Why can't I get over this situation?

I am still not over my ex and I don't know what to do anymore.

I broke up with her 4 months ago, or did she break up with me? I am not even sure. We were together for not even 6 months. She lived with me for 4 months but went to see family in another country for 2 months after. She was planning to move back in with me one month later. We already had her flight booked and made plans for the holidays and her birthday.

During the long distance I got cold feet. She wanted to get more serious upon her return and told me that many times. She was unable to work due to her immigration status and all the financial pressure was on me. I was unable to support her at that time. I wanted to get more serious as well because I loved her, but I wasn't ready financially to be responsible for her, so one night I called her and I told her that I don't think this is going to work out for us the way things currently are. I was afraid of the commitment and the financial responsibility the continuation of our relationship would have put on me because I started running out of money. That was a big mistake. She seemed a little mad but not like it really mattered to her and she just said "good bye" in a very cold way.

The next day I regretted what I said because I thought there must be a way if we work together. It would have been tough and I already spent most of my savings in the months before to provide a good life for us. So I called her to talk about the situation again. We could have gotten a smaller apartment, returned the car and gone out less often. She told me that she decided not to come back to me as we planned because she realized that she never loved me. I cried and begged her, but she seemed to have made up her mind. Since then I tried to call her a few times and texted her too. She never answered my calls, only some of my texts. She has turned completely disinterested in my life from one week to the next even though we talked for hours every day before that. She used to call me her soul mate all the time and I told her how much I loved her every day. I met her parents and I planned on sponsoring her for her visa when she got back so we could start a family together.

After the breakup I found out that she started dating that same week already and even planned to stay in the country where her family lives. I asked her why she went to see others already after 2 days, and she said there is no why. I heard that she found a nice job, but was struggling finding the right one for her. She is still there to this day, but she was still single and looking last time I heard about her a month ago from a common acquaintance. I guess that doesn't matter to me anymore.

I tried a few times to ask her to reconsider in the 2 months after the breakup, but she only asked me to understand her decision not to come back and to move on because we are not suitable in her view and she also wrote that I just wasn't the right one for her because there was no love. I haven't heard her voice since the day after the breakup. That was 4 months ago. I was upset and sent her a few more angry and depressed texts, but they were only ignored, except for one that she responded to in a very condescending way, telling me to get over my broken heart. I was so desperate to reach out to her because she just removed herself from my life like this. In the end she blocked me entirely on everything, because I kept asking her to talk at least one last time as I had so many questions. Now there is no more direct way for me to reach out to her anymore. How was she able to tell me how much she cared about me and that she thinks we can make it work one day to go straight to dating others and ignoring me like the relationship never existed? I took care of her for months because she couldn't work here while she lived with me and for her to do this to me was something that deeply hurt me. I was there for her when she needed me and then she just abandons me and even seems to feel justified in doing it without even talking to me at all anymore. I know she doesn't owe me anything, but I found this extremely hurtful and disrespectful. I feel like she enjoyed breaking my heart in a sick way too, which is not like her, but she changed like I never really knew her.

This whole situation has upset me so much that I started seeing a therapist because in the beginning I was unable to work for a month. I am 28 and our relationship was only 6 months long. It has been 4 and a half months altogether since then and I still want to talk to her every day and speak about the things that happened as I would like to understand and know how she is doing and what is happening in her life. But to her I have become nothing right away and I am in so much pain over this. I just can't move on and I also still feel like I want her back. I want to talk to her so badly because she left me hanging. I could never imagine anyone doing this to someone. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel powerless and helpless and nothing seems to help me get over this.

I don't know what else to do, and I did so much since then and follow all the advice I got online, from friends and family.

I work out every other day, I deleted and removed everything that reminded me of her and went NC. I have been to therapy for 6 weeks now and talked to my friends and family about this many times. I started my own business and more than doubled my income. I dated others, went on vacations, made new friends, moved to a new apartment, started learning French, bought myself a lot of nice new things. Yet I still cry sometimes or get pretty upset and depressed. I still think about her frequently and want to reach out to her. Right now I am in Jamaica with a pretty cute girl I met online three weeks ago as I am writing this laying in my hotel room. It doesn't seem to get easier at all and I still want to be with her because I miss her and love her. I want to show her what I have achieved in such a short time. I want to show her that now I am ready to take care of her and sponsor her and give her an even more amazing life. I wish she was here with me. It is still so painful and it is really changing my life and who I am and my focus is always shifting back to her. I want to talk to her so badly. I dream about her most nights. I have been in many relationships before, but she is the one I want. I know there is no chance, so the only way forward is to try to get over her and forget her, but so far it hasn't gotten any easier but harder with every day I don't hear from her.

Thank you guys for reading and for your help. I know some of you know how it feels and I appreciate you and your advice very much.

Hey, buddy! Wake up! Your girlfriend only wanted you when you were will willing to support her and give her a life of luxury, free from having to work and make money! As soon as you let her know you couldn't swing it, then you were dead to her. Like she told you herself, she didn't love you. She was only using you. Stop mopping about some gold-digger. A lot of girls in other countries are looking for Westerners to marry to support their families back home.

