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Thread: Finding me...

  1. #1
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    Finding me...

    For a while I've been contemplating whether I should post a journal. I love to write and vent my thoughts, and lately life has tossed a few curveballs my way and I'm looking for ways to manage stress and still, live my life happily. So why not post a journal, right? Right. :)

    So, I moved to a very large city about 2 years ago for a better job. It's been a contract position. One month ago there was a large lay-off at our company and therefore, I knew the odds of being hired on full time were slim.

    So my contract is coming to an end in a few months and I'm scrambling to find a job (on top of working my full time position and kinda, sorta dating.

    I have a pretty stressful job, so at the end of the day, there's nothing I'd love more than kicking my feet up and relaxing.

    About 2 months ago, I met a nice guy online. I wasn't overly eager to meet up, but was enjoying getting to know him. He drove 45 minutes into the city to meet me. We discussed that if we didn't meet then, we doubt we would have ever met. He also mentioned that he noticed my messages seeming shorter and infrequent. He thought I was losing interest. Then we met. Had a nice chat and visit in general.

    He messaged me a couple of days later saying he hoped we would be seeing each other again. We tried to arrange something immediately, but work got in the way for both of us. He was starting a new job and travelling out of country, and I was dealing with the repercussions of a lay-off at work, while now scrambling to find a job for when my contract ends while I worked full time.

    We finally met up again two Saturdays ago. He drove into the city, and into my area as well. By this point we had been messaging each other at least once a day. He offered to pick me up, which I declined. Don't feel comfortable having a guy pick me up on the second meet.

    We meet up, and again, had a nice visit and chat. He mentioned that I seem to move at a slow pace. I asked him what he meant, considering circumstances are what prevented us from meeting up for a second time sooner (I.e. - work, distance, etc.). He proceeded to mention that normally on the second date, either he's going back to her place, or her to his ("but nothing happens, of course" - lol, of course nothing happens. Does he think I was born yesterday?). I was a bit surprised at his comment. To each their own, but I've never gone home with a guy after a second date; nor have I brought anyone home. I'm looking for long term and therefore I'm cautious. I should note that he's looking for longterm as well, and wants to eventually settle down and have kids.

    During our date we were sitting across from each other. There was flirting and smiling, but he commented that I'm not very touchy/feely. I was, again, surprised at his comment because, well, he wasn't very touchy either. Anyway, I just got the feeling he was craving some physical contact, which is fine. At the end of the night he was commenting on the next time we meet and asked for a hug.

    We parted ways and on Wednesday, I asked him how he was. Apparently he had been sick and was just getting better.

    We've been messaging basically every other day and he's been asking me how my job interviews are going. We already have silly nicknames for each other, too. My concern is that his messages are becoming less and less and he doesn't seem as eager as when we first met.

    And with Xmas approaching, it might be another 1.5 weeks or so before we see each other again; that's if we see each other again.

    He seems quite sweet and the type of guy I'm looking for, but I'm just not getting a good read on him.

    I think I just might hold back on sending as many messages. Maybe I'll just folllow him at his own speed.

    We'll see...

  2. #2
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    It's funny how initially I was feeling indifferent, but now I'm very interested. But this is what I want - to take my time and get to know someone. He seems so kind and caring, and the more I see this side of him, the more attracted I am.

    Yet, I'm sensing the opposite with him, where I thought he was more interested in the beginning. I could be wrong there, though. He might be feeling the same way as me. The messages he sends are thoughtful and sweet; almost protective, which I like.

    Fingers crossed on this one. 🤞

  3. #3
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    The guy I refer to in the above posts and I have been exchanging messages here and there. We've both been busy with the holidays and work. No third date scheduled at this point.

    I'm still surprised that he mentioned during our second date that normally by this point (the second date), he's either going back to the girl's place, or she's going back to his (with no intention of sex). It's fine if two people decide to do this. However, I can't say I've gone back to a guy's place after a second date; nor have I invited a guy back to my place. He made it sound like it was commonplace for him. I don't have any friends who do this either. I'm looking for longterm, so I'm not looking to rush things physically. But I'm wondering if he was trying to manipulate me into thinking that what I was doing was wrong. Since our last date, two weeks ago, our communication isn't as frequent. Maybe he was looking for something more physical from the get-go?

    He would say: "you don't really talk about your emotions, or feelings", or "you're not very touchy-feely".

    I say, "we've only been out twice. I'm still getting to know you". Meanwhile, he hasn't discussed his feelings either, nor was he at all touchy-feely.

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    So it's been a while since I've posted on here, and I'm feeling a need to vent, so...

    Went out with a funny guy a couple of weeks ago. Met online, chatted on the phone for a bit, and set up a first meet.

    We met at a nice bar downtown (live in a very large city) and it was super packed. He seemed really nervous, but it was cute.

    Of all things, while talking/joking, this guy on the other side of me (date and I were sitting next to each other at the bar) decides to join our conversation. He was in the city for a couple of days for work. At first I thought I was imagining things, but think he was hitting on me, despite being there with with this other guy. I wasn't rude to him. I, as well as my date, engaged in conversation with him. I by no means flirted with the guy. I just remember how uncomfortable I felt on a few occasions during the night.

