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Is he really even interested? Please help.


xcookie7x

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I am really torn on what to do. I know I'm emotional at times and I don't know if this is honestly a problem or if it's all in my own head and I'm making a big deal out of nothing..

 

Long story short I've been dating this guy for months now. He seemed head over heels for me. He brought up wanting to be exclusive, saying that other girls just don't do it for him. And he's only been seeing me. So, I agreed saying that I'd only date him and see where it takes us. As we both are so crazy over each other and so similar it's eerie lol. Each time we see one another we seem to get closer and bond better, however his texting has slowed down a lot almost to a hault. He has said to me that he is a horrible texter and hates it and when I have been with him in person he's opened texts from friends that were sent weeks ago, so I'm assuming he is being honest about that.

 

So, I have been the one to initiate pretty much all of the conversation when we're apart now. He did text me asking how my Thanksgiving was. And he texted me two days ago when he was really excited to show me music he has been working on. (He does it in his free time).. When I see him in person everything seems great, I've met all his family and best friends and his coworkers. He's thrown out ideas in person of things we have to do and taking me to the city. Invited me to join him at his friends band practice with all the guys. And he insists on paying for everything. Also, takes pictures of us whenever we're together and posts them to the public for everyone to see and will caption it "his girl".. I've asked him a week ago if he's only dating me because I want to make sure I'm on the same page as him and he said "of course i'm only dating you." Also I know this might sound stupid but on snapchat we both are rated as talking to one another the most, meaning he sends me pictures more than anyone else on there and you can't fake that so I mean I do think he is very much into me..

 

The thing is, I'm always the one to initiate. On our first 2 dates he asked to see me. Now I'm always the one asking to see him and setting up actual days. Is this a big deal? Am I overthinking? Everything else seems great in person. He makes moves and seems to try taking it to the next level bit by bit. But when it isn't face to face I rarely ever get a text from him. And he never asks to see me, it's always me asking. It's confusing me because when we do see one another he's so romantic and sweet and will be a gentlemen and doesn't "hide" me from anyone he's totally open about me. Today I texted him asking if he wants to hang out for Monday (that's always his day off) and he hasn't replied yet and it's been about 3 hours. And he's not working today.

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well you don't think it's a problem that I always have to be the one to set up actual days to see him, too? I'm hoping he says yes to seeing me this Monday. It feels weird being the one to always have to set up an actual day because I don't want to be bothering him or annoying. But then in person he always seems really happy.

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well you don't think it's a problem that I always have to be the one to set up actual days to see him, too? I'm hoping he says yes to seeing me this Monday. It feels weird being the one to always have to set up an actual day because I don't want to be bothering him or annoying. But then in person he always seems really happy.

 

This is a problem.

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oh wow, we are on the same boat. I was asking the same question. There are some differences though. 1. We only start dating for a month. 2. No one knows about us yet, and he refused to meet up with my friends, quoting he is a shy person and not comfortable with strangers. He does not use Facebook/on social media.

Here are the similarities:

1. He's not big on keeping communication between dates. He will send Good night text every night but that's it. He will reply my texts if I initiated. Otherwise, nothing. But when we see each other, we have a good time. He explained he is not big on texting. And he prefers spending time in person.

 

2. He used to se up the next date at the end of the date, until last week ,he stopped doing that after our Monday date, and I had to ask if we were seeing on Thursday. He said yes. But the fact that I had to ask bothered me. Then, on Thursday, he didn't set up the next date again, and I decided to not ask him either because I don't like this to become a pattern. I spent my whole weekend feeling anxious and keep looking forward to his texts. It sucks! However, he ended up texting me on Sunday to ask to meet on Monday. I hate the way it was so when we met on Monday, I brought this up. And he explained that because we have been seeing every Mondays, and Wed/Thus like a clockwise for a month now, he assumed that it is our schedule (?!). Unless we need to make different arrangements.

 

I don't know if it is what your guy is thnking as well?

 

Another thing I want to ask is, what do you guys do on the dates? Reason is because people on here are saying that it sounds like he is just using me for sex because we hang out at his house for most of the dates. I was bothered by that and brought the issue up yesterday. He said I have been overthinking a lot of things, and a couple should be doing what they feel comfortable with. In our case, means chilling at home (Coz we both have demanding job, not a party/bar type of person, and due to schedule, can not meet up on weekends unless planing in advance).

 

I wish I could give you a definite answer. But girl, I am just as confused as you are. I can only tell you what my guy explained to me coz maybe they have the same mindset. But to say if he is interested or just making up excuses, I have no idea...

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I just don't know what to do because as of now we're "exclusively" seeing one another. Which is fine, in person it's great. I know all his friends and family and I've gone to family events and all of that. It's just I have to be the one to ask to see him. Like assuming he is truthfully only seeing me, why not ask to see me yknow.. His friends told me he was badly hurt because he was engaged and cheated on. A couple years ago. I just don't know what to do because I really like him and want it to work and he says the same to me. And when it's in person it's great. And literally anytime I ask "Hey are you still only dating me? No pressure just want to keep up." He'll say of course...

