Sexual Chemistry or Comfort

Hi Everyone:

I feel guilty for asking this, but here goes:

I'm the type of person who is always in a relationship, most of the time they're long term relationships (3+ years), and i've always gravitated towards the predictable and comfortable relationship. The ones where you feel like friends instead of lovers, room mates instead of partners. Sex would happen occasionally, once every week, or once every other week and I wasn't really into it. I loved my partner, but never felt "in love". This all would have been fine for me except i've had a taste of something different recently...

My last long term (3+ year) relationship was sexual, sensual, passionate, and exciting. We felt like lovers, it was romantic and my heart would skip a beat every time I would be with her. It was not nearly as comfortable, but it was satisfying in a way I never thought possible. Sex would happen almost daily, even after 4 years. When we were apart, my body would physically ache. We got along well, I felt "in love" with my partner.

I have the option now to be in a comfortable relationship, or have a passionate, sexual relationship with a person who i find irresistible on a physical level. The problem is, I feel guilty for wanting the physical relationship instead of the comfortable "friendship" style relationship.

If you had the chose, of comfort or passion, what would you choose?

Hold out for both

The only reason to stay away from a passionate relationship is if you are passionately attracted to people who treat you poorly. Sounds like you had a good passionate relationship in the past. Sexual chemistry is the best! (not for everyone) Enjoy it. Good sexual chemistry is a part of how you would like a relationship function. Do that.

Neither relationship is right, but might be right for right now.

Let go of the outcome, enjoy the moment. For many that concept leads to hedonism. I challenge you to behave as if no relationship ever will be The One. Who are you? How does your behavior reflect your character? Do that.

oops duplicate

If you had the chose, of comfort or passion, what would you choose?

I like having passion, comfort, and love. With the same person.

You must be a Libra male, lol

Honestly, passion can die. Then what?

It's easy to pick the sexual relationship, but does that offer you everything else you want?

I have been through enough that I'd take the comfort and always strive to keep things spicy

to build the passion.

Why didn't the passionate relationship last? Did she break up with you?

The one where you feel the romantic/sexual chemistry with the other person is preferable. You should be attracted to the person you're with. Though I'd venture to say that you'll want to wait for someone who gives you both.

I've been single for a while. Took time to grow, learn about myself, and have given it some time. I'm 35 now and know better about myself and what makes me happy. These are two women i've dated many years ago. Didn't end on bad terms, we parted ways after college and now I find myself in a situation where we are all single and I can date one, or the other. (I will NOT date multiple people at once). From my past experience I have a good idea how each relationship will go:

The comfortable relationship is average. Sex is rarely very satisfying, conversation is good, we share the same goals and values, and friends/family are supportive/loving and easy going. This relationship is comfortable and "goes with the flow", however it became very boring when we dated.

The passionate relationship is volatile. Higher highs and lower lows. Sex can be mind blowing, happens frequently, you feel the spark here. Conversation is fun, we shared the same values and sense of humor, a lot of laughter, and a lot of arguing. However this person can be tough at times, "pushy" when she doesn't get her way. Family and friends are also more "tough" and less loving/easy to get along with. I can find comfort with this person, but historically i've never been 100% comfortable due to the volatility in the relationship.

I want to give one of these relationships another chance, and hopefully lead to marriage. To me, i want the best of both worlds; romance and complete comfort. After feeling the spark with someone, it's hard to go back to a relationship that feels like a friendship even if it's more comforting.

You don't have to choose between stable and passionate.

I don't understand that thinking.

Sexual chemistry isn't synonymous with relationship instability.

I feel like you need to reevaluate your mindset if you think that. Why not work towards both? Maintaining sexual chemistry into a LTR just takes a little effort.