He didn't even bother to cancel our date leaving me feeling disrespected

We made plans to go out on Friday evening. No place/specific time but we did discuss possible things to do and I knew it would be in the evening. Friday comes and no word from him, no confirmation. Eventually I realize it's not happening and send him a text to ask what happened. He replied that he was busy at work and worked late (he works for himself). Complained about his deadlines and asked how my day was lol. No apology. I felt that he was disrespectful and rude to leave me hanging and not even give me a short text to cancel our plans. I ignored his message. I hope it wasn't rude of me to ignore him.

We made plans to go out on Friday evening. No place/specific time but we did discuss possible things to do and I knew it would be in the evening. Friday comes and no word from him, no confirmation. Eventually I realize it's not happening and send him a text to ask what happened. He replied that he was busy at work and worked late (he works for himself). Complained about his deadlines and asked how my day was lol. No apology. I felt that he was disrespectful and rude to leave me hanging and not even give me a short text to cancel our plans. I ignored his message. I hope it wasn't rude of me to ignore him.

It was very rude of him. It is not rude of you to ignore and block him.

It was rude from him but also I think it was rude for you. The best option from my point of view would have been an assertive message like "Hey, if you couln't make to the meeting you could have send me a message cancelling it, so I could do other plans". This way you make it clear how you would like to be treated and at the same time, you are not being rude.

If you don't have a specific place/time nailed down, you don't have a date.

You will encounter a lot of these kinds of flakes in your dating adventures, so to preserve your sanity, have some rules. If he hasn't nailed down a specific time and activity at least a day or two in advance, you make other plans. Do not sit around the day of, waiting on him. The guy is either a flake or just not that interested in dating and making that effort. Either way, you did right by not responding anymore.

It was rude from him but also I think it was rude for you. The best option from my point of view would have been an assertive message like "Hey, if you couln't make to the meeting you could have send me a message cancelling it, so I could do other plans". This way you make it clear how you would like to be treated and at the same time, you are not being rude.

We really don't need to teach grown adults how to behave. OP is not his mommy. He knows, he didn't care and couldn't be bothered. She shouldn't have even contacted him at all, simply moved on. When someone shows you their colors especially so early on, you don't jump in with trying to fix them. You move on. OP did right by not bothering to respond any further to this guy. He was wasting her time.

So, was the expectation that he was going to be the one solidifying the plan? I don't see that anywhere. Did you just have that expectation because "he's the guy?" It sounds like the expectations were way too loose.

So, was the expectation that he was going to be the one solidifying the plan? I don't see that anywhere. Did you just have that expectation because "he's the guy?" It sounds like the expectations were way too loose.

We decided on Friday evening and I was going to make a two hour drive to get there so I had to block off quite a significant part of my Friday for him. I thought that since he invited me it should be home to solidify. Also since he was the one who had to cancel I think he should have let me know as soon as was possible rather than just leaving me wondering what happened.

We decided on Friday evening and I was going to make a two hour drive to get there so I had to block off quite a significant part of my Friday for him. I thought that since he invited me it should be home to solidify. Also since he was the one who had to cancel I think he should have let me know as soon as was possible rather than just leaving me wondering what happened.

Was this a first date? And HE invited you out?

If so why are you driving two hours to his area?

At the very least, meet at a half way point.

Set higher standards for yourself from the get go and **** like this won't happen.

Sorry you had to comes across such a person....If I were to take you on a date I would stick to my word and if there were to be any changes due to emergency I would let you know and reschedule. This shows poor character. I would not waste your time with such a person.

Its not a date unless there is a time and a place. If its "we should do something friday night" - its not a date.

Totally agree with the above. If there is no set time and place, there is no date....

Its not a date unless there is a time and a place. If its "we should do something friday night" - its not a date.

Agree with bolded, but that's not what happened.

 

We made plans to go out on Friday evening. No place/specific time but we did discuss possible things to do and I knew it would be in the evening.

They made a definite plan to see each other Friday night (i.e. a date), but had not yet confirmed time and place.

To me, that's a date, and he blew her off.

