He broke up with me

Hi

I know you all hear the same story of break ups and usually they are quite similar.. My story may not be different. My boyfriend and I dated for 6 months (I know, it’s not a long time) everything was going well (at least in my mind) and moving towards something that could be very serious. I felt safe with him, he was my confident and support system.. we never fought, we did have a few disagreement but for the most part we got along very well...then hurricane Irma struck and everything changed. He started to distance himself, started working out a lot, spending time with his friend and basically busy all the time. I figured he needed some space so I tried not to read too much into it. One thing that I must say is that when the hurricane made landfall in Orlando we were together and everything‘ seemed fine until we lost power. He started to freak out and basically telling me that he was going to move back to raise his daughter. I was confused because right then I understood that he didn’t even picture me in his future. Needless to say that hurt pretty bad. The following week he told me he didn’t want a relationship but that he wanted to casually date and that he was a bad guy and that I deserve better. Honestly that really broke my heart. I was falling for him and opened my heart to him and then I got dumped.

The reason I’m here is because I need advice. I am still very hurt even though it happened almost 3 months ago. I want to email him my thoughts and how I feel but at the same time I don’t want to look like I’m thirsty or begging him to take me back. I know that he has moved on; in fact 2 weeks after breaking up with me he started dating someone else and they seem to be happy. I am not jealous but rather hurt and I don’t know if writing an email will give closure. I’ve had this on my mind for a month now and I feel that it will in a way give some closure. Any thoughts?

Write it. But don't send it.

Closure comes from you, not from him. Getting out the words can help a lot in the healing process.

Do not send anything. You will feel worse when he doesn't respond.

Also, he is with someone else, and in another state. What would you get from that.

Keep yourself busy with friends, family and new interests. It helps.

I'm sorry OP to read this. Breakups are brutal especially when you are the one being broken up with so I can see why you want to send the letter. I would advise against it. Some things are better left unsaid. It's time for you to write it for you and then move on. My ex wrote himself a letter to me but never sent it. He told me he did it to get closure on his own terms, if he had sent it to me it may have been negative and nothing would have changed except now knowing what was on his mind, which I wouldn't have wanted to know about.

Think about that OP. It may cause more friction and negative vibes and hurt you more.

Lisa

What could he possibly write back that would make it all better? "Sorry I dumped you and got with someone else right away"?

"Closure" (man, do I despise whoever came up with the concept that "closure" must be acquired from your ex!) comes from you accepting that this man was the wrong one for you.

Hi Legend11,

I am very sorry to hear of your plight. It's very painful isn't it, especially when the other person moves on so quickly.

You have come to the right place here.

Please do not send the e-mail. By all means write all your thoughts down, (it helps) vent on here as much as you need to, but e-mailing him will not provide you the "closure" you are looking for.

Do not contact this person and starting healing yourself. You are worth more than giving him the satisfaction.

Keep going. You will find the strength to get through this.

I do not think sending him a letter is a good idea, especially since you've been broken up for 3 months after a 6 month relationship AND he has a girlfriend. I can't see how that would work out well for you. If you have him on any social media accounts consider disconnecting from him. Sorry, I know it hurts. Write the letter, maybe read it out loud with all the emotions you feel behind your words, but don't send it.

One valuable lesson I have learned over the years: When a guy tells you that you deserve better...he means it, and there is usually something to it. Learn to listen to what they are telling you.

I agree with the others: write it if you must, but don't send it. Burn it, bury it, tear it up... get the emotions out, then let them go.

Did he move?

We don't always get closure, and need to find it ourselves.

Don't ask the why, what if questions. You'll drive yourself insane.

Write all you need to, but never send anything.

He knows how to contact you if he chooses to.

Block or unfollow if you have social media connections, and delete his number.

Write it somewhere if you want, but tuck it away so that it's not easy for you to call/ text.

For him to date so quickly, and still be with her, he checked out on you before ending it.

You need time. That's the true healer.

Did he move?

 

We don't always get closure, and need to find it ourselves.

Don't ask the why, what if questions. You'll drive yourself insane.

Write all you need to, but never send anything.

He knows how to contact you if he chooses to.

Block or unfollow if you have social media connections, and delete his number.

Write it somewhere if you want, but tuck it away so that it's not easy for you to call/ text.

For him to date so quickly, and still be with her, he checked out on you before ending it.

 

You need time. That's the true healer.

No he did not. I now think and believe he was lying about that. And you are all right. I just need to move on as well. 3 months is a long time to be sad and stuck on one person who seems to be enjoying life while the other person(me) is miserable. Thanks for the input and advice!

People say closure is overrated, but I absolutely disagree with that. I'm a person who needs closure, as without it, I can stew on something for a very long time. My last 2 relationships ended very differently: one, where he just walked away and left me, no closure, and the other, where I ended it, continued to talk to him through and after the breakup, and I got all the closure I needed. Guess which one I healed from faster, and more completely....yes, the one where I had closure.

So I get your desire for closure!

Here's the thing though: this guy has given you all the closure you need:

Closure Point #1 - He either lied to you about moving away, or he honestly wanted to move away, but never mentioned you going with him.

Closure Point #2 - He told you that he didn't want a relationship with you, but that he'd "casually date" you, which was his way of backing away gently. He knew you wanted an Exclusive relationship, so he told you this in hopes that you'd say that a casual, no-strings relationship wouldn't work, and that you'd break things off formally.

For Closure Point #3, he's dating someone else. Regardless of whether he seems happy or not, he's making you aware that he's moved on. He told you right there that he didn't see a future with you.

I think the timing during the hurricane is coincidental. We can say it was the day the new mayor got elected, or the day they opened the new grocery store. The fact that you first noticed a change during the hurricane was just a matter of timing, I believe.

Sending any communication right now would be futile, and I promise, you will not get the result that you want. Begging for a relationship is not a good look. What he'll do with that is keep it in his mind, in his back pocket, and pull it out if/when his new relationship goes south, so you will always be "back burner girl" for him. Do you want to be "back burner girl"? I didn't think so.