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Thread: I am straight but like a woman please help me tell her....

  1. #1

    I am straight but like a woman please help me tell her....

    long story short, I have for the past few years strongly debated in my head if I am straight or not. I have had 3 boyfriends, all super dysfunctional and the most unsatisfactory sex lives. I have always in multiple ways and levels been attracted to women too, never acted on it.

    I am still attracted to men, but I also have always been into women too. I have never admitted this to anyone except the men I have been in relationships with (as a joking thing like, holy hell that actress is hot... they always didn't care)

    everyone who knows me would be shocked if they knew I even liked a woman. but in the end the people who matter would support me and I am not at all worried about that aspect of liking a woman.

    ok so... I have become aquainted with a woman at work who identifies as lesbian , and interested in women. and I am absolutely smitten of her. the first day we met, she told me I looked "super nice" and since then I have just been.... like, so into her. it was like a switch went off in my brain.

    I want to be around her all the time, she makes me happy when I see her, I think she is beautiful, and talented. She seems so kind and sweet. I just never want to leave work when I am working with her because it means I am still around her. I think about her all the time. I get so happy when I see her. I just can't explain it. I have felt this way with guys I have cared deeply for which tells me I have something going on here, but honestly, I feel Like I may like her more than I have others in past.

    She has shown interest in me.. .lots of compliments when we talk (we were talking about dating I said "no guys ever really like me back haha" she said "how could anyone not like you back you are so sweet and kind and..." and then she stopped and shut up.),

    whenever I turn around at work and see her she is looking right at me. and not in a non chalant way, like, leaning over the counter just gazing at me (she has nothing to do sometimes at work lol) it just takes my breath away when i catch her and I would just give anything to be able to tell her this.

    I am so scared and all week I have tried asking myself "what is it that scares you"

    I guess it comes down to, actually admitting my feelings to her (which even if it was a guy I would be feeling the same way so this is normal). I guess I am scared of being rejected because I like her so much, but unlike with guys, I know this time would be ok because she is so kind and sweet she would be so kind about it. unlike most of the men of my past.

    I am scared that she may like me back and then I am actually, really doing this. this is a big change and step in my life, to do something like this, and once I admit things it is no turning back for me.

    I don't want her to think I am just doing this for fun, this is a major decision for me and one I don't take lightly.

    I am just looking for advice. what in the hell do I say to her, how do I say it... I don't want her to think I am just experimenting and stuff because I have put so much thought over the past few years to this... I always said If I met a woman that was meant to be that kind of part of my life, I would know, and boy do I feel like I know right now.

    I don't want to do the wrong thing. has anyone been in my shoes? any advice?

    how do I even begin to tell her...I just want to do it so we can start whatever it is meant to start with us, or if she is not interested, at least I know!!!!!

    tl;dr: I am "straight" but have had some doubts, I met this amazing girl she is , she has shown interest in me and I have fallen very hard for her. how do I admit this to her?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Do you have any gay friends that you can talk to? Most people have a "coming out" story that they can share. A friend who has been in a similar situation may be able to give you some good advice.

  3. #3
    nope, none. I am all on my own with this one. in the end, I know I will be ok with either outcome. It is just telling her that is the hard part, I don't know what to expect and it is scary.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    I can imagine. Sorry I can't be of more help.

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    When you have developed a strong friendship with her, I would just tell her as you have told us. I donít think thereís any better way. She will see your genuine sincerity and be able to help you navigate your feelings.

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    She is a coworker. not a good idea.

  8. #7
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    She is a coworker. not a good idea.
    I agree....

  9. #8
    Silver Member force's Avatar
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    Come on we can give her better advice than this...

    Well a good rule of thumb to figure out if you're really attracted to her is if you get turned on by the thought of kissing her or doing other things...Soo what I would do is invite her out for a drink at a bar. If she says yes she maaaay be interested. When there then look for signals like hair flipping, touching, smiling a lot. If you think you're getting signals then invite her over for a movie afterward. If she's interested she'll probably come over. By this point she'll probably have picked up that you "like" her and if she's interested she'll be like "sure!"

  10. #9
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    Honestly, I'd handle it just like you'd handle a guy. Glow slow, ask out for coffee, build up slowly from there. You don't need to, and probably shouldn't, profess your feelings right away. I have a feeling she'll figure it out eventually. The fact that she's a coworker is messy (and untenable if she is a subordinate) and could be very bad if you broke up, but there have been many happy relationships that started out in an office too. I would not make your relationship obvious in the office, and I would say the same to anyone dating a coworker.

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