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oh wow, we are on the same boat. I was asking the same question. There are some differences though. 1. We only start dating for a month. 2. No one knows about us yet, and he refused to meet up with my friends, quoting he is a shy person and not comfortable with strangers. He does not use Facebook/on social media.

Here are the similarities:

1. He's not big on keeping communication between dates. He will send Good night text every night but that's it. He will reply my texts if I initiated. Otherwise, nothing. But when we see each other, we have a good time. He explained he is not big on texting. And he prefers spending time in person.

 

2. He used to se up the next date at the end of the date, until last week ,he stopped doing that after our Monday date, and I had to ask if we were seeing on Thursday. He said yes. But the fact that I had to ask bothered me. Then, on Thursday, he didn't set up the next date again, and I decided to not ask him either because I don't like this to become a pattern. I spent my whole weekend feeling anxious and keep looking forward to his texts. It sucks! However, he ended up texting me on Sunday to ask to meet on Monday. I hate the way it was so when we met on Monday, I brought this up. And he explained that because we have been seeing every Mondays, and Wed/Thus like a clockwise for a month now, he assumed that it is our schedule (?!). Unless we need to make different arrangements.

 

I don't know if it is what your guy is thnking as well?

 

Another thing I want to ask is, what do you guys do on the dates? Reason is because people on here are saying that it sounds like he is just using me for sex because we hang out at his house for most of the dates. I was bothered by that and brought the issue up yesterday. He said I have been overthinking a lot of things, and a couple should be doing what they feel comfortable with. In our case, means chilling at home (Coz we both have demanding job, not a party/bar type of person, and due to schedule, can not meet up on weekends unless planing in advance).

 

I wish I could give you a definite answer. But girl, I am just as confused as you are. I can only tell you what my guy explained to me coz maybe they have the same mindset. But to say if he is interested or just making up excuses, I have no idea...

 

If you are dating at his home, he is using you for sex. Obviously, you are not comfortable with it, and he tried to make you feel bad about it. One does not have to be a partier to go to dinner, events..... These are excuses.

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I just don't know what to do because as of now we're "exclusively" seeing one another. Which is fine, in person it's great. I know all his friends and family and I've gone to family events and all of that. It's just I have to be the one to ask to see him. Like assuming he is truthfully only seeing me, why not ask to see me yknow.. His friends told me he was badly hurt because he was engaged and cheated on. A couple years ago. I just don't know what to do because I really like him and want it to work and he says the same to me. And when it's in person it's great. And literally anytime I ask "Hey are you still only dating me? No pressure just want to keep up." He'll say of course...

 

Does not matter. he is not asking you out!!!!! Stop asking him out. If he likes you, he would want to see you in his free time! Ladies, wake up!!!!

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Unless your guy does not have a car he should be taking you out. My guy doesn't even have a car and he will pay to uber us into the city and everything. That's why I am so confused. Maybe he is afraid of rejection and is letting me take the lead now that we have been getting more emotionally connected. Because on our first date he was like "I had an amazing time maybe we can do something else if you ever want to see me again." He was kind of joking but you could tell he was also serious lol..

 

I don't think he assumes we have a schedule really. He has told me Monday works best. He works weekends and I know for a fact that's not a lie and I work nights so weekends are not possible for us right now but Monday is our day off. I asked him this and said I want to try seeing him more often and he got so excited in person about it. But then he waits for me to set it up and initiate. And it's not like he's talking to a bunch of other girls and seeing them. He lets me use his phone all the time. And on snapchat we both talk to eachother more than anyone else. I know that's stupid sounding but if he wanted to be sneaky about it, snapchat would be the way to go lol...

 

so I don't know I'm conflicted. I know he sucks at texting. its more the initiating thing that bothers me. but at the same time I do know hes afraid to be hurt again since he was engaged and cheated on. hes told me hes over it. and like I said in person he goes all out. sooo its very weird.

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well I only asked because I had barely heard from him then lol... like I said. if I don't set up an actual day he wont do it. he did it the first date. and the second. but that's it. since then I have had to do it. and I will wait. and he will text me here and there and still say hes only seeing me. but will not set an actual day.

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well I only asked because I had barely heard from him then lol... like I said. if I don't set up an actual day he wont do it. he did it the first date. and the second. but that's it. since then I have had to do it. and I will wait. and he will text me here and there and still say hes only seeing me. but will not set an actual day.

 

He is clearly showing that he does not care about you, or he would want to set something up. UGH!

 

I don't know how many ways, I can say this. Only look at people's actions. DO NOT ASK HIM OUT AGAIN, AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

 

And stop waiting on this guy. You have made yourself, waaaaaaay too available. Honestly, I would not have a lot of respect for someone that put their life on hold for me.

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When i date i date multiple people. I only am staying exclusive because he asked and every time i see him he ends up saying it to me without me asking. I think hes very insecure. I will refrain from asking to see him for a few weeks and see if he asks to see me. I just feel bad because if i go on other dates i feel like im lying but i guess if hes not wanting to see me bad enough it shouldn't matter. I guess im too nice i care about people easily. I'll stop asking to see him and see if he says anything.

