Boyfriend hasn't visited me in the hospital

Ok, so I have a question about a currebt situation. I an not sure if I am over reacting. I have been in the hospital for the last month. My boyfriend of 16 months has come to see ne 2x. He has made plans to come see me but somethibg always pops up that causes him to cancel. The hospital is about 3 hours away and he recently started a new job so he cant take time off during the week to come but he hasnt come over and of the 4 weekends i have been here. This past weekend, the excuse he used was he didn't have the gas money to drive down. I am 36 and he is 40. It probably costs about 50 bucks to drive here. He claims that if ge had it he would come. Am I being insensative to his financial situation by being hurt he hasnt come? If the roles were reveresed I would be bending over backwords to scrownge up the money to come but he just wont. Am i overreacting?

If my boyfriend was in the hospital, I would visit him. Three hours is very far, but I would figure something out for the weekends.

Sorry you've been in hospital so long, hope you get better soon.

Illness is one of the quick indicators as to where a relationship is at. You have to consider if you are happy with his performance while you are sick, because as humans we get sick and our partners are supposed to be there for us.

He could get public transport once per week, he could eat cheaply or go without something in order to make up the $50. I would certainly do that.

It depends.

Seeing as he is just starting out a new job, is he low on money? What does he end up doing if he doesn't come to see you? If he is only sleeping or resting? perhaps his new job is already wearing him out? Does he find hospitals anxiety provoking at all? Does he still phone or text you all the time to give you love and support even if he can't be there?

There might be more to him not coming than the fact that he is just being irresponsible, though missing 4 weekends is a lot.

Why are you in the hospital? How much longer are you in for? Personally, I think it's pretty decent he's made a 6-hour round trip for you twice in the past month, especially if he's got plenty going on himself financially and with the new job. But to me a lot depends on the severity of your illness.

If I loved someone I would be there no matter what I had to do.

Sorry you are in the hospital. Is it a long distance relationship? Why are you hospitalized so far away? How often can family and friends visit you? Given the distance, his new job/financials could you accept every other weekend?

I have been in the hospital for the last month. The hospital is about 3 hours away and he recently started a new job so he cant take time off during the week to come but he hasnt come over and of the 4 weekends i have been here.

Honestly, for me it would matter a whole lot. At this stage of life, and I'm close to your age.

Hospital stays - go and visit.

Fifty bucks being the excuse at 40, that would be an issue in itself for me.

When push comes to shove, he is weinering out. That kind of thing is important to me though. When you are a young kid, not liking hospitals, not having 50 bucks, not finding a way to be there, ok. As you get older, I need that sense of reliability in those close to me . The others are periphery people.

Sorry. I hope you are on the mend and have other visitors .

People in the hospital for a month usually aren't in there for something minor. It is very expensive and hospitals do not approve of prolonged stays unless it's for an extreme health circumstance. A whole month - you must be in a severe state. If your bf isn't at least regularly visiting you in such a dire time AND he cannot even afford $50 extra a week for an important time involving your state of health...he doesn't sound like a good lifetime partner.

I would feel different if you were in the hospital for something minor, routine, or for a lifestyle change. However, this sounds like something more serious. Your health is important when it's at risk.

I have had times as an adult when I truly don't have fifty bucks, much less 50 bucks extra.

That said, I can't imagine not visiting. He has visited twice, I think you said, but not on the weekends. I think the emotional pain is in part that he is unwilling to give up a weekend of friends etc. That is a valid emotion. I too would lose trust in him as a lifelong partner.

I hope you are doing ok.

If my boyfriend was in hospital I would be there as often as possible, definitely every weekend no questions asked. Just my opinion.

As J.man pointed out, it's a 6 hour drive for him. If he can't come during the week because of work (with a new job it's understandable if he can't take time off) that leaves the weekends. If you've been there for a month of weekends, and he's been there twice but not during the week, when did he actually come? Weren't those 2 times on weekends? Then one of the weekends he was short of funds and couldn't come, that leaves one weekend. That's just one weekend where something popped up, if I'm following you correctly. Is it that you want him to visit over the weekend, staying nearby? Is there a place for him to stay? Does he have other responsibilities that makes it hard for him to leave for a longer stretch than one round trip in a day?

I'm sorry you are hospitalized and he is so far away.

If he's sincerely wants to see you he'll find a way, if not, he'll find an excuse. We make the time, and find the time to be with someone we truly care about.

