Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 28 of 30 FirstFirst ... 252627282930 LastLast
Results 271 to 280 of 294

Thread: Finding me...

  1. #271
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,038
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    I can definitely relate to wanting to meet someone after feeling a connection like that, even if it was only over text. But consider what a poor form of communication texting is.

    It's easy to misread meaning and intent with text messages.

    Similarly, it's easy to bullsht someone because there's no chance that body language or voice modulation will contradict what you are saying.

    There's so much more information available through to in-person communication.

    I'm sorry you're feeling blue over the whole thing, and I'm not blaming you for what happened.

    Might it have gone differently if you hadn't invested so much in text-affections? Probably. But we live and we learn.
    It really is a poor form of communication. Although I knew that what we were doing was wrong, I went along with it anyway, because I enjoyed "talking" to him and wanted to try something new. After all, because I don't meet many men I'm interested in, I didn't think it could hurt to try something different, and I thought throwing away the rule book might work in my favor. Clearly I was wrong. But, at least I gave it a shot. As you said, J., live and learn. I'll never do this again.

  2. #272
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,038
    Gender
    Female
    Still kinda reeling after what happened with R., but I'm thinking about him less and what happened as the days pass.

    Whenever he does cross my mind, I find myself trying to understand what happened (which I will never understand) and how someone can seem so significantly different in person than the person I perceived him to be (it was like dealing with two completely different people). As someone who prides themselves on having good judgment, I really let myself down in this situation, but I learned.

    One thought that also occurred to me with R is that I think he liked the chase. For instance, when we finally met in person, and I suggested that we leave the bar earlier, he looked at me and said, "Should we?", and he then decided that he was going to try and finish the food that he ordered (i.e. "You know, I think I might try and eat this salad that I ordered, or do you want it?"). He didn't even end up touching his salad, but seemed nervous and more talkative. Then, as we were leaving the bar, and he offered to walk me home, I thanked him and explained I'd be fine walking home by myself, he again looked nervous, became more talkative and then seemed to want to prolong our goodbye. I just thought we'd say "thanks for coming out and nice meeting ya" and then part ways (which is why I gave him a quick hug and thanked him for coming out as soon as we set foot outside of the bar). He then asked what happened to us years ago when we first connected, which I honestly thought was a sweet question. I dunno, I think R liked a good chase, and Iím too tired to run. Lol. I did that in my teens/20ís, and Iím exhausted.

    Anyway, as already mentioned, I could analyze this until I'm blue in the face (which I kind of am, at this point), but I'm never going to understand his mindset, his thoughts, and how things went from 100 to 0 in a matter of hours. But, and this is a BIG, BIG, "BUT"...If I had to guess, I'm thinking my post-meeting texts chased him away. I should have left him alone and accepted that things did not go as planned and moved on.

    Or, all of this texts prior to meeting up were a load of cr*p, which I'd like to believe is NOT the case.

    Honestly, guys, I wish I knew a mind reader (but then again, I know we've all felt this way at some point in our lives).

    The thing is, normally I can look back on a situation and understand why it didn't work out with someone. This scenario is so different...

    I guess it's just a simple explanation of us not being compatible, and that maybe after our meet, despite him seeming interested, he had time to assess what happened and decided that we just aren't a match.

    A friend thinks that my particular text to him which said, in part, "Maybe I just had different expectations heading into the night (after 9 months of communication)", and "I'd be willing to give it one last/go meet", could only be interpreted by him as me being indifferent, on the fence, and not enthusiastic about meeting up again. In fact, it could be interpreted as being kinda 'meh' about the whole thing. Really, who knows....

    On a different note, I'm still leaning into this career bit and attempting to figure out next steps. I'm tempted to go back online, tbh, but not just to create a distraction. I really want to get married and have kids one day, but being that I'm in my 30's, time is not on my side. So do I stay offline, and only focus on myself, or do I keep OLD open as an option, provided I keep both feet on the ground and make myself the priority for now.

    Friends and family believe that I can do both - work on myself and do OLD, and that with the right guy, he'll understand and be supportive.

    R knew all about my career and frustrations (nothing too detailed, but that I'm on the lookout for something new) and was seemingly supportive and kind, at least via text message. He even said something along the lines of, "I believe everything is going to work out in your favor because you deserve it. You just have to keep at it and stay positive"). In person, he seemed a bit more judge-y (the body language, facial expressions, tone, etc. - seriously, it was so weird!). In fairness, again, maybe it was nerves or his insecurities rearing their ugly head, who knows. We all manage our nerves and insecurities in different ways. Maybe he masks his nervousness with defensiveness or being overly guarded. Man, I'd love to know. Like I said, I find human behavior so interesting!

    Well, I'm predicting another interesting week ahead of trying to figure this all out. Something tells me I'll never have it all figured out, though.