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I think you are making excuses, and he is playing you.

 

Sure, he doesn't want you to date others, he has an easy situation going here: a woman that does all the work. Not many would put up with this crap. I wouldn't. Words mean nothing!

 

This is not about being nice, but low self esteem. Please expect more from the people you date.

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If you are dating at his home, he is using you for sex. Obviously, you are not comfortable with it, and he tried to make you feel bad about it. One does not have to be a partier to go to dinner, events..... These are excuses.

 

To be honest I was ok with that because I am a chilling-at-home kind of person too. When I brought it up, he agreed we will go out if that makes me feel better. So he told me just tell him what I like to do on dates.

The problem is he avoids social events with my friends, quoting he is shy and not comfortable being around strangers. I don't know should I push for this given we only know for a month....

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Why is he not putting ANY effort into the dates? Why is this up to you?

 

Why are you considering a future with someone who refuses to meet your friends and do social things? This is strange! Does he have friends? There are so many red flags here!

 

Want more for yourself!

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You barely know this guy and you are already exclusive, and doing all of the work. You should be going out and getting to know one another. He should be excited about making plans and seeing you.

 

If he is this weird now, I can only imagine what things would be like six months down the road. Many red flags.

 

Honey, you can't be that separate to date.

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You really need to stop asking him out! I made the same mistake in my last relationship, and it went from him asking me out which felt so good to me doing all the asking, because I was afraid if I didn't he wouldn't have asked and I would have ended up staying home. It didn't do anything beneficial for me, I never knew if he was hanging out with me out of obligation or because he wanted to.... In short, it is a much better feeling when they do the asking (at least the majority of the time).

Also, by stepping back you will see if his actions match his words, and his level of interest.

Trust me on this one....stop doing the asking and soon you'll be able to gauge for yourself how interested he is.

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You really need to stop asking him out! I made the same mistake in my last relationship, and it went from him asking me out which felt so good to me doing all the asking, because I was afraid if I didn't he wouldn't have asked and I would have ended up staying home. It didn't do anything beneficial for me, I never knew if he was hanging out with me out of obligation or because he wanted to.... In short, it is a much better feeling when they do the asking (at least the majority of the time).

Also, by stepping back you will see if his actions match his words, and his level of interest.

Trust me on this one....stop doing the asking and soon you'll be able to gauge for yourself how interested he is.

 

This... although I don't need them to do all or even the majority of the asking, but for me it needs to be balanced. I did this with a guy I was head over heels with, we dated for around 3 months and I did most of the initiating of contact and asking to see him, because he made me feel so good, because I liked him so much and because I felt empowered to be the one in charge, but eventually it got old being the only one reaching out... and after I stopped, just like everyone said would happen, I stopped hearing from him except once in a blue moon.

 

One thing I do need to say is... it doesn't mean they don't care, or are bad people, or are using us... but we do get to decide what we want from a relationship, and being true to our values makes us high value.

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Did he end up reaching out when you took a step back? Thats what im afraid of. Because ive been doing the setting up im afraid if i just go cold on him he'll think I'M ghosting him or lost interest or something. I'm supposed to see him monday so that hopefully goes well. He said yes. See thats another thing, when i see him monday he will pay for everything no questions asked. Everytime i see him he pays for my gas money, food and drinks, takes me shopping etc. Its just the fact he's leaving it up to me to ask that is weird to me. And its not like hes working a good paying job and is rich and can throw money around. He works the same job as my dad and its barely enough money sometimes.

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Yes its funny you say that because he was soo into me and then after we both had a talk of being exclusive and what not he stopped asking and more so was just always saying yes. He still has to buy tickets for a concert we're seeing together. And he bought season passes for six flags for us (not cheap!) and its not like hes rich. So its not like hes careless about me. Hence my confusion. He just always waits for me to ask about a day. Maybe its truthfully not a big deal. He does everything else i could possibly want. Maybe he wants me taking the lead this time in fear of being hurt like his past. Im not saying everyone is wrong!!! I just like to consider all possibilities.

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Yes its funny you say that because he was soo into me and then after we both had a talk of being exclusive and what not he stopped asking and more so was just always saying yes. He still has to buy tickets for a concert we're seeing together. And he bought season passes for six flags for us (not cheap!) and its not like hes rich. So its not like hes careless about me. Hence my confusion. He just always waits for me to ask about a day. Maybe its truthfully not a big deal. He does everything else i could possibly want. Maybe he wants me taking the lead this time in fear of being hurt like his past. Im not saying everyone is wrong!!! I just like to consider all possibilities.

 

Okay. So you just excused away everything. You didn't listen to a word that was said.

 

What does being hurt in the past, have to do with contacting you and asking you out? You really need to address your self esteem issues.

 

Why don't you not contact him, then you will see if he values you, or not. I think you already know the answer that is why you are going to continue to chase him.

 

He can use the passes with anyone.

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