, I wouldn't be hating him again, lol. FWB is a no no for me.

But at the same time, I've accepted it. You either love the friend zone, or you don't.

I don't feel you'll ever love being there either, but you need to do what's right for you. And only you

know what that is. We support you no matter what.

If it happens it will be alone. We are going to my house. The rekindled thing you said has peaked my intrest. She didnt actually say being totally done. We both said the door will always be open, I didnt put it in as im trying not to dwell on that and seeing it as totally dead. Even typing that out i feel im doimg something wrong. But might as well be honest.

And listen mate, if you ever want a chance with her again, ambiguous and 'what ifs' would actually be the best way to leave it.

And the sooner you disappear, the sooner she stops associating negative feelings with you and the breakup... That will only wash away with time and you gone...

Why give her another dose of that on Friday!?

As for Japan. Forget it mate. It ain't gonna happen. OR, go by yourself....

Closure comes from within and time...lotttts of time.

Not from that 'one last talk'....

Carus*

If it happens it will be alone. We are going to my house. The rekindled thing you said has peaked my intrest. She didnt actually say being totally done. We both said the door will always be open, I didnt put it in as im trying not to dwell on that and seeing it as totally dead. Even typing that out i feel im doimg something wrong. But might as well be honest.

Okay. You know what you're doing? Holding onto hope.

It's okay, you haven't accepted this, and now you've been in contact, how could you let go?

I've found that when you truly give up hope, they return. And it's easier to deal with at that point.

I know you love her,it surely makes this harder. And the upcoming trip, you're kind of stuck between

a rock and a hard place with this. Are you going with another couple that are in a relationship?

So I, as well as many women I know, have been guilty of saying we will leave the door open to

soften the blow , or in hopes of keeping the guy in our life until we can let go. It's so evil, but you know

most of females are emotional creatures who love the comfort and safety of people who are familiar

to us. I can guarantee you she most likely misses many aspects of what you had, and there's comfort

in that. I'm just worried for you that you might get into that comfort zone again, only to find she moves

on with another guy, and you'll be devastated again. Or, maybe in time you will be together again.

The thing is, just like Carus said, the negative memories need to fade out. If you truly want to keep in

contact, you always need to be happy, light, carefree, and not get emotional . Even talking about the

breakup isn't good. It's best to let her think you've accepted it, and tell her no discussing anything unless

she is serious about rekindling the romance. She will have great respect for you. Women in general do not

want men we can trample on. We want them to show confidence , and you have it! You can turn this in your

favor, by being strong and not caving to her emotions.

Hmm... By 'we' I'm gonna assume you mean 'you'....

 

I'm pretty sure I've seen cases of women breaking up and then returning later.....

 

And see? There's that damn hope seeping up in me again ;-)

 

Carus*

I agree with Carus just because i think everyone is different and for some once an ex is an ex is true but others its not. It dangerous to pigeon hole people.

You have both given me a lot to think about.

Gonna have a bubble bath (my guilty pleasure) and mull over what to do.

With regard to my holiday. I have to go. Ill never have the chance again and i have been saving for 2 years. I cannot throw that away.

So after my bath

I have decided against my better judgment and all of yours that im going ahead with the meeting.

I have thought about it long and hard. I have to do this for me.

I have not even managed a full month of nc so after friday im hitting it till my holiday so 3 months then when i get back going back in to NC again.

I do appreciate all the advice i have been given. Trust me when i say if this was someone else i would say do not meet but maybe im a sucker for pain.

I have alot to say on the matter but its hard to put in words so ill just say after i meet ill be straight on here to let you all know how it went.

Oh and forgot to mention that the reason we cannot get back together is because when she thinks of good times she cannot help think of the bad.

I never understand why people insist they "have" to hurt themselves...