Being taken for granted

Hey guys!

I am in a relationship where I feel like I am being taken for granted by my significant other. I was just wondering if anyone has any general advice on how I can change that.

Not going into too much detail I am the type of gf who does a lot of things for my bf, if he needs anything I am the to go to person, he can rely on me for anything! But I don't feel like I can rely on him at all, he would forget to do it or he would say he is too busy to do it. This applies to all aspects of the relationship and he would much rather tell me little white lies than the truth and it's actually kind of annoying.

I don't want to talk about it because we already have I want action & results! I want to show him through my actions that in a relationship you give and you take but it's not either or....Do I just stop doing things for him till I see some form of reciprocated behaviour? (This seems a bit harsh and not the right move in a healthy relationship) Or does anyone have a similar experience that they can share on how they managed to overcome this issue?

Thank you!

I think firstly you need to make sure that you rally are being taken for granted. I say this because I personally have been accused of this in the past. In my situation, my ex boyfriend did a lot for me. But these were things I never expected or asked for. It was like he was always going out of his way to think of me. It was nice but I certainly never expected it. Now, I am naturally not so..thoughtful...I guess. I was a good girlfriend and we had great time. We compromised, had fun and did lots together. And that was enough for me . But he wanted more and I started to realize that all the things he did for (unnecessarily, in my view) were his way of proving to me how much he loved me. And he wanted that back from me. And he started to feel resentful and unloved when I didn't do the extra things that he would do. My response was firstly to try and reciprocate more but to be honest it was completely fake. I did extra things because I knew he wanted that. But I could never be as good as he was...showering me with things and time and effort. Honestly, I have two kids and it was too much effort for me to be like that. It was just too full on. We split up.

Not saying that you are reading the situation wrong, just asking you to make sure that you are not part of this incompatibility. Is he actually selfish and lazy .... or are you just looking for more than he is willing to give.

I think this is a case where you expectation of what he should be doing is not being met by his action. And because you are the self imposed go to person for all of his needs, you feel like you do everything for him and he doesn't do much for you.

The problem is, you want him to be like you and to give to you in the same way you give to him. I don't think this is ever going to happen, and you can't force him to be something he is not. You shouldn't be trying to change someone else, you should be accepting people who who they are and if you can't accept who they are, then don't be with that person.

While he does sound a little lazy, he probably has no idea what all the fuss is about and doesn't understand the level of expectation that is being held against him.

What sorts of things do you ask of him? And what white lies has he told?

How long have you been together?

With a little more context, we can probably give you better feedback.

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