Is it weird that as a guy I like to become best friends before lovers

I’ve noticed that with girls that I REALLY like, I truly want to start off as friends. The first few months I don’t even think about them sexually. (After a few months I tend to wander off in thought.) But when I really like a girl I want her to be my best friend before anything else. Before I kiss a girl I want to feel like we are really close as friends and ready to become more. I feel like with most girls it doesn’t work like that because I lose the mysterious points which are pretty important when dating and getting a girl to stay interested in you. I was really close friends with a girl for 1 year (no touching, kissing) before we finally had sex and lost our virginities when we were 18. We had sex the same night we kissed for the first time. We finally had a place to ourselves so I took advantage of the moment. It was amazing because of how long we waited. We never talked about waiting. I just never made the move and she was shy. Plus we hardly saw each other. She ended up leaving me 6 months after the sex. She told me she lost the “spark” and ended up dating her 34 year old high school track coach... she never told me she loved me though. We are still close friends even though it’s been 4 years since our breakup.. so my question is, is starting off as friends first and later becoming lovers a bad way to go? What’s wrong with being in the friend zone? I’m confident that I can go from friend zone to sex zone when I’m ready and feel like she’s ready.

Friends first is a great way to go. I am very similar to you in that way. I have to be very very close with a woman before sex.

I might progress a bit over the friend time and not just go from first kiss to first time having sex in the same night though.

But nothing at all wrong with being friends first.

Leaving you for a teaching is pretty messed up though...

Sure, just remember though that if you continue acting like a "friend" that is what you will become....

not at all weird.

one of the most sexual men i know is also this way.

I would also like to add that I think it is pretty good that you are not trying to be overly aggressive in perusing women sexually like most guys....I do not as well and I think women find that somewhat refreshing....

Just be honest though in that you are not just wanting to be just friends, but would like to get to know each other more naturally without any pressure and see what happens....

Now, I would like to add a bit of a twist though. When trying to be friends, I would stay away from being a "girlfriend" or the gay-male-girlfriend therapist That right there will just get you "friend-zoned"

It is also perfectly fine to be just friends with attractive women and just want to be friends...I also have some very attractive female friends that I am not pursuing and anytime we would go out together they would try and hook me up with their hot girlfriends or other girls at the bar or wherever So you really can't lose

Here is a different take for you. I'll only be just friends with a guy I'm not physically attracted to. Meaning that he will never ever leave the friendzone. To me, physical attraction is either there or isn't. It doesn't grow. When a guy is interested in more, but pretends to be my buddy for a long time and then suddenly comes out with wanting more or worse, tries to make some move on me physically, I feel both betrayed and disgusted. Fortunately, with more life experience under my belt I can now identify fairly easily these kind of men who will use friendships as a way to worm their way in and I can send them packing early on.

If you want a date, then be honest. As for friendship, of course friendship is a big part of a good relationship. However, friendship, sexual connection, emotional connection - all these things develop simultaneously, not as disparate parts.

Sorry this happens to you. However the friendzone and danger of staying that way are closely linked. She starts viewing as a male galpal rather than a romantic interest. Pace yourself, fine but keep it in the dating-zone.

What’s wrong with being in the friend zone?

She shows clear signs that she’s attracted to me. Even told me she had an intimate dream with me and we teased about it.. I too know when a women is attracted to me or not. I realized that I don’t want to lose her friendship over a rushed relationship. Most relationships don’t work out and I’ve been friends with her for 2 years (mostly online because she had a bf when we first met) she flat out told me I’m attractive too and I tell her she’s beautiful every few weeks. I’m just not pursuing her in a sexual manner. My intention is to take things very slow and see if we’d work out in a relationship before rushing into one. I value our friendship. We connect very well. Better than anyone I’ve ever connected with.

If she's attracted to you, you will come out of the friendzone, no problem. You're smart to take it slow.

Being friends with girls/women when you are young usually is not a big deal and you can go from friends to more.

