having a bit of courage

There's a lot on my mind tonight and I feel like I need to get this out anonymously in some way to the world so here it goes!

I was with this guy for 6 years before breaking up with him recently and I honestly believe it was the best decision I've ever made in my life. I don't exactly know when I stopped being happy, but I knew I just wasn't in it fully anymore and it sucked. I just hated myself, the way I was around him the way he made me feel. I hated that I felt stuck and unable to move. The thing is, I really don't like being trapped and I believe that a relationship should never feel like mine did. I admit there were times when things were good but they are heavily outweighed by how I felt half the time. It hurt coming to the realization that 'you know what, this isn't it for me' because we were not only in a relationship but we were best friends! I think we both just got into the mindset that if we 'try harder' it will work - but that isn't always the case. Some things just don't work out and that's okay. I just realize I would have understood this sooner instead of sticking it out for 6 years. I guess hard decisions don't always come easy.

I think the hardest part of letting go was knowing that I couldn't see him - but at the same time I don't want to! It's a hard battle between so many things in my head and some days it really gets to me but it really has been getting better. I miss the routine but I'm more actively engaging with my friends and doing things I WANT to do. I'm done living through someone else's dreams and ready to live my own.

I think I've also always been scared about what other people would think, what my family would think - how everyone else's reactions would be, but not my own! It took a lot of strength to do what I did and I may be hurting still but I know there's a much brighter future ahead of me.

Anyway, I know that if you don't want to be with someone or if it's the other way around it's just how it is and all you can do is move on and do you.

well said.

the learning journey starts now - keep walking toward your fears like that and you will fly

Your story, it hits very close to home. It is as if your perspective is that of my ex-girlfriends whom broke up with me last month. In term's of the initial reasoning we broke up that is what she told me, however, I later found out she had been talking to other guys and it got a little bit ugly after that. Nonetheless, I am picking myself back up. My ex and I broke up before and it was always do to her talking to other guys. I was a fool and kept chasing and begging. She took me back each time. Hell, at some point when I left I took her back. Vicious cycle. I remember her telling me that these guys meant nothing and it was to fill a void in her after we broke up. I could not believe my ears because it happened too much. I lost self-respect and she probably lost respect in me.

Never would have thought I would let a cheater back into my life. Maybe once because people deserve second chances, but a total of 3 times was enough. She requested to be friends after the breakup. I agreed. Kept going on for a month and it was just me in pain. Wanting more and feeling a lot as she would choose when to reciprocate feelings while other days she went cold.

I found my self worth today. Told her I couldn't be friends with her. In our 6 year relationship. I finally did something for myself and I stood up for myself. Today I begin NC and join you on a journey also.

It seems in retrospect most people regret not cutting their losses sooner.

Well said. That's what I'm trying to do after being completely blindsided. One day at a time.