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Thread: The complicated chaos and no clue where to start

  1. #1

    The complicated chaos and no clue where to start

    I canít feel anything, not sure that I want too. I have learned to take any uncomfortable situation and make it not about me, I can do this purposely or unintentionally. I have shut myself off from everyone in life, I donít know if I believe in God, Even if I do, I donít know that Iíd trust him enough to let go of my control. I donít interact with anyone, if I do, I only text, or email and I record everything that is said. I donít allow anyone around me. If I have to interact with anyone, I have a plan that at any minute I can stop communication without any issue. I can have a conversation and choose not to be present, I can have a flashback and believe it wasnít me. I know exactly how many steps it takes to get to my front door, my back door and every sound in my house. I watch actions not listen to words. I trust no one. I am not schizophrenic, I have complex PTSD. I have severe agoraphobia. And getting better looks very bleak for me. Iím stuck anyway you look at it. I have 3 children, 25,21 and 18. A grandson whoís 4. These 4 are my sun and the air I breathe. The only hope I have is to trust. To find a safe spot to process years of traumatic experiences, and thereís not a soul alive I can feel safe with. Iím sick of people saying things wonít happen, not to fear ect. I fear because these things DID HAPPEN. itís not what if. Itís IT DID. I need that safe place or Iíll never be present. The chaos is overwhelming me. I try and fail and need to learn to trust someone. But Iím not sure I ever will

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    You can start here.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need a doctor and therapist. Get evaluated for neurological problems.. Everyone is socially isolating at the moment and there is a lot of chaos around everyone.
    Originally Posted by Createdchaos
    I have 3 children, 25,21 and 18. A grandson whoís 4. These 4 are my sun and the air I breathe. The chaos is overwhelming me.

  4. #4
    I do have a psychologist who comes to my house every week, I have disability for my diagnosis. This isnít anything to do with the coronavirus, itís my normal daily life. Iíve done many treatments, many medications, it just doesnít work because I donít trust.

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