As you get older, become an adult and meet women being their friend and then trying for more after a period of time is usually a recipe for disaster.

Women know if they like you pretty quickly and if you wait on showing you like them and be their friend they will lose interest or feel deceived by you, as mentioned above...

I wish you luck

I’ve noticed that with girls that I REALLY like, I truly want to start off as friends. The first few months I don’t even think about them sexually. (After a few months I tend to wander off in thought.) But when I really like a girl I want her to be my best friend before anything else. Before I kiss a girl I want to feel like we are really close as friends and ready to become more. I feel like with most girls it doesn’t work like that because I lose the mysterious points which are pretty important when dating and getting a girl to stay interested in you. I was really close friends with a girl for 1 year (no touching, kissing) before we finally had sex and lost our virginities when we were 18. We had sex the same night we kissed for the first time. We finally had a place to ourselves so I took advantage of the moment. It was amazing because of how long we waited. We never talked about waiting. I just never made the move and she was shy. Plus we hardly saw each other. She ended up leaving me 6 months after the sex. She told me she lost the “spark” and ended up dating her 34 year old high school track coach... she never told me she loved me though. We are still close friends even though it’s been 4 years since our breakup.. so my question is, is starting off as friends first and later becoming lovers a bad way to go? What’s wrong with being in the friend zone? I’m confident that I can go from friend zone to sex zone when I’m ready and feel like she’s ready.

When i met my guy, he stated on his profile that he was looking for a relationship but it was "friends first" - meaning that he didn't want to jump in the sack - he wants to know someone, etc. But the fact of the matter is we were both looking for a relationship.

I think that is the approach you should take rather than "she has to be my best friend before she graduates to girlfriend". No woman with good boundaries wants to start a friendship with a guy hoping it will turn to more. They want to meet someone who also wants a long term relationship, eventual marrriage, or if they are only after casual dating - dating.

I was really close friends with a girl for 1 year (no touching, kissing) before we finally had sex and lost our virginities when we were 18. We had sex the same night we kissed for the first time. We finally had a place to ourselves so I took advantage of the moment. It was amazing because of how long we waited. We never talked about waiting. I just never made the move and she was shy. Plus we hardly saw each other. She ended up leaving me 6 months after the sex. S

The problem here is that you were "just friends". You didn't talk about "waiting" because you were "just friends" and not in a relationship. You had a passionate moment that just sort of happened and she likely broke up with you because you were a good friend but you weren't boyfriend material for her. She lost the spark because you either weren't right for eachother (you were fine to be friends, but not more) or it ran its course.

Being "best friends" before turning it into a relationship does not protect you from a breakup. In fact, many people comment here that they don't want to "ruin" a friendship, date a friend, then lose a friend.

Sorry this happens to you. However the friendzone and danger of staying that way are closely linked. She starts viewing as a male galpal rather than a romantic interest. Pace yourself, fine but keep it in the dating-zone

Totally agree with this. If I meet a guy and I'm not sure and I'm not sure that HES interested because he acts like just a friend, I will throw him in the forever friends pile.

If I know he's interested and conveys he wants to get to know me and see if we are compatible romantically, that's the way to go.

My boyfriend and I were friends for 20 years before we started dating. It's not that there wasn't mutual interest, but for one reason or another, a relationship between us wasn't practical until we were in our mid-30s. When we started the relationship, we both had a pretty good idea of what we were getting into. When he made up his mind, he legit courted me. This is by far the best relationship I have ever been in, and I intend to stay with this guy for the rest of my life.

Wow that’s amazing! That’s a true relationship! The reason I choose to first be friends is because I want a partner that I can feel like I will always have fun with and someone who I can share similar interests with. The butterfly’s stage always ends and that’s when you better hope you and your partner enjoy each other’s presence. I was in a 5 year relationships and there came a point where I loved my gf but I did not have fun with her. I would constantly make excuses to hangout with my boys. Her and I were great lovers, but we did not share much in common at all.