    Leaning into these feelings of discomfort is not easy, because it's so gosh darn uncomfortable. R was such a fantastic distraction through all of this, but not in good way (my impression of him wasn't real. It strictly was a fantasy, I think). I realize I have to face this head-on if I want to make any real changes in my life right now, and although I want to do this strictly on my own, like I said, I really want to meet someone great too and time is NOT on my side.
    Last edited by milly007; 08-04-2019 at 11:46 PM.

  3. #273
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,038
    Gender
    Female
    And fwiw, I do still have that account up (which I signed for following my meet with R), but thereís no one there Iím even mildly interested in, and Iíd be shocked if anything changes in the near future.

    In terms of the free sites/apps, I took a peek at those about a week or two ago, and again, I just found profiles of people Iím not interested in, or men I remember seeing online about 7 or 8 years ago, when I first connected with R.

    So Iím thinking OLD might not be as distracting as some might expect...

    I donít know if this is a good or bad thing. *face-palm*

  4. #274
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,038
    Gender
    Female
    So, I haven't done much dating lately. I guess you could say I've been a fairly passive participant in the online dating world, but for various reasons.

    I've been spending my time exploring other career possibilities, and a loved one recently had surgery, so I stayed with them for a while to help out around their homefront.

    I think I may have gone out with two guys over the last few months - one who was a very different from my typical type, and another just this past Thursday.

    The man I met on Thursday messaged me online about a week or two ago. He had a nice profile, cute pics, and we seemed to have a fair amount in common. After exchanging a few messages, he asked to meet up.

    So when I got back into town, we scheduled something for this past Thursday. It was an okay meeting. He was attractive, but I didn't see a second meet-up in our future. He seemed to be considerate and complimentary, telling me that I looked pretty & that he couldn't believe I was single.

    So throughout the day yesterday, I noticed that he was looking at my profile (to a point where I was thinking, "he sure seems to be checking out the profile a lot"). And fwiw - I wasn't looking at his.

    And then when I woke-up this morning to check messages, I noticed that he had blocked me on the OLD site. Why? I have no idea. Anyway, I'm wondering if the world has gone mad.

    I'm beginning to think that finding a secure man these days is like hoping to discover Big Foot (no offence to all you secure gents out there - I know some exist).

    I also noticed a lawyer (who I initially met at a social function before we ran into each other online), and who messaged me via the same OLD site, also blocked me because (I'm assuming it's because) I hadn't responded to his message within a few days.

    Oy vey...

  5.  

  6. #275
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,038
    Gender
    Female
    I mean, is blocking someone who doesnít show signs of interest a new thing? To protect the ego? Clearly theyíre trying to get a point across, in a passive-aggressive way, mind you.

    Iíd be interested in understanding the mindset behind this. We werenít messaging each other. Nothing happened. So why block...

    In previous experiences, whether there was interest or not, me, & the person I met, would just go on about our business, and respectfully co-exist online. Lol.
    Last edited by milly007; 10-26-2019 at 02:51 PM.

  7. #276
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    50,653
    Maybe his girlfriend found the profile and blocked you?

  8. #277
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,038
    Gender
    Female
    Maybe, but I think he did it. I have no idea why. I only block people who have been gross or rude. And we weren't even communicating. So weird.

    My gut's telling me that this is an ego/insecurity issue. But really, who knows...

    I was already kinda leery prior to meeting him, for various reasons (nothing outrageous), and what happened today basically validated my spidey senses & gut feeling.

    So sadly, I'm not really all that shocked over what happened.

    When it comes to OLD, I feel like I've come to expect weirdness (but I won't accept it). And yet, I still try and make sense of it when I know I'll never truly understand why people do what they do. I guess Iím just intrigued by it all (I.e. why do people do what they do?).

    He was one of those guys that always peeked at my profile (all of the time), but never reached out (until very recently after I reciprocated his interest). When I was telling a friend about him (the day before we met), I actually referred to him as the "peeker", because he'd always peek at my profile, but never make any moves. Either way, when he finally reached out, I was happy to engage with him and meet-up.
    Last edited by milly007; 10-26-2019 at 08:57 PM.

  9. #278
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    50,653
    I found it a waste of time to analyze why near-strangers do or don't do certain things. I don't learn anything from it and it's just aggravating. Like the woman who nicely held the door for me the other day then proceeded to take a loud non-urgent cell phone call on our crowded elevator. Or the women I've been connecting with through facebook groups who are intense about wanting to make friends but can't be bothered to actually make a plan to meet, etc.

  10. #279
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,038
    Gender
    Female
    You're right. It is a waste of time. Just another (kinda, sorta) interesting story to add to this journal, I guess.

  11. #280
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    50,653
    Oh I get it if course because I lived it in various ways when I was dating and not just men I met through on line sites.

Page 28 of 30 FirstFirst ... 252627282930 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •