Tough year. Leaving it all behind. Who knows what the future holds?

Its been an interesting year. My emotions have been all over the place, in part due to my ex.

Broke up December 2016. NIC for several months and she would reach out every couple of months. That she missed me. That she loved me. This ended in June when she initiated hooking up over a week or two. Then she broke it off again.

4 Months later of NC(about a month ago), she reached out again. Said she had something she needed to give to me. I waited a day, and then I guess I got curious, so I agreed to meet her after work on the Friday. We met up at a bar, and she walked in, and her face lit up. She gave me a big hug, and then sat next to me. We were facing each other, and she sat so close our legs were basically intertwined. We caught up for a bit, and then she brought up our past relationship. She apologized for her part, and gave her reasons for why she was the way she was, in such a way like we could make it work. I told her it didnt matter because her family did not approve (We argued on the phone during our breakup and they thought we were bad for eachother as a result). Her response was that if they saw she was happy, they would be happy in time. she was touchy feely the whole time. Kept on touching my face, saying she missed it. We talked more, and eventually I asked if she was seeing someone. She said yes, that she had been dating someone for about 6 weeks. I told her I was happy for her. After about two hours and two drinks, I told her I had to leave, as I had plans. We walked out together, and she asked if I could wait with her for her taxi to arrive. We were standing outside, and she kept on hugging me, telling me that I smelt so good and that she missed my scent. Then she came in for a third hug and kissed me. I kissed her back and we embraced like that for about 10 seconds. I disengaged and she said 'whoops, that just happened' and tried to laugh it off. Her cab arrived, and she maintained eye contact with me the entire time until the cab drove away.

Thirty minutes later she texted me. It was a strange text. She said 'Would you have babies with me' I responded with: 'If you are asking if I saw a future with you, then yes' and she responded 'okay :) ' I told her I had a good time and said goodnight. Over the next week she texted me every couple of days, even with Good morning texts (Friends dont do that?) and would ask what I was up to, talk about random things.

The next weekend, we arranged to meet up for breakfast on Sunday, and obviously I had no idea what this all was. So we went out for breakfast, and then went for a walk afterwards. Things were a little awkward this time round. I eventually brought up the elephant in the room. I asked if I could ask her a questions. She said yes, and I chickened out and said never mind. She responded with 'I dont know'. I asked her what she thought the question was, and she said 'what is this?'. Bingo.

We proceeded to have a talk, in which she said she was still confused and lost, and needed to work on herself more. That it was obvious we had a crazy connection, or else she would not be here etc etc. I told her that I agree that we do, but if she is seeing someone else, I cant be her friend, and that we should not talk anymore. She agreed. Told me that she thought the same, and she owed it to this guy to give it a chance. She said she wouldn't contact me for 'a while'. I told her not to contact me unless she has figured herself out, and wanted to talk about giving it another go, but that I was not waiting around.

I walked her back to her car, we hugged goodbye and she left. Its now been one month NC, and last week I blocked her from my social media as she kept liking my instagram posts and I felt it was a hook from completely letting go.

So... What is this?

Closure?

Breadcrumbing?

Just a confused individual?

I don't really need advice on going NC, as I have done that, and I have accepted that we are likely not going to get back together. I am actually in an ok place now, and I am happy just working on myself.

My confidants that have helped me through this have said this is not the last I will hear from her.

I guess I just wanted peoples opinions on this, and maybe a female perspective? It just seemed odd after 4 months of NC

*Forgot to add that we were together for two years.

Its been an interesting year. My emotions have been all over the place, in part due to my ex.

 

Broke up December 2016. NIC for several months and she would reach out every couple of months. That she missed me. That she loved me. This ended in June when she initiated hooking up over a week or two. Then she broke it off again.