My dates and I - we often don't decide on time and place till the day prior or even the day of sometimes.

But I know we have a date, will set aside the time and won't make other plans because of it.

We made plans to go out on Friday evening. No place/specific time but we did discuss possible things to do and I knew it would be in the evening. Friday comes and no word from him, no confirmation. Eventually I realize it's not happening and send him a text to ask what happened. He replied that he was busy at work and worked late (he works for himself). Complained about his deadlines and asked how my day was lol. No apology. I felt that he was disrespectful and rude to leave me hanging and not even give me a short text to cancel our plans. I ignored his message. I hope it wasn't rude of me to ignore him.

Twits don't deserve politeness. (not that you ignoring him is rude under those circumstances) Block and delete him.

If you don't have a specific place/time nailed down, you don't have a date.

You will encounter a lot of these kinds of flakes in your dating adventures, so to preserve your sanity, have some rules. If he hasn't nailed down a specific time and activity at least a day or two in advance, you make other plans. Do not sit around the day of, waiting on him. The guy is either a flake or just not that interested in dating and making that effort. Either way, you did right by not responding anymore.

Agree completely.

Agree with bolded, but that's not what happened.

 

 

 

They made a definite plan to see each other Friday night (i.e. a date), but had not yet confirmed time and place.

 

To me, that's a date, and he blew her off.

 

My dates and I - we often don't decide on time and place till the day prior or even the day of sometimes.

 

But I know we have a date, will set aside the time and won't make other plans because of it.

OK that's a great point. I have lunch plans with a friend on Wednesday -no time or place and I assume we'll confirm day of or a bit before -I would not like if she never got back to me. But with dating I'd probably confirm time and place before setting aside the time. Or at least time.

I personally think this guy is a jerk and if he mentioned at all meeting up and then doesn't even mention it on the day after you took time for him, I wouldn't be impressed with him either.

He sounds like a total flake and he blew all romance out the window.....next.

OK that's a great point. I have lunch plans with a friend on Wednesday -no time or place and I assume we'll confirm day of or a bit before -I would not like if she never got back to me. But with dating I'd probably confirm time and place before setting aside the time. Or at least time.

Tentative plans are fine with friends and otherwise someone you know well enough to trust that they'll do what's right by you. First meets and early dating....you don't know squat. Setting aside the kind of time the OP is talking about for tentative plans is honestly setting yourself up for wasted time.

I'd agree that, at the very least, it was pretty flaky on his part. Would have to know the exact language to grant him the title of "jerk."

Still, even if so, I really do view it as a "shame on me" situation. No time or place means no date, and I don't really care how otherwise certain one might consider the terms. Especially given that you'd be driving multiple hours to see him, you've got more reason than most to be assertive with your time and not to leave matters to assumption. I don't even reserve time for ambiguous plans when it comes to the people I'm closest to, both as friends and in proximity. You make a vague plan and something concrete comes up in the meantime, sorry, but that's what I'm doing. The on-call dynamic might work for some, but it's not really my jam.

I'd agree that, at the very least, it was pretty flaky on his part. Would have to know the exact language to grant him the title of "jerk."

 

Still, even if so, I really do view it as a "shame on me" situation. No time or place means no date, and I don't really care how otherwise certain one might consider the terms. Especially given that you'd be driving multiple hours to see him, you've got more reason than most to be assertive with your time and not to leave matters to assumption. I don't even reserve time for ambiguous plans when it comes to the people I'm closest to, both as friends and in proximity. You make a vague plan and something concrete comes up in the meantime, sorry, but that's what I'm doing. The on-call dynamic might work for some, but it's not really my jam.

Even if the plans were vague I still think he could have taken five seconds out of his busy work day to let me know it was off. It wasn't so much that he cancelled it was how he cancelled that offended me. Made me feel like I was a total afterthought

Even if the plans were vague I still think he could have taken five seconds out of his busy work day to let me know it was off. It wasn't so much that he cancelled it was how he cancelled that offended me. Made me feel like I was a total afterthought

Bottom line, he's just not all that interested.

If he were, he would have confