I need to really get out

I'm in a toxic friends with benefits .. that went from disagreeing .. mental abuse to now physical abuse .... me and this guy have kept this going for a whole year and despite him telling me he doesn't do relationships I decided to start talking to other people and now I found myself sleeping with others ... I was wrong l, but he was doing the same .. I tried to recently cut everyone off and just start over ... he went through my phone seen old messages and sent that a lot of guys were giving me attention ... sometimes I wouldn't even respond I would open the message and just leave it as is ... point is I got caught up in this open relationship .. so today I admitted to not sleeping with one person without a condom after he admitted the same.. but only difference he told me he slept with over 11 girls over he summer and some didn't use condoms .. the minute I became honest came clean ... he spit in my face told me to get out .. when I begged for him to understand and that it wasn't fair he told me to get on my knees and say sorry and to look in the mirror and tell the mirror that I'm a no go lying who will never be anything .. when I built up the courage to stand up to him .. he would provoke me by saying degrading things about me .. so I slapped him and then he hit me back and we would go back and fourth and then he kept punching me and now my lip is busted .. after our fight he demanded we go get tested and now that I got tested I don't have anything ... he told me I ed up ... when in reality he was doing his thing all along .. and expressed to me if I gave him anything he would expose me to everyone and basically ruin my name .. I'm in a terrible situation ., he is consistently calling me a and telling me I'll never be anything .. I got so so fed up and threatened to kill my self and his response it's my life do as I please I'm a nobody anyways... I feel so hurt broken and lost ... I know I was wrong but I don't know ... I'm scared to stop talking to him I don't want him to expose me ... and I feel like I need him .. if you have ever been in this situation please give me your insight .. I don't want to tell my brothers I don't want to get anyone involved .. out of fear I called my mom and I felt like I should have told no one .. help

NO

You do not need him!!!!!! You need to tell an authority..someone you trust the most. This guy is an ABUSER. What did your mom say?

OP, is this the same guy you have been posting about since July? You got loads of very very good advice.... all of which you have chosen to ignore. You keep complaining about his abuse and how toxic everything is, yet you stay for more. Now, yet another thread about the same thing and you're STILL with him? WHY?

(Genuinely trying to understand).

You say you really need to get out. YES! Get out and don't go back. No-one forces you to stay. It's YOUR choice.

What are you getting out of this? Because you keep going back to him.

You can block him. You an stop seeing him. Stop talking to him. You can tell your family. What can he possibly expose about you? That you both have been in a terrible and abusive relationship for a long while?

Unfortunately my insight is that this can be over the moment you choose for it to be over. The issue is that you don't seem to want it to be over. So the question becomes: What do you like about this? Are you getting off on the drama and high and low emotional states? Do you like being with someone where when you get upset you feel justified in hitting him?

You need to sit down and think about why you are choosing this. Because you are. No advice will help when you keep choosing this relationship.

OP, is this the same guy you have been posting about since July? You got loads of very very good advice.... all of which you have chosen to ignore. You keep complaining about his abuse and how toxic everything is, yet you stay for more. Now, yet another thread about the same thing and you're STILL with him? WHY?

(Genuinely trying to understand).

 

You say you really need to get out. YES! Get out and don't go back. No-one forces you to stay. It's YOUR choice.

I'm making this decision to go back because I feel like things will be different maybe he will change .. but the more and more I get involved the worse things get .. I shouldn't have hit him at all that doesn't make it right .. he just says things to hit me below the belt and it just hurts ... I guess I feel like I don't deserve better and I'm starting to believe all the things he told me I was .. so I just keep coming back for more when I know this is unhealthy

What are you getting out of this? Because you keep going back to him.

 

You can block him. You an stop seeing him. Stop talking to him. You can tell your family. What can he possibly expose about you? That you both have been in a terrible and abusive relationship for a long while?

 

Unfortunately my insight is that this can be over the moment you choose for it to be over. The issue is that you don't seem to want it to be over. So the question becomes: What do you like about this? Are you getting off on the drama and high and low emotional states? Do you like being with someone where when you get upset you feel justified in hitting him?

 

You need to sit down and think about why you are choosing this. Because you are. No advice will help when you keep choosing this relationship.

Yes I could have stopped this months ago .. before things got this bad .. I wish I would have I wish I knew my worth to walk away .... and now I need to make that decision .. hitting him is wrong I shouldn't have done it but I did ... it's my own fault I could have just ended this ....

NO

You do not need him!!!!!! You need to tell an authority..someone you trust the most. This guy is an ABUSER. What did your mom say?

I don't need to get his family involved just more drama

I can only strongly advise you seek professional counselling/therapy to help you understand why you keep going back for more abuse. You also need help for your own physical abuse/violence (hitting, slapping and scratching him). Seriously, there is nothing anyone here can do to help - we have given a lot of very good, constructive advice in the past but you stay in your situation. This isn't even a husband. Not even a boyfriend. This is just a FWB and you have absolutely no good reason to go back to something so dysfunctional and toxic. No reason (imo).

You NEED professional help. This is beyond what anyone here can do.

Yes I could have stopped this months ago .. before things got this bad .. I wish I would have I wish I knew my worth to walk away .... and now I need to make that decision .. hitting him is wrong I shouldn't have done it but I did ... it's my own fault I could have just ended this ....