 

 

4 Months later of NC(about a month ago), she reached out again. Said she had something she needed to give to me. I waited a day, and then I guess I got curious, so I agreed to meet her after work on the Friday. We met up at a bar, and she walked in, and her face lit up. She gave me a big hug, and then sat next to me. We were facing each other, and she sat so close our legs were basically intertwined. We caught up for a bit, and then she brought up our past relationship. She apologized for her part, and gave her reasons for why she was the way she was, in such a way like we could make it work. I told her it didnt matter because her family did not approve (We argued on the phone during our breakup and they thought we were bad for eachother as a result). Her response was that if they saw she was happy, they would be happy in time. she was touchy feely the whole time. Kept on touching my face, saying she missed it. We talked more, and eventually I asked if she was seeing someone. She said yes, that she had been dating someone for about 6 weeks. I told her I was happy for her. After about two hours and two drinks, I told her I had to leave, as I had plans. We walked out together, and she asked if I could wait with her for her taxi to arrive. We were standing outside, and she kept on hugging me, telling me that I smelt so good and that she missed my scent. Then she came in for a third hug and kissed me. I kissed her back and we embraced like that for about 10 seconds. I disengaged and she said 'whoops, that just happened' and tried to laugh it off. Her cab arrived, and she maintained eye contact with me the entire time until the cab drove away.

 

Thirty minutes later she texted me. It was a strange text. She said 'Would you have babies with me' I responded with: 'If you are asking if I saw a future with you, then yes' and she responded 'okay :) ' I told her I had a good time and said goodnight. Over the next week she texted me every couple of days, even with Good morning texts (Friends dont do that?) and would ask what I was up to, talk about random things.

 

The next weekend, we arranged to meet up for breakfast on Sunday, and obviously I had no idea what this all was. So we went out for breakfast, and then went for a walk afterwards. Things were a little awkward this time round. I eventually brought up the elephant in the room. I asked if I could ask her a questions. She said yes, and I chickened out and said never mind. She responded with 'I dont know'. I asked her what she thought the question was, and she said 'what is this?'. Bingo.

 

We proceeded to have a talk, in which she said she was still confused and lost, and needed to work on herself more. That it was obvious we had a crazy connection, or else she would not be here etc etc. I told her that I agree that we do, but if she is seeing someone else, I cant be her friend, and that we should not talk anymore. She agreed. Told me that she thought the same, and she owed it to this guy to give it a chance. She said she wouldn't contact me for 'a while'. I told her not to contact me unless she has figured herself out, and wanted to talk about giving it another go, but that I was not waiting around.

 

I walked her back to her car, we hugged goodbye and she left. Its now been one month NC, and last week I blocked her from my social media as she kept liking my instagram posts and I felt it was a hook from completely letting go.

 

 

So... What is this?

 

Closure?

Breadcrumbing?

Just a confused individual?

 

I don't really need advice on going NC, as I have done that, and I have accepted that we are likely not going to get back together. I am actually in an ok place now, and I am happy just working on myself.

 

My confidants that have helped me through this have said this is not the last I will hear from her.

 

I guess I just wanted peoples opinions on this, and maybe a female perspective? It just seemed odd after 4 months of NC

 

*Forgot to add that we were together for two years.

She sounds poisioness. Some girls just like the feeling of knowing they have some guy wraped around their finger. She only asked you out to play games. You gave her ego a boost. She hadnt heard from you in a few months and got worried you might have moved on with your life. So she asked you out to test the water. You confirmed that you were still into her. She wants you to be pinning away while shes off moving on and getting into a relationship just because it makes her feel good. This is how a selfish person thinks and liking all your posts is her way of making sure that shes still in your head and that you keep getting reminded of her. What a manipulate person. Block her and dont have anything to do with her shes trouble

If she truly wanted to get back together with you she would say it, but maybe she's afraid of the consequences of her actions of getting back together. That would mean she would be vunlrelable and unsure of the future when she gives it up to someone she has been with before and it didn't work out the first time. What is going to happen the second time around, do you see what I am saying?

If she truly wanted to get back together with you she would say it, but maybe she's afraid of the consequences of her actions of getting back together. That would mean she would be vunlrelable and unsure of the future when she gives it up to someone she has been with before and it didn't work out the first time. What is going to happen the second time around, do you see what I am saying?

I completely see what you are saying. I feel the same way. We have amazing chemistry, but we let our insecurities get in the way and hurt each other. I also think we need more time to work on ourselves.

