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Is Being Envious Bad?


Amakutee

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I have a crush on this boy in my class.

 

He's basically perfect. He knows how to play piano, guitar, and drums. He's smart. He's nice and quite handsome. He also plays badminton. I also gave him a cake, I baked myself, for his birthday, October 12.

 

Anyway, like he and his seatmate constantly talk, I have no problem with that. But lately, they're always talking even outside of class. I can't help but feel envious of her.

 

Due to my depression, I was sulking in our Christmas party earlier. I saw them talking and eating together and it made me feel envious. I kept convincing myself that it's not in my place to be envious of someone I'm not even that close with.

 

Our class decided for each one of us to write a few words to our classmates, instead of exchanging gifts. The papers were put in paper pockets with our names on it. After we finished eating, the pockets were distributed. When I received mine, I was so confused whether to be happy or continue sulking. I, eventually, broke down and ran out of our classroom.

 

I talked with my best friend about this. I kept trying to convince myself that, if I really do love him, I'll be happy for him even if he's not with me. I was also convincing myself, that I'm a selfish person for being envious. Also, I believe that true love is unconditional and selfless (we have Religion as one of our subjects so that might have influenced me). She told me that it's okay to be envious, but I'm not entirely convinced.

 

Is this love I'm feeling for him or just infatuation? Is it bad to be envious?

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Love is a pretty subjective concept.

 

I honestly don't feel that you can love someone if you don't really know them very well personally.

 

You only really know this guy's public side. Not who he is. So I would say that you are just infatuated with him.

 

True love should also not be unconditional. That is actually terrible. If you truly love someone should you have to subject yourself to their physical or verbal assaults? What about of they have an addiction that will destroy them and everyone around them?

 

Love shouldn't be unconditional.

 

But you could be happy for him if he does get into a healthy relationship regardless. A very mature way to be in fact.

 

As you your original question...

 

Envy in itself isn't really good or bad. It is just a way we as humans are. The important thing is how we deal with our envy.

 

Envy helps some people accomplish great things. It can also poison a person to the point of being a terrible human being.

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How can I deal with him being in a healthy relationship though? Currently, it's like I can't imagine myself in a situation where's he's already in a relationship. It's probably just some sort of mindset I have, but personally, if it ever turns to that, I think I can manage it.

 

Thank you for the advice about about envy. :D

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  • 4 months later...
I have a crush on this boy in my class.

 

He's basically perfect. He knows how to play piano, guitar, and drums. He's smart. He's nice and quite handsome. He also plays badminton. I also gave him a cake, I baked myself, for his birthday, October 12.

 

Anyway, like he and his seatmate constantly talk, I have no problem with that. But lately, they're always talking even outside of class. I can't help but feel envious of her.

 

Due to my depression, I was sulking in our Christmas party earlier. I saw them talking and eating together and it made me feel envious. I kept convincing myself that it's not in my place to be envious of someone I'm not even that close with.

 

Our class decided for each one of us to write a few words to our classmates, instead of exchanging gifts. The papers were put in paper pockets with our names on it. After we finished eating, the pockets were distributed. When I received mine, I was so confused whether to be happy or continue sulking. I, eventually, broke down and ran out of our classroom.

 

I talked with my best friend about this. I kept trying to convince myself that, if I really do love him, I'll be happy for him even if he's not with me. I was also convincing myself, that I'm a selfish person for being envious. Also, I believe that true love is unconditional and selfless (we have Religion as one of our subjects so that might have influenced me). She told me that it's okay to be envious, but I'm not entirely convinced.

 

Is this love I'm feeling for him or just infatuation? Is it bad to be envious?

Since you really dont know him that well personally, just what you see and how he presents himself, you are probably just infatuated with him. If you want to take the step ask him out or ask him for his number. Something of that nature to see if he notices you as well and wants to get to know you. If not then let go of the infatuation and find someone that cares about you!
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It sounds like you have a major crush on him. You are trying to use philosophy to explain why you are hurt that he isn't returning your feelings. unrequited feelings always sting a bit. That's ok. One day a boy will come along who feels the same way about you as you do about him.

if I really do love him, I'll be happy for him even if he's not with me. I was also convincing myself, that I'm a selfish person for being envious. Also, I believe that true love is unconditional and selfless
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. Also, I believe that true love is unconditional and selfless

 

Unconditional love is given only to one's children.

 

Everyone has conditions for love, such as no cheating, no abuse, no criminal behavior, etc.

 

I'm guessing this guy has no clue that you're head over heels in love with him, right?

Is it bad to be envious?

 

 

Yes. It's self-administered poison. Only you are going to end up being hurt--no one else.

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