Don't beat yourself up about it. Just leave him. Block him in every way. Telling your family might really help.

It's not your fault but it is your trap. You keep walking right back into it. And honestly that is pretty normal for people facing emotional and phycological abuse. But nothing can help you until you CHOOSE to leave. You can. You aren't trapped. You can make that choice and leave. I know it sounds impossible. But it isn't. You can choose to stop.

Don't beat yourself up about it. Just leave him. Block him in every way. Telling your family might really help.

 

It's not your fault but it is your trap. You keep walking right back into it. And honestly that is pretty normal for people facing emotional and phycological abuse. But nothing can help you until you CHOOSE to leave. You can. You aren't trapped. You can make that choice and leave. I know it sounds impossible. But it isn't. You can choose to stop.

Your absolutely right ... and I need to do it for the sake of me I don't want to end up dead or something drastic before I realize I need to get out ... your right .. I just feel guilty because I lied and he got so upset I hate feeling like I've done someone wrong ... I feel like this is all a guilt trip and it always has been and that's why I keep resulting bank

I'm sorry guys it's been a while since I've been on here I can't thank anyone by hitting the heart I don't see it .. but thank all of you for being so kind and commenting ... it's been hard but you all are right ..

An option is to head to a crisis center, you could do it tonight. And you tell them everything.

I'm sure you are a smart person with so much potential. This isn't a road you want to keep going down. It leads to trips to the hospital, being involved with law enforcement, depression and potential loss of your life.

That's not being dramatic, that's the reality you are facing if you keep going down this road.

You may not think you are worth it right now, but others can see what you can't. You are worth it. You do deserve a good life, as much as anybody does.

If you really want help, please, stop isolating yourself. Don't regret telling your mom. She loves you. Let others who love you support you and love you right now.

Your absolutely right ... and I need to do it for the sake of me I don't want to end up dead or something drastic before I realize I need to get out ... your right .. I just feel guilty because I lied and he got so upset I hate feeling like I've done someone wrong ... I feel like this is all a guilt trip and it always has been and that's why I keep resulting bank

You lying does not excuse his behavior.

What guy spits in a girls face???

That to me is worse than the actual physical assault.

And btw, the emotional abuse he's projected onto you is what's keeping you down and

returning to this. All part of the plan. Beat you down, make you feel worthless, no one will

love you, etc, etc.

Call a women's shelter, get an appointment. It's free.

Block this a hole from your phone, social media, and your life.

There is no more turning back. Realize that.

And please get yourself tested for STD's, for your own health.

After all this, work on controlling your behavior.

Abusing back isn't okay. And get help to discover why you seek out these guys for sex.

Love doesn't arise from this. Once you gain your self respect back, you can turn this around.

An option is to head to a crisis center, you could do it tonight. And you tell them everything.

 

I'm sure you are a smart person with so much potential. This isn't a road you want to keep going down. It leads to trips to the hospital, being involved with law enforcement, depression and potential loss of your life.

That's not being dramatic, that's the reality you are facing if you keep going down this road.

 

You may not think you are worth it right now, but others can see what you can't. You are worth it. You do deserve a good life, as much as anybody does.

 

If you really want help, please, stop isolating yourself. Don't regret telling your mom. She loves you. Let others who love you support you and love you right now.

No this isn't a road I want to go down I want a healthy stable relationship without mental abuse or violence ... sadly I've been down most of what you've said already and I don't want to find out what happens next I rather just walk away .... I appreciate your kind kind words they mean a lot to me. I already opened up to my family and they are super supportive I don't feel so alone anymore

You lying does not excuse his behavior.

What guy spits in a girls face???

That to me is worse than the actual physical assault.

And btw, the emotional abuse he's projected onto you is what's keeping you down and

returning to this. All part of the plan. Beat you down, make you feel worthless, no one will

love you, etc, etc.

 

Call a women's shelter, get an appointment. It's free.

Block this a hole from your phone, social media, and your life.

There is no more turning back. Realize that.

And please get yourself tested for STD's, for your own health.

After all this, work on controlling your behavior.

Abusing back isn't okay. And get help to discover why you seek out these guys for sex.

Love doesn't arise from this. Once you gain your self respect back, you can turn this around.

Your absolutely right ... everything you said .. I suddenly realized that when he would tell me all these horrible things and then suddenly wanted to forgive me and talk it out after disrespecting me ... I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I went to go get tested and made sure I was okay ... this is a road I don't want to go down anymore .. I want more respect for myself and it's sad a year later it took me to really grasp this ... but I'm blessed to atleast be here to live and tell ....

Your absolutely right ... everything you said .. I suddenly realized that when he would tell me all these horrible things and then suddenly wanted to forgive me and talk it out after disrespecting me ... I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I went to go get tested and made sure I was okay ... this is a road I don't want to go down anymore .. I want more respect for myself and it's sad a year later it took me to really grasp this ... but I'm blessed to atleast be here to live and tell ....

Good! You're on the right track now!

No looking back, no returns. It's over.

Never to happen again, with him, nor anyone.

You hold tight to your self respect and it will get you through.

I hope all your tests come out okay. I'm wishing you peace and much happiness in your future relationships.

You are deserving, just remember to pull the plug if ever you see signs of this in anyone else :)