Id get out of there

She is flirting to gain comfort but what has she actually done to improve herself while you have been apart. Why did she break up with you two times and what would be her reason not to so it again.

After four months you should be feeling like you can see things more clearly for what they are, I think her timing is perfect from preventing you getting there. Each time you truly make progress she pops back into your life but from what you just posted no real offers are being made.

Crumbs. Sorry. :-(

This girl is not done with you yet.

But good for you that you said you can't be friends.

Let her learn the consequences of her decision.

You've been broken up long enough that she could have decided to work on getting back with you,

as opposed to contacting you when she's dating another guy.

Just move forward. She wanted to see if the attraction was still there.

It wasn't enough for her to choose you again.

This girl is not done with you yet.

But good for you that you said you can't be friends.

Let her learn the consequences of her decision.

You've been broken up long enough that she could have decided to work on getting back with you,

as opposed to contacting you when she's dating another guy.

Just move forward. She wanted to see if the attraction was still there.

It wasn't enough for her to choose you again.

Yeah, that was my thought too. She cant seem to let go, but at the same time she is hesitant to choose.

She is very immature and needs to grow a whole bunch. She even recognized that.

In some ways, I feel like this was closure for both of us, but at the same time, really get the feeling that you are right, and she is not done yet :/

Id get out of there

She is flirting to gain comfort but what has she actually done to improve herself while you have been apart. Why did she break up with you two times and what would be her reason not to so it again.

After four months you should be feeling like you can see things more clearly for what they are, I think her timing is perfect from preventing you getting there. Each time you truly make progress she pops back into your life but from what you just posted no real offers are being made.

 

Crumbs. Sorry. :-(

Yeah, I feel like it could be crumbs to keep me on the hook. It kinda works, but honestly, a week after this all happened, I realized she didnt choose me when she had the chance, so its over. I finally blocked her, and I am not sitting in a holding pattern anymore. Time to work on me.

I completely see what you are saying. I feel the same way. We have amazing chemistry, but we let our insecurities get in the way and hurt each other. I also think we need more time to work on ourselves.

Go ahead and work on yourselves a bit then. There are so many ways to do so trustyourself !

Thanks for coming back and posting most people just post 1 thread and dissappear. Also thank you for replying to my post.

Ugh, it is her birthday tomorrow, and it has suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks.

Resisting the urge to wish her a Happy Birthday

Stupid thoughts of her celebrating with her new guy.

That I don't even cross her mind anymore.. ugh. Stupid thoughts are just bringing me down today.

Ugh, it is her birthday tomorrow, and it has suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

Resisting the urge to wish her a Happy Birthday

 

Stupid thoughts of her celebrating with her new guy.

 

 

That I don't even cross her mind anymore.. ugh. Stupid thoughts are just bringing me down today.

Don't do it! It's just another day, really. Before you know it, it's over.

I texted friends and face timed on my exe's recent bday because we weren't in contact, and it got me thru

the day easily. Try to do the same.

DonÂ’t worry about it donÂ’t do it ! No contact!!

Thanks everyone. I stayed strong and maintained NC. I kept myself really busy on Saturday and spent all day with friends. It helped distract me and I honestly only thought of her a couple of times.

I appreciate the support!

Its been an interesting year. My emotions have been all over the place, in part due to my ex.

 

Broke up December 2016. NIC for several months and she would reach out every couple of months. That she missed me. That she loved me. This ended in June when she initiated hooking up over a week or two. Then she broke it off again.

 

 

