Separation/Divorce Counselling

Has anyone had any experience of this please? TIA

I remember your posts.

Are you now considering to try to work it out, or divorce?

I had tried divorce counseling. It was a disaster. But no two therapists are alike, and we never

looked for another one. We both kinda threw in the towel but he sat there mud slinging and

accepted no responsibility,and I'd sit there guarded, so it was basically a waste of an hour twice a week.

He's on his third marriage now anyway lol

I remember your posts.

Are you now considering to try to work it out, or divorce?

 

I had tried divorce counseling. It was a disaster. But no two therapists are alike, and we never

looked for another one. We both kinda threw in the towel but he sat there mud slinging and

accepted no responsibility,and I'd sit there guarded, so it was basically a waste of an hour twice a week.

 

He's on his third marriage now anyway lol

 

i'm just pondering why he's agreed to see my counsellor, if you see my previous post after our argument about the motorbike and the following emails between us, I find it quite strange that he is agreeing to any form of counselling. In my opinion it's not something you consider if you are indifferent to your ex partner of 20 years? I don't know what to expect, what it will be like, how I should approach it, whether it's an opening to him maybe considering reconciliation? I guess I'm just wondering what experiences people have had with this type of counselling and from your experience it sounds like it's going to be eventful lol!!

i'm just pondering why he's agreed to see my counsellor, if you see my previous post after our argument about the motorbike and the following emails between us, I find it quite strange that he is agreeing to any form of counselling. In my opinion it's not something you consider if you are indifferent to your ex partner of 20 years? I don't know what to expect, what it will be like, how I should approach it, whether it's an opening to him maybe considering reconciliation? I guess I'm just wondering what experiences people have had with this type of counselling and from your experience it sounds like it's going to be eventful lol!!

My ex was a total a$$ lol. I know of many couples who were at each other's throats and did end up staying together.

Not to say they didn't have issues arise here and there, but they were taught how to effectively communicate.

And communication, along with both partners being open and willing to stay together, is crucial. Love is essential

also. Forgiveness, acceptance, patience...the list goes on and on.

I honestly believe he wants to save your marriage. The question is, do you?

You have to approach it with an open mind. And expect some negative feelings and hurt to resurface again.

It's all part of the healing. There will be laughs too. Usually in a couple of sessions, one gets the floor and the other has to silently listen. Then repeat what the partner has said. I'm Italian, my blood boils and I fling spaghetti!!! Lol

I suggest you try. The worst possible outcome is you divorce.

Which maybe won't be viewed as negative. Hopefully you can walk away with peace of mind, and

not hold onto anger or resentment. You've had a long history together. If you can reignite what made you

both fall in love in the first place, and reattract to one another, it's worth a shot.

listen

I've heard that by the time couples get to counseling, then it's usually too late. That's not what the marriage Councillors will tell you, and there have been success stories. It takes 2 to want to fix the thing though.

I think the success of counseling depends on the commitment and motivation.

Both parties have to go in with an open mind and willing to take personal responsibility.

My motivation for going was for change. My ex's motivation for going was to prove me wrong and keep things the same.

I am divorced, bytheway.

Counseling can show you the way back or help you find your way out.

I know couples where counseling helped them.

I do find it curious that you personal therapist has invited him to join you. This is your personal therapist and there will be somewhat of an imbalance right out of the gate.

Depending on what your motive for having go him is . . you might be better off started fresh with couples counselor.

My ex was a total a$$ lol. I know of many couples who were at each other's throats and did end up staying together.

Not to say they didn't have issues arise here and there, but they were taught how to effectively communicate.

And communication, along with both partners being open and willing to stay together, is crucial. Love is essential

also. Forgiveness, acceptance, patience...the list goes on and on.

 

I honestly believe he wants to save your marriage. The question is, do you?

You have to approach it with an open mind. And expect some negative feelings and hurt to resurface again.

It's all part of the healing. There will be laughs too. Usually in a couple of sessions, one gets the floor and the other has to silently listen. Then repeat what the partner has said. I'm Italian, my blood boils and I fling spaghetti!!! Lol

 

I suggest you try. The worst possible outcome is you divorce.

Which maybe won't be viewed as negative. Hopefully you can walk away with peace of mind, and

not hold onto anger or resentment. You've had a long history together. If you can reignite what made you

both fall in love in the first place, and reattract to one another, it's worth a shot.

listen

That is our biggest issue, communicating effectively. Over the years we have both become very defensive and sensitive, neither of us can take criticism well and I think it's due to the way we both deliver it i.e it's not constructive! I'm quite willing for him to come along, not sure how effective it's going to be but as you say if we don't do it, we'll be stuck in limbo.

I've heard that by the time couples get to counseling, then it's usually too late. That's not what the marriage Councillors will tell you, and there have been success stories. It takes 2 to want to fix the thing though.

Thanks for the input, I guess I'll just have to wait and see how it pans out. The counsellor seems quite honest and the focus is apparently on separating well not getting back together so i think we will be able to know whether we both want to try again or not (although he is saying not and I'm saying well I'm moving on then, and then he says so am i, so there is no indication from either of us if either of us wants to reconcile. I'm at a place where I don't know how I feel about it or what is for the best TBH).

I think the success of counseling depends on the commitment and motivation.

Both parties have to go in with an open mind and willing to take personal responsibility.

My motivation for going was for change. My ex's motivation for going was to prove me wrong and keep things the same.

I am divorced, bytheway.

 

Counseling can show you the way back or help you find your way out.

I know couples where counseling helped them.

 

I do find it curious that you personal therapist has invited him to join you. This is your personal therapist and there will be somewhat of an imbalance right out of the gate.

Depending on what your motive for having go him is . . you might be better off started fresh with couples counselor.

I started my counselling for me as I realised that I needed it for myself first and foremost. From the first session the counsellor has asked whether my ex would join us so we can do the separation counselling. Since he has specifically said he does not want to do couples counselling, that is not an option so I might just have to see where this form of counselling leads. I'm hoping it will bring me some clarity and closure if needed for sure. I'm not sure what my motivation for him going is as I'm not sure 5 months down the line what i actually want.....