Parents don’t approve of relationship

I’m 21, had moved out when I was 18 but after extreme financial difficulties my parents let me move back home so I could pay off bills and eventually go back to college. I’ve also been in an off and on relationship for about 2 years and we had a bad breakup about 6 months ago when he moved 2 hours away and completely broke my heart. We got back together, but have been off and on the whole time we were together, and this is an extreme case like fighting every week and breaking up and getting back together every fight. Since he moved things had gotten a lot better and we got a lot more serious, though we still had an off and on cycle it was much better than it had been before. We just broke up again a week ago, remained in contact until yesterday because of stupid arguments. I want to be with him and believe in our future together (I believe he’s my soulmate and we had talked marriage, I wanted a promise ring and everything) though I don’t know if we’re getting back together or not. My problem is that if we do, I know my mom doesn’t approve of him. She sees that it’s unhealthy and sees how distracted and hurt I am when we struggle and thinks I shouldn’t take him back if he asks. She has a good point and is right about it being unhealthy, but if I have the chance I really want to work it out with him as the problems we have are fixable and I’ve done a lot of forgiving when it comes to our difficult past. If he comes around and reaches out again, how do I handle the conversation with my mom about it? I want her to be supportive and understanding and definitely don’t want to risk being kicked out again. I don’t think she will since we had previously agreed to how often I was able to go see him when we were together, etc so I won’t be asking for anything different than I did before, I’m just afraid she’ll tell me that it’s either leave him or get kicked out. I believe he’s who I’m supposed to end up with and can’t afford not to live with my parents right now so how should I handle the situation?

If you guys were soul mates, then you wouldn't be breaking up on and off over petty arguments. This is not a healthy relationship. You both need need to learn to handle your arguments/disagreements or this relationship will not work.

Your mom is right with this one. If you were a mom, would you approve of some guy constantly breaking your daughter's heart while she's trying to get back on her feet (moving back in, going to college)? Because you live at home, your mom witnesses the dynamic of your relationship.

I’m just afraid she’ll tell me that it’s either leave him or get kicked out. I believe he’s who I’m supposed to end up with and can’t afford not to live with my parents right now so how should I handle the situation?

Personally, I would get rid of the boyfriend. With the constant dumping and getting back together, this relationship is not working out for your current situation.

You are going back to get an education and obtain a better job to support yourself. You already proven that you can't make it in the real world and are trying to get back on your feet. This boyfriend has also proven instability to your emotional needs, so you really can't rely on him to support you either.

You need stability, and a college education will provide that. What will you do if you marry this guy, the marriage doesn't work out, and you are now looking at a divorce (which is more expensive than a wedding)? How are you going to afford a lawyer, court fees, AND be able to pay your way of living because you will no longer have two salaries to live off? I know some women who are trapped in relationships due to financial reasons and are living in loveless marriages. Is that how you want to live your life?

An education to a better paying career cannot be taken from you over a relationship. You need to have a solid backup plan in case any accidents happen in your adult life (spouse loses a job, spouse gets into severe accident and can no longer work, spouse dies and you have to provide for yourself, etc). And besides, if you go to college, you will meet more people and probably a better boyfriend than the one you got.

Unfortunately it is very unhealthy. Not that parents should butt into your life but your mother seems to care about you wasting your time in an unstable, unhealthy, go-nowhere situation. The focus now should be becoming independent again and your job and school. Not long distance guys who are not invested in you whatsoever.

I’ve also been in an off and on relationship for about 2 years

My problem is that if we do, I know my mom doesn’t approve of him. She sees that it’s unhealthy

I have to agree with everybody else you cannot let your on and off romantic relationship risk you in bad books with your mother. You admit you need a place to stay and cannot afford to be independent right now so you need to understand that you live under her rules whether you are 21 or not.

Anybody can tell you that the cycle of being on and off is toxic and you should probably find a new bf. However if you're not going to break things off with him why do you let your mom in on your relationship woes if you know/expect you two will get back?

Leave mom out of it, she has spoken and doesn't approve.