LDR with mixed feelings

Dear eNotAloners,

I've been seeing this girl for several weeks while her internship the city I live. We go into each other quickly and kept chatting with each other ever since she left the town.

My intention was never to date her, mainly because I was not interested in LDR.

But since we kept talking to each every single day since she left, it seemed like there is something more between us.

One day I asked her about where we stand, her respond was that she likes me, but not interested in marriage. I was like , why did she even mention marriage? I wanted to go with a flow and see how it evolves with no marriage goals attached.

Other day I asked her if she's ready to meet up again. Her answer was positive, but she wanted to have some time to think about it and get used to that idea. Which was totally fine for me. I didn't want to push her into doing something that she's not ready for.

Few weeks passed when finally I had a chance to mention this topic again, she got furious with me that I am putting all responsibility on her by letting her choose the time for our meeting.

If it would be a meet up at local coffee house, it would make sense. But in this case we were talking about meeting up in a foreign country. It requires ahead of time planning from both sides of us.

But she kept on blaming me that I am putting too much responsibility on her shoulders and that the the man should be the one that plans everything. I felt like punching my wrist to the the wall. I was trying to plan the f****ing trip and needed to know when is she available to travel. Not because I wanted her to choose particular day, but because I needed to plan my vacation ahead of time. For the reference, she is working as a freelance, while I have 9-5 job.

She kept on insisting to provide me with proper answer and kept on bullting that I am not the man of action.

We did not come to any conclusion that day and postponed our trip topic for later.

Surprisingly, I met her trough our mutual friends. I remember very well, that day it took her half day to make up her mind if she should come to the road trip with me and our friends.

If you're thinking that she might be afraid to say NO to me, it is not the case. I am definitely sure that she wants to meet me, but is damn confused to make straight-forward decisions.

Have you ever had this kind of situation? How did you solve it? Any inputs would be highly appreciated .

Local relationships have a higher risk of success. You can have chemistry with numerous amounts of people. It'll be easier, less expensive, and you can go about the normal pace of dating with someone local. I suggest you do this to save yourself a lot of money and grief. As you can see, LDRs are difficult, and you're already pissed at each other before its even begun.

You know, we get similar questions on ENA every day. First of all, long distance romances almost never turn out well. It'll take a year to find out about a person that would only take a date or two in real life to find out. Another alarm bell is when you're dealing with someone from a different culture or from another country. There are personality traits and cultural clues you may not be picking up on, such as her demand that you make all the decisions because you're the man! You left out your ages and which countries and nationalities the two of you are, so I can't give you anything more specific in that regard.

But I think this girl is showing her true side now and if you're not the kind of guy to order her around and tell her what to do, you need to run away and tell her to have a nice life because she is not the girl for you.

Dear eNotAloners,

 

I've been seeing this girl for several weeks while her internship the city I live. We go into each other quickly and kept chatting with each other ever since she left the town.

 

My intention was never to date her, mainly because I was not interested in LDR.

 

But since we kept talking to each every single day since she left, it seemed like there is something more between us.

 

One day I asked her about where we stand, her respond was that she likes me, but not interested in marriage. I was like , why did she even mention marriage? I wanted to go with a flow and see how it evolves with no marriage goals attached.

 

Other day I asked her if she's ready to meet up again. Her answer was positive, but she wanted to have some time to think about it and get used to that idea. Which was totally fine for me. I didn't want to push her into doing something that she's not ready for.

 

Few weeks passed when finally I had a chance to mention this topic again, she got furious with me that I am putting all responsibility on her by letting her choose the time for our meeting.

 

If it would be a meet up at local coffee house, it would make sense. But in this case we were talking about meeting up in a foreign country. It requires ahead of time planning from both sides of us.

 

But she kept on blaming me that I am putting too much responsibility on her shoulders and that the the man should be the one that plans everything. I felt like punching my wrist to the the wall. I was trying to plan the f****ing trip and needed to know when is she available to travel. Not because I wanted her to choose particular day, but because I needed to plan my vacation ahead of time. For the reference, she is working as a freelance, while I have 9-5 job.

 

She kept on insisting to provide me with proper answer and kept on bullting that I am not the man of action.

 

We did not come to any conclusion that day and postponed our trip topic for later.

 

Surprisingly, I met her trough our mutual friends. I remember very well, that day it took her half day to make up her mind if she should come to the road trip with me and our friends.

 

If you're thinking that she might be afraid to say NO to me, it is not the case. I am definitely sure that she wants to meet me, but is damn confused to make straight-forward decisions.

 

Have you ever had this kind of situation? How did you solve it? Any inputs would be highly appreciated .

I've done long distance and never again, unless I get really serious w/someone and they need to travel for work. She doesn't sound all that interested, in a LDR, its not about you or her putting in more, both people have to work for it esp since its long distance. W/my LDR, I struggled because all the effort was one sided and all he did towards the end is try to talk me out of having a relationship w/him. He never tried to compromise or give suggestions on how to improve our relationship. I ended up being dumped by him, which I now see as a blessing. I'm in a regular relationship now and that is so much better esp since my bf does really care for me. Long distance or not, people who are wishy washy and "unsure" aren't worth the fight. Andrina is right, LDR are rarely worth it.

Wow . .LDR's are hard enough, yet she goes off on you that you won't do all the heavy lifting?

If this is a just a snap shot things to come, then maybe consider calling it now.

I've done it. It's really difficult and both parties need to be committed in working together to make it happen.

You aren't even out of the gate and she's already lost her cool.

Consider this a sign . .and maybe a gift.