4 Months later of NC(about a month ago), she reached out again. Said she had something she needed to give to me. I waited a day, and then I guess I got curious, so I agreed to meet her after work on the Friday. We met up at a bar, and she walked in, and her face lit up. She gave me a big hug, and then sat next to me. We were facing each other, and she sat so close our legs were basically intertwined. We caught up for a bit, and then she brought up our past relationship. She apologized for her part, and gave her reasons for why she was the way she was, in such a way like we could make it work. I told her it didnt matter because her family did not approve (We argued on the phone during our breakup and they thought we were bad for eachother as a result). Her response was that if they saw she was happy, they would be happy in time. she was touchy feely the whole time. Kept on touching my face, saying she missed it. We talked more, and eventually I asked if she was seeing someone. She said yes, that she had been dating someone for about 6 weeks. I told her I was happy for her. After about two hours and two drinks, I told her I had to leave, as I had plans. We walked out together, and she asked if I could wait with her for her taxi to arrive. We were standing outside, and she kept on hugging me, telling me that I smelt so good and that she missed my scent. Then she came in for a third hug and kissed me. I kissed her back and we embraced like that for about 10 seconds. I disengaged and she said 'whoops, that just happened' and tried to laugh it off. Her cab arrived, and she maintained eye contact with me the entire time until the cab drove away.

 

Thirty minutes later she texted me. It was a strange text. She said 'Would you have babies with me' I responded with: 'If you are asking if I saw a future with you, then yes' and she responded 'okay :) ' I told her I had a good time and said goodnight. Over the next week she texted me every couple of days, even with Good morning texts (Friends dont do that?) and would ask what I was up to, talk about random things.

 

The next weekend, we arranged to meet up for breakfast on Sunday, and obviously I had no idea what this all was. So we went out for breakfast, and then went for a walk afterwards. Things were a little awkward this time round. I eventually brought up the elephant in the room. I asked if I could ask her a questions. She said yes, and I chickened out and said never mind. She responded with 'I dont know'. I asked her what she thought the question was, and she said 'what is this?'. Bingo.

 

We proceeded to have a talk, in which she said she was still confused and lost, and needed to work on herself more. That it was obvious we had a crazy connection, or else she would not be here etc etc. I told her that I agree that we do, but if she is seeing someone else, I cant be her friend, and that we should not talk anymore. She agreed. Told me that she thought the same, and she owed it to this guy to give it a chance. She said she wouldn't contact me for 'a while'. I told her not to contact me unless she has figured herself out, and wanted to talk about giving it another go, but that I was not waiting around.

 

I walked her back to her car, we hugged goodbye and she left. Its now been one month NC, and last week I blocked her from my social media as she kept liking my instagram posts and I felt it was a hook from completely letting go.

 

 

So... What is this?

 

Closure?

Breadcrumbing?

Just a confused individual?

 

I don't really need advice on going NC, as I have done that, and I have accepted that we are likely not going to get back together. I am actually in an ok place now, and I am happy just working on myself.

 

My confidants that have helped me through this have said this is not the last I will hear from her.

 

I guess I just wanted peoples opinions on this, and maybe a female perspective? It just seemed odd after 4 months of NC

 

*Forgot to add that we were together for two years.

Women are emotional creatures. The period of NC probably made her feel like she had lost you and that you didn't care about her, and the fact you willingly met up with her and were open to her advances etc made her feel like in reality, you did care.

To me, it seems as if she was just testing to see if she could have you back if she wanted. Why? Maybe she's just a narcissistic psycho . Maybe her current partner had been neglecting her, or he was away, and she needed some validation - and that once he was back/apologized she didn't need you anymore....

I totally get why you gave in to her advances of intimacy, though I personally would have resisted - or at least not revealed all of my cards right away. Anyone who walks away from a relationship, they themselves have to put in effort to earn another chance with the person they walked away from. They shouldn't be given direct entry back to the person they walked away from, they should expect to have to earn it. I would be mindful of whether I think this girl has done enough to justify another chance with me, you can sure as hell bet she'd be doing the exact same thing if the roles had been reversed.

Keep up the self-improvement/growth and in no time you'll come across someone 10x better than your ex.

Women are emotional creatures. The period of NC probably made her feel like she had lost you and that you didn't care about her, and the fact you willingly met up with her and were open to her advances etc made her feel like in reality, you did care.

 

To me, it seems as if she was just testing to see if she could have you back if she wanted. Why? Maybe she's just a narcissistic psycho . Maybe her current partner had been neglecting her, or he was away, and she needed some validation - and that once he was back/apologized she didn't need you anymore....

