So envious and jealous that it hurts

I have always been a very jealous and envious person. Right now I am so jealous and envious of my husband’s ex that I am considering divorce, which would be so unfair to him because he’s done nothing. He doesn’t even know that I am feeling this way because I will not tell him because he will think I’m psychotic. I’m silently suffering. He has not seen or talked to this woman in 7 years. We have been together for 6 and married for 1. I have been Facebook stalking her for years and it hurts my feelings so bad when I see his family interacting with her on Facebook and liking all of her pictures and what not. It makes me think that they all like her more than me. I don’t think these feelings are normal. Any advice besides therapy? I already tried therapy and it was a waste of time and money.

Stop stalking her.

The longest I’ve been able to go without doing it is like a month and then I give in and then all of the awful feeling come back.

Try your best to ignore the Facebook. I know you want to know but trust me it will make you crazy. Do everything you can to be your best self and really focus on you and him. I feel for you and hope this gets better.

Delete your fb so you're not doing this anymore if you cannot stop stalking her.

And, you have him--- so why the jealousy?

He chose you. He married you.

You aren't married to his family, your marriage is between you and him.

The only one who you should care what they think of you, is ... him.

Delete your social media. Period.

Sadly, I have deleted my Facebook but I stalk her from a fake account 😭😟 I haven’t actually had a Facebook in about a year. I also stalk her from a fake Instagram account. And I look up photos of her on her work website. It’s gotten way out of control.

She should be jealous of you that you have your husband! And who knows, maybe she is, from time to time.

After my breakup, I sort of think my BF's family and friends have been liking my posts even more than they were before. I took it as a way of assuring me I didn't stop existing to them just because of the breakup. And as a way of connect, because I used to hang out with my BF's friends all the time, I spent a lot of time with his family, but now I don't see them so all the relationship we have right now is based on liking and commenting on stuff.

If his ex was a big part of their lives and now isn't, it's natural that they would use social media to casually stay in touch. You shouldn't jump on conclusions that they would want your husband to be with her rather than you. I'm sure they are happy to see him happy with you, if they aren't messed up people. Did they give you any reason to think that they don't like you enough?

Either way, what matters is that your husband likes you very much.

Is there anything else do you envy his ex? Aside from liking the posts by his folks? In what ways do you think she's superior to you? Is there something you wish you could change about yourself to be more like her?

Ok, if you have fake profiles you HAVE social media. Delete them.

I guess I don't quite get the point of Facebook stalking if it hurts. If youre curious or nosy, sure, but if it literally causes you anxiety and pain everytine time you look why do it?

I would think the pain would make you not want to do it, like touching a hot stove. I'd say you may benefit from figuring out what it is exactly you're getting out of looking because you are deffinetely getting something out of it. Is it satisfaction when you see her sad or stressed out? Again it's gotta be something. Much like a drug addiction there's a high that makes the pain worth it to the addict. What's your high?

In therapy, did you discuss A) wanting your parents approval and not getting it (possible reason you’re looking to your spouses parents/family?) or B) how you compare yourself to others as a form of beating yourself up?

If any of that resonates with you now or as you let that sink in and you didn’t discuss that in therapy go back to therapy and discuss. Find a therapist you like even if you have to go to a few. It’s worth it.

At the very least, what is this jealousy teaching you right now? It’s there to show you something.....I️ notice intense emotions usually do.

Stab in the dark only. Take what resonates dump the rest.

Sadly, I have deleted my Facebook but I stalk her from a fake account 😭😟 I haven’t actually had a Facebook in about a year. I also stalk her from a fake Instagram account. And I look up photos of her on her work website. It’s gotten way out of control.

I had a close friend who does this same thing. She's been married forever, but yet she can't seem to stop

stalking her ex and his wife. It got so draining that I have distanced myself from her because I was so tired of

hearing it. She even goes as far as to tell her husband she loves her ex. It's an addiction, and unless you can gain

control over it, this will continue to plague your life. Maybe the therapist you saw was just not a good fit for you.

Try again with someone else. Do you have OCD by any chance?

I completely understand the facebook stalking crazy behaviour that comes from jealousy. I used to be like that. It's a horrible place to be for you and its a horrible trait also.

My advice is for you to research jealousy, learn all that you can about it. You will learn that jealousy comes when we feel we own someone and we are scared of losing them. We constantly worry that we are not good enough to keep this person. You will learn about attachment and what that means.

Sometimes there are reasons for us to be jealous and insecure- is boyfriend inappropriate with other women, do you guys argue a lot, are you truly compatible?

But other time the jealousy is just part of you and not based on actual reality- Its like you want to be in pain, you want those bad feelings.

Yours has gone to the extreme and its your choice now to either work on yourself or continue this way in life.

This is a symptom of something missing in your own life, right? So the ex and the stalking are only manifestations of this. Perhaps reflect and redirect your focus to what is really eating at you.

OP,

Here are the threads you have started:

-My husband sucks sometimes

-How do I know when to give up?

-Could I have depression?

-My husband annoys the crap out of me.

-Am I overthinking this?

-Resentment towards husband

-Am I being irrational or over emotional?

-How do I know if the things people say about me are legit or just jealousy?

-My insecurities are ruining my life, especially my marriage

-Disliking my nephew because I can’t stand his mother

It is really good that you identify and question all of these things and it looks as if you can see the reoccurring theme in your life but there is nothing being done to make it better. In this case it isn't about your husbands ex wife or his family, it is about you and your insecurities.

You have gone to a therapist, why don't you tell us all how therapy went and why it was a waste of time.

I do know you are getting something out of the way you feel and react to others around you. Your ego is fed by your thoughts of jealousy and it grows each time to take anything that is said or done near you and you turn it into all about you. For instance this whole FB thing. Do you honestly think that those people are liking posts just to make sure you know she is more liked than you? When you take anything and make it all about you that is 100% your ego in control.

A divorce will not fix any of this and will more than likely make it worse. Your first step is to stop feeding your ego by stalking people. That is a physical thing you can do and will not take much will power if you make it as important as it is in your life. The next step is to seek out a self help group you can join.

Therapist are not all created equal and you should reconsider seeing one, preferably one that specializes in insecurities and the ego.

Lost

Thanks for posting this list with a very discernible theme. 1,4 and 9 may be the answer to this thread.

OP,Here are the threads you have started:

1-My husband sucks sometimes

2-How do I know when to give up?

3-Could I have depression?

4-My husband annoys the crap out of me.

5-Am I overthinking this?

6-Resentment towards husband

7-Am I being irrational or over emotional?

8-How do I know if the things people say about me are legit or just jealousy?

9-My insecurities are ruining my life, especially my marriage

10-Disliking my nephew because I can’t stand his mother