In any event, the silver lining here is your break up spurred you to great success. Now enjoy it and the little lady you've met in Jamaica!

Hi Solomun, ya man, what you describe happened to you is understandably hurtful. DanZee is kinda right in saying that she most likely used you and the mere fact that she admitted to not loving you in the first place should only solidify her lack of integrity. I mean look at it this way. Had your situation not unfolded the way it did you would've moved your relationship with a selfish woman who would have eventually shown her true colors down the line anyway. And by then, who knows, things would have probably ended in a much worse way and worse you would've lost more time. Time is the most priceless commodity for us humans. You were basically in a lose-lose situation. Trust me, women like her who are selfish and out for their own needs will NEVER satisfy their partners, EVER. I know it's not nice to tell someone hurt to not feel bad but dam man, I gotta say it; don't feel as bad for what happened because this woman truly was exposed for the fraud that she is. Period.

You're only hurt now because you feel absolutely guilty. Trust me, I was once there too. In fact my guilt level was so high that for 3-4 months I was having full blown panic attacks because of the guilt. But now, it's been 1 1/2 years after my breakup and I'm mentally stable again. Yes, I have my down times but only because I yet to meet someone I'm compatible with. My friend, it's going to take you a while to heal. I can tell you really cared for her. I totally get it. I was once in your shoes. The only remedy is time. That's it. Nothing else. You can busy yourself 24/7 but you will subconsciously still feel depressed. So just keep in mind, always, always that time is your only means of getting over this loser chick. Honestly bro, I haven't met you but I can off the bat tell you that she doesn't deserve you. HONESTLY. You seem like a pretty legit guy. I'm sure many women out there who are just as beautiful as your ex would die to be with you. And it will happen. Just keep your head up. Let the pain run its course. Don't fight it. Cry all you want. It's okay. It's going to take time. Be patient. It might take months bro. It took me just over a year. But everyone is different. Remember, patience and time. Until then keep doing what you're doing. Seems like you're already on the right track. You can do it!

I am still not over this situation. I am full of anger and hate at this woman. I also feel guilt and regret for giving her a life just to be treated like we never had this relationship together afterwards. I don't know if she just used me, but I think she may have. If she didn't use me, she would have treated me with a little more respect afterwards.

Anyway, she wrote me on Christmas to wish me Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I was stupid enough to respond and wish her a happy New Year as well. I asked her how she was doing, but she never replied.

I am so mad at myself to leave it at that. I wish she understood that I am full of hate and anger towards her actions and that I am still suffering because she just seemed to have used me. She justifies this situation to herself and I hate her for it.

I am about to write her a pretty nasty email. I hate her and I want her to know that how she treated me was unfair and extremely insulting!!!

Write the e-mail, by all means, but do not send it.

Why shouldn't I tell her? Why can't I let out my anger towards her?

Hi everyone! My grieving time has now surpassed the length of the relationship and I am still suffering deeply from what happened in August last year. It is literally impacting my life and my ability to move forward in many ways, mostly on an emotional level.

You can read our story above in the OP and see that this person is not even worth the pain that I am still feeling almost 7 months on. I am still blaming myself for what happened. I of course haven't heard from her since Christmas, but I don't think I will ever hear from her again.

Every day I am having these weird obsessive thought patterns. There hasn't been one day that I didn't think about it. So many things in my daily life remind me of her. In my mind I created more connections to her than there actually were in reality and it is driving me crazy. She has become someone who she actually wasn't at all. I am still not accepting what she did to me and that I let her do this to me. I even still feel the need to confront her for her actions to this day, but I doubt she will ever feel anything or that she has the willpower, heart, or emotional capacity to understand me.

I feel tired and empty, and even though I worked so hard and succeeded on improving my life on so many levels, I still can't enjoy any of it. I feel that if she had just simply talked to me after things calmed down, I would have been over the whole situation long ago. What can I do? What is wrong with me? I didn't have these kind of strong feelings during the relationship, why am I having them now after it has ended so long ago?

Frequency

Duration

Intensity

Watch for these things to change. At some point your emotions will change in one or some or all of these areas. As said above, it takes time.

You care for her. You broke up with her so you blame yourself. That's understandable. However, keep in mind that sometimes it just isn't meant to be. No matter what you say or do, it would not have worked out.

I can't speak for her motivations or actions. But I can say that you can first learn to live with this pain... And one day the pain will subside and you will have moved on. In the meantime, it will be awful and it will hurt. The pain is a sign that your feelings were genuine.

You're a caring person and you got hurt. That is an excruciating burden to bear.

I loved my husband for 11 years of a 14 year marriage. It took me a very long time to let go of the pain and anger I felt toward him... the love and hurt.... My story is long but suffice it to say I went from crying on my kitchen floor every day and not being able to work to having no painful emotion toward him at all except sadness and pity for him.

Listen, it seems like this pain will never end, and for awhile it won't. There is no way around that. I send you love and hugs and light for all the days nights that you feel pain. Try everything you possibly can to keep moving forward. Some days it won't work, but the effort will pay off in the end. I promise.