Boyfriend's female friend: Should I be worried?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years and are long distance.

 

There's nothing wrong in the relationship itself, in fact it's perfect, he's very loving towards me and vice versa. But there is something I am worried about and that is my boyfriend's female friend.

 

He has several female friends that he often sees (with guy friends) but this particular girl he's seen A LOT, with it being just the two of them hanging out. For some more context about this girl; they previously had a thing before I came along. From what my boyfriend's told me about when they hang out (like her leaning on him a lot), my gut is telling me that this girl still likes him in a non-platonic way.

 

It's not that I don't trust my boyfriend because I do, he gets hit on a lot and has always rejected the girls, telling them he has a girlfriend. I just don't trust her. Especially since my boyfriend doesn't seem to notice the signs I've seen that she likes him.

 

I've talked to him about this before, and he's understood, sometimes agreeing with me and other times saying he doesn't think she sees him that way.

 

Recently they had a bit of a falling out, and agreed to put distance between each other. He hasn't messaged her at all but has gone out today to see her. I just kind of worry that she's manipulating him via guilt trip and that since there was romantic feelings before, he'll fall for her again. Again I trust him, he's the one I trust the most, I'm just scared at the concept of losing him due to another girl.

 

Sorry for the novel, any advice would help.

Ouch! This kind of scenario really, really sucks.

 

It's a very difficult one, because LDR's are really dependent on commitment and both parties being prepared to make them work. Anything which has a potential to undermine trust is going to have a greater effect than if you lived closer to each other. After two years it would be reasonable to be looking at what the medium- to long-term future holds.

 

From what you've said, I think you're probably right when you sense she still likes him. In a way that's irrelevant; as you say, he gets hit on a lot and rejects the girls - drawing very clear boundaries with them.

 

For his own reasons, he's refusing to do that with this girl. Perhaps she's trying to manipulate him, perhaps he's going to see her of his own accord. Maybe she's reached out to him, or maybe it's the other way round. Either way, there's an emotional connection between them which is undermining your sense of security in the relationship, even if you trust him not to be doing anything physically.

 

I think you need to be honest with yourself. Sure, you want to trust your boyfriend - but your statement that

I'm just scared at the concept of losing him due to another girl.

suggests that your trust is shakier than would be ideal in a relationship. You are the only person who really knows all the ins and outs of the situation, and your own hopes for the relationship, but it seems that you have choices:

 

a) Ignore your intuitions, tell yourself that everything's OK and carry on as if it was.

b) Carry on in a relationship where you feel insecure and threatened at intervals, and accept that this is the way it's going to be.

c) Decide you can't cope with the heartache, and end the relationship telling him that your needs aren't being met, and while you respect his right to see whoever he pleases - the situation is causing you more pain than you're prepared to tolerate in a relationship and that it's time to part company.

 

One thing you can be confident of is that HE will not be changing his behaviour, and hanging on in the hope that he will can only cause you further anxiety.

 

Sorry you're going through this.

Ok -- she is not the problem. Whenever there is a third person in a romantic scenario, the "third" person is blamed, when it's not their fault. She cannot manipulate him unless he is allowing himself to be manipulated. She is not twisting his arm to come see her. Does that make sense?

 

Why did they have a falling out? Why are they distancing themselves? Why is he going out to see her? Either you accept their friendship the way it is and ignore your insecurities, or you tell him to end his friendship with her. But it's not her fault. It's HIM.

When you say LDR, have you ever met your boyfriend in person? You're not really dating if you're on the Internet. And yeah, I would be worried about any girl who's flesh and blood versus one that's just on the Internet.