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Thread: Only on the second date and she wants me to spend all weekend at her house

  1. #1

    Only on the second date and she wants me to spend all weekend at her house

    Hi All,

    So i went on a date recently with a lass i met on an online dating site. The date went so well, it was like we have known each other longer!! I really do like this girl but in some of our phone conversations i have told her about my past experiences with how women seem to move really quick with me and no word of a lie by the third date usually i get a "i love you". So she at the start was agreeing with me and saying she doesnt see point in rushing and that love takes time to grow, she even used to make jokes about it saying how on third date it'll be a moving van, 4th date marriage etc..

    Thing is now she keeps telling me how special i am to her and told me she does have strong feelings for me, I was supposed to be going to her house for 1 night saturday to sunday this weekend (as she lives a 3 hour train journey away from me). Now its somehow turned into friday night through to monday night. I am one of these people who doesnt like to hurt anothers feelings so i have agreed but feel for a second date spending all weekend cooped up at her place a bit too much, does anyone else think this is a bit full on for a second date?
    Like when she tells me im perfect etc i keep trying to gently bring her back to reality by saying things like "wait until you fully get to know me" but its like she doesn't see this.
    She has already made jokes about meeting her family and even had me on speakerphone with her and her mother, i didnt realise when i rang until her mum started joining in on our conversation.

    I just dont know how to explain to her that i feel this is all moving way too fast....

  2. #2
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    Too much too soon!
    This is borderline desperation.
    If you're not comfortable with it, don't do it.
    Be honest and tell her why.
    You might find after 24 hours together you want to leave, never mind 4 full days of it.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Far too much and way too fast, no wonder you already feel suffocated. Gently let her down and tell her that you feel it's too fast and you don't want to spend the weekend on a second date!!

    Why force yourself? It won't make anyone happy. I doubt she'd feel good to know that the man she spent the weekend with was forced and you will feel trapped. Just be honest.

    You must have lots of charm going on for these women to be at your feet like this...wow. What's your secret?

  4. #4
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    I agree this is too much for a second date. Of course, I think it's really bad form to be telling a girl on the first date what your dating experiences have been like. You want to make her feel special, like she's the only girl in your world. But I think you need to tell her that you just can't make the long weekend. That you have to do this, or you have to do that. And you probably need to slow things down. She's trying to go all in on you on only the second date! You need more time to get to know her (and see if she's crazy or not). You also should try to find people who live closer to you. A 3-hour journey makes a real relationship very difficult. You need more people time to figure her out.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member greta96's Avatar
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    I agree with the others, she is too full-on and that raises the question: why? Is she that desperate? Does she have no sense of personal safety? Is she going to be a cling-on going forward and expect you to spend ALL your free time with her?
    I'm sure you have lots of great qualities, but only after one date she can't possibly know you well enough to appreciate them, so then, what is hiding underneath her eagerness?

    I wouldn't be comfortable with this, at all.

    I think you should be very honest with her and tell her exactly what you told us. Don't make up an excuse as to why you won't spend the whole weekend with her (i.e. don't tell her something came up, or you had forgotten you had other plans, etc), because that won't help at all, she will just want to do the same the following weekend. Tell her the truth, that you don't feel comfortable with spending that much time together at her place yet and that you prefer the first few dates to be on neutral territory until you get to know each other better and see if you're a good fit first.
    If she has a problem with it, you two may not be on the same page after all and you both may need to keep searching.
    You need to set your boundaries from the very beginning, because if you bend them now you will never be able to recover from it. Forget about not hurting her feelings, it's not like you won't still have the date with her, but worry about yourself first and what you want out of this. If you create a precedent, you won't be able to live it down.

    Also, be careful and watch her actions, not words. Just like on your first date she was quick to "agree" with you regarding not moving too fast, even though she obviously is the type who moves too fast, she may once again agree with you now just to keep you around, but that won't mean she does it because she genuinely believes in taking things slow. So watch her behavior for the next month or so, and if there are no more red flags then great, but I'm afraid there will be more.

  7. #6
    Thanks everyone for your replies.

    I spoke to her yesterday about it over the phone. Told her that i feel that spending all weekend at her place is too much too soon. And that its been making me anxious about the whole thing as it is only our second date. She told me to do whatever i feel comfortable with...I repeated myself about how its all too much for a second date and that we really ought to get to know one another first and asked if she understood that, she told me she totally gets it....

    Thing is this week i have been getting up at 4am to go to work as i work funny shifts and i dont know if she is setting her alarm to just reply to me at 4am but whenever i send a response in next 5 mins she sends me a message...

    I'm a bit scared now tbh, right now my feelings are should i just change my number and just stop this now before it gets even worse cos like the previous poster said i also feel there are gonna be more red flags.....Thing is im not the type of person to just randomly dissapear from someones life without a reason but i feel i just cant explain to her the issue as i dont think she understands.

    What do you guys think? Should i go on the second date (which is now just spending a night at hers as she lives so far away) or just change my number?

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    Originally Posted by hoggy5221
    Thanks everyone for your replies.

    I spoke to her yesterday about it over the phone. Told her that i feel that spending all weekend at her place is too much too soon. And that its been making me anxious about the whole thing as it is only our second date. She told me to do whatever i feel comfortable with...I repeated myself about how its all too much for a second date and that we really ought to get to know one another first and asked if she understood that, she told me she totally gets it....

    Thing is this week i have been getting up at 4am to go to work as i work funny shifts and i dont know if she is setting her alarm to just reply to me at 4am but whenever i send a response in next 5 mins she sends me a message...

    I'm a bit scared now tbh, right now my feelings are should i just change my number and just stop this now before it gets even worse cos like the previous poster said i also feel there are gonna be more red flags.....Thing is im not the type of person to just randomly dissapear from someones life without a reason but i feel i just cant explain to her the issue as i dont think she understands.

    What do you guys think? Should i go on the second date (which is now just spending a night at hers as she lives so far away) or just change my number?
    If something doesn't feel right, it's because it isn't.

    Don't change your number yet. If you want to cancel and break this off, do it.
    Give her an reason, and if she accepts it, you're in the clear.
    If not, and she harasses you, then block.
    Changing your number is drastic. She may go away peacefully. Good luck.

  9. #8
    Right so i decided to stop over the night as i did speak to her about it saying how its too soon to be spending a whole 4 days with her.
    Turned out i had a great time and whilst i was with her there was none of this rushing feeling as i was getting before, until i left her place and headed for home...she basically asked me to be her gf via text. At the time i was still on a high from the good time i had with her as it really felt like we knew each other a lot longer so i said yes.
    Then from last tuesday i noticed she started to become a lot more distant towards me, not asking me for any phone calls where as before she would always be asking if i had the chance. Came thursday and friday and i didnt hear anything from her at all, so i asked her to at least let me know she is alright, she told me "sorry ive been busy and i've had to go round to someones house" i asked who is it and she told me her ex gf... so i just simply put "right i think i know where this is going now"...
    After another day she responded telling me i was right in thinking where it was going and that she thought she was over her ex but when she saw her it all came back to her, she kissed her ex and told me it wasnt one sided (baring in mind i was technically her gf at the time) but said nothing else happened, then was saying how she would love for me to be still part of her life as i am perfect and so beautiful....

    Initially i refused and told her where to go but now i've found im messaging her again and shes telling me shes not back with her ex but could be but doesnt know what she wants or what shes doing, i just cannot seem to stop responding to her cos she is the first person i've felt so much attraction and excitment for and i've been through my fair share...

    I know what your all going to say to block her etc, but i dont want to right now incase it is me she wants...

    Wow tables have turned now since my first post havent they...


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