JMO...

Maybe I just don't intrinsically associate being in the hospital as the worst thing in the world, where a partner who's just started a new job and going through financial and personal struggles of their own needs to be sacrificing his own weekends to go on a 6-hour round trip and hang out in a hospital himself rather than unwind and maintain his own sanity. Yeah, hospitals suck. But that's life. A lot of it for me really boils down to why she's there.

Personally, I was quarantined for a month in the hospital after I got hit with a very severe pneumonia, resulting in a collapsed lung. Took a lot of guessing to get me on the right antibiotics, and once they did, they couldn't find the specific bacteria. They were pretty afraid of what could do that to a healthy 30-year old, so I had to stay until my WBC completely normalized and a full course was run afterward. Basically, for several weeks, I felt completely fine. There was no question of my recovery. It was simply a matter of public health. Was I bored out of my mind? Sure. But I'd never dream of expecting someone to drive 6 hours round-trip to entertain me in person, much less have them make the trip twice. Point being that there are 1001 reasons someone could be in the hospital for a longer stay that don't involve them knocking on death's door or suffering or experiencing anguish, monitoring and PT pretty chief among them. Most wards don't operate like the ER. So long as your insurance will pay, they're happy to provide any excuse to keep you.

But, again, I have no idea why she's there. If she's undergoing several rounds of chemo and radiation therapy while he kicks back with a few beers on his Saturdays without batting an eye, I'd obviously feel much differently. I just don't think it's necessarily unfair that the distance and personal circumstances complicate it.

Personally, I would tell him not to worry about coming but to keep in touch through facetime to catch up and keep the bond going. I wouldn't expect anyone to travel 3 hours to see me if I wasn't actually on my way out.

Op: Would a facetime or a skype visit quell the need for him to be there with you?

He should visit you on weekends for sure or any day he is off from work. 16 months is a pretty long relationship. He should have a bond with u by now that he wants to do everything he can to see you while ur sick . I do believe this is a good time to see where his head is at and see how much love he has for you. Feel better!!!!

Please, please do not judge how much he does or doesn't love you by whether or not he drives three hours to sit in an uncomfortable chair and chat with you. If he hasn't been showing you he loves and values you prior to your hospital stay then by all means start wondering how much he loves you.

What WAS your long distance relationship like prior to your stay?

Ok, so I have a question about a currebt situation. I an not sure if I am over reacting. I have been in the hospital for the last month. My boyfriend of 16 months has come to see ne 2x. He has made plans to come see me but somethibg always pops up that causes him to cancel. The hospital is about 3 hours away and he recently started a new job so he cant take time off during the week to come but he hasnt come over and of the 4 weekends i have been here. This past weekend, the excuse he used was he didn't have the gas money to drive down. I am 36 and he is 40. It probably costs about 50 bucks to drive here. He claims that if ge had it he would come. Am I being insensative to his financial situation by being hurt he hasnt come? If the roles were reveresed I would be bending over backwords to scrownge up the money to come but he just wont. Am i overreacting?

New job can be very stressful but if he's not working on weekends then the money excuse is lame -can you help him with the gas money maybe or make up for that in some way? You make it your business to be there for the person you love or care about. When my mother in law was in a coma for months and in hospice I sat in her room once a week for hours at a time to give my father in law and husband a break so they could go out with our son and just get an emotional break. You do what you have to do. It's for better or for worse

I hope you recover soon and if he's come twice that is something and I think he should make more of an effort to come again.

I spent night and days at the hospital for three weeks when my father wasn't recovering from pneumonia and couldn't advocate for himself but it doesn't seem that the Op is in dire straights if she's able to post a thread. Its one thing to not come if he's a quick drive to the hospital but quite another to expect someone to come visit when you're not in dire straights when they have to travel three hours there and another back. I'd not want to put my loved one through that hassle if I wasn't dying.

Op: Can you please come back into your thread and update us on your condition (why you're there for such a long period of time) and let us know how attentive your bf was prior to your hospital stay and if he's made the journey since you posted your opener. If he's been lax on visiting you even when you weren't in the hospital then that's him and he's showing you who he is and it's time to consider that maybe long distance relationships aren't for you?

But even if he showed his love prior to this hospital illness, and then he never comes to see her while sick, I'd say that's a red flag... Either way.