 

I totally get why you gave in to her advances of intimacy, though I personally would have resisted - or at least not revealed all of my cards right away. Anyone who walks away from a relationship, they themselves have to put in effort to earn another chance with the person they walked away from. They shouldn't be given direct entry back to the person they walked away from, they should expect to have to earn it. I would be mindful of whether I think this girl has done enough to justify another chance with me, you can sure as hell bet she'd be doing the exact same thing if the roles had been reversed.

 

Keep up the self-improvement/growth and in no time you'll come across someone 10x better than your ex.

You are completely right! Thanks for this. Its so selfish, but I do realize that if she still cared enough, she would be with me.

Its taken me a year, but I am finally seeing the light. I am just annoyed I wasted a year pining after someone who obviously just sees me as a safety net.

As for your last line, I have a ways to go, and while it is hard to see, I hope I can one day meet someone that blows her away!

Trustyourself, I'm not sure how others in this forum will react to my advice.

But if you go to see Corey Wayne's videos on youtube, you'll realise that you brought the "relationship" topic before her, and she probably saw that as a weakness. Things seemed to be going great until that point. If you acted cool and just tried to have fun and talk about fun things during your meet ups, maybe things could have gone the other way. Also, you seemed too available for her and too ken to work things out again. She probably identified this as a wekaness (could or not be related to why she broke up with you) and started to back off again.

"I asked if I could ask her a questions. She said yes, and I chickened out and said never mind. She responded with 'I dont know'. I asked her what she thought the question was, and she said 'what is this?'. Bingo."

This is where you got lost in my opinion. She realised you still have feelings and acted a bit clingy. And you were also insecure about bringing it up, which probably made it worse. I know you were just showing your true feelings, but I'm coming to the realisation this is a huge turn off for women, although they actually say they like guys who talk openly about their emotions. Yeah, maybe to a certain extent, but not too much, and defnitely not when you're trying to rekindle.

Maybe you still got a shot because she might contact you again and I think you had a strong position at the end that might help that happening.

I think she was just testing you on whether you had become (or started acting like) the man she wanted you to be and unfortunately you failed. Whether you want to be or not with a woman who does such tests is up to you. By all women do that, some more, some less, even sub consciously.

I'm not sure why the break up happen, so that might give a better insight if what I said above makes sense.

PS: Just make you take his stuff (and any advice from anyone) with a grain of salt. Not all of his stuff is good and he is a bit of a "pick up artist". This part sucks. But he's really spot on on some things about how woman communicate things and what they expect. Everyone is different, but there are patterns, especially when it comes to attraction. The more available and pursuing you are, the less attractive you are.

Also, he's spot on on a lot of things about how to let go from a break up, let go of attachment for outcomes and having a focus on the now. I can see he takes some teachings from Budhism there.

I don't agree with Morello's advice from Corey Wayne, no offence :) Sure use those for when you're trying to catch someone at the start. But I think if he has to use game playing for someone he already has been in a relationship with, it's a lost cause. I think trustyourself you have handled yourself really well.

She's seeing someone else! And then messaging you after ages and meeting up with you. And then backing off. It's just so all over the place, she doesn't know what she wants and you've worked hard to get where you are at now. I think you're probably a catch and allowing yourself the freedom from her is the best thing you can do.

Agreed, she doesn't know what she wants so leave her alone to figure it out. She'll be back but don't wait it could be awhile. Forget about the coaches and the games. Let her come to you since she's confused and evaluate her as someone new ask yourself would I want to date this person?

Thanks everyone for the feedback. I agree, she definitely does not know what she wants. That helps me though, as why would I be with someone who is not 100 percent sure they want to be with me.

I survived Christmas and New Years, maintained NC, and feel good about making progress in 2018.

I am going to heal and let go of all this, and move forward. If she ever reaches out again, and wants to give it a go, I will give it some thought, and see if we are even compatible anymore. A new start. Or maybe I will tell her to take a hike. :)

Well done Trustyourself.

This looks like significant progress. Keep it up :)

Good Job Trust yourself. I know Christmas and NY can be a touch over done so it is a distraction to say the least. I truly wish you the best in all of your future interactions with her or anyone else that you choose to chase. xlolx