    As my date and I got up to leave, the other guy asked me if I had Facebook. I looked at my date to say, "yes, I'm sure Evan (my date)" has FB. I just put it back on my date because I felt uncomfortable. I didn't say anything about having FB. Then this guy proceeds to give me his card, which I then gave to Evan. Guy then held my hand for a prolonged period of time as my date and I said our goodbyes to him. I just went to shake his hand, and he held it, while giving a certain look. Man that was uncomfortable.

    The next night, my date texts me: "So, did you email Brendan?". I guess he didn't realize that I passed Brendan's card to him. I said, "I passed Brendan's card to you. Lol". Evan then replies, "Oh...very smooth". I then ask him "And why would I email Brendan?". Evan responds, "I'm just joking. You know...making a funny".

    Either way, wasn't quite feeling it with Evan, despite him being a nice guy.

    I recently received a notification on an app that this cute guy wanted to chat with me. Didn't respond because Was busy with work. He then notified me again that he wanted to chat. We've exchanged a couple of messages. He's been abroad this past week for work and returning home this weekend. He wants to meet up on Monday for a drink, which I've agreed to.

    So, I'll admit. I'm looking forward to meeting this one. He's looks very handsome and seems to have a lot of the qualities I'm looking for, on paper that is.

    I've noticed that when a guy like this pursues me, and seems to have a lot of amazing qualities and check marks in terms of what I'm looking for, I become somewhat suspicious like, "what's the catch? What's wrong with him?". I know this sounds bad, but I've been propositioned for sex and gawd knows what else so many times online, I feel I'm becoming jaded, to a certain extent.

    I'm remaining positive though and just looking forward to the experience. It'll be fun I think.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by milly007
    As my date and I got up to leave, the other guy asked me if I had Facebook. I looked at my date to say, "yes, I'm sure Evan (my date)" has FB. I just put it back on my date because I felt uncomfortable. I didn't say anything about having FB. Then this guy proceeds to give me his card, which I then gave to Evan. Guy then held my hand for a prolonged period of time as my date and I said our goodbyes to him. I just went to shake his hand, and he held it, while giving a certain look. Man that was uncomfortable.

    The next night, my date texts me: "So, did you email Brendan?". I guess he didn't realize that I passed Brendan's card to him. I said, "I passed Brendan's card to you. Lol". Evan then replies, "Oh...very smooth". I then ask him "And why would I email Brendan?". Evan responds, "I'm just joking. You know...making a funny"
    That was a good thing to do on your part. Even if you're not feeling it with Evan.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    That was a good thing to do on your part. Even if you're not feeling it with Evan.
    Thanks, Jibralta. I think I was in disbelief over this other guy's (Brendan's) actions and couldn't initially comprehend that someone would be this overly friendly under the circumstances. So at first I was in denial and thought I was imagining things.

    I mean, if I saw a man and woman at a bar together, I'd err on the side of caution and assume they're together. Who knows...maybe Brendan didn't realize how he was coming across. But I just remember thinking most of the night, "I just don't want Evan to think I'm interested in this guy". It was just an odd set of circumstances.

    Evan seemed sweet. I would never hit on anyone in a situation like that, and I hope the same would be done for me if the roles were reversed.

  8. #7
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    So it feels like my dating options are getting worse.

    Went to the salon on thursday night and when I got home, I thought I'd check out an online dating app. I matched with a very adorable man (probably one of the few I felt instantly VERY attracted to). He messaged me while I was sleeping, and I replied the next morning while on my way to work. He responds, "just heading into work, but let's chat soon".

    While on my lunch break, I decide to do a search. I googled his name and my city. I didn't think I'd find anything, considering he has a common name and I live in a city with millions upon millions upon millions of people.

    Low and behold, an article popped up where this guy was charged with assaulting someone (charges which were dropped/not proven), and pictures of him. At first, I'm thinking, "this can't be him". So I took the name in the newspaper article and looked him up on FB. It was him! And to the app I went and...delete! Ah! So scary. Seeing this article about him really bothered me. It was so disturbing.

    So, today I decided to try a new app. I matched with a guy and we were having a good conversation. He just moved to my city back in December. I decided to look him up on FB, and guess what! He's listed as being in a relationship with someone (she lives in the location where he moved from in December). And, to the app I went and...delete! Eek!

    Something's in the water folks, and I don't like it! Lol

  9. #8
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    Sometimes, like a lot of people, I feel like throwing in the towel.

    I might just take a break soon from dating and focus on myself.

  10. #9
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    And I've never come across anything like I have this past weekend in my dating experience.

    It's quite scary, actually, and just goes to show why we shouldn't rush things when dating.

    Getting to know people takes time.

    Or, they're just a google search away. Lol

  11. #10
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    I have a couple of meets scheduled for Sunday and Monday.

    The way one guy asked me out was quite cute. Normally they ask if I want to meet up for a drink, coffee or dinner, but this guy actually said, "Milly, would you like to go on a date with me?".

    The other guy I'm meeting seems to be a bit more guarded.

    Well, I won't know really until we meet. See how it goes.

    Another guy wanted to meet last minute, after work, last night. I was kinda tempted, but the thought of heading home and relaxing was much more appealing.

    And for the first time, some guy asked me (as his first message) if I send NSFW pics. Didn't even know what NSFW meant when he asked, but clearly the answer was 'nope'. I then looked it up - 'Not Safe For Work' is apparently what it means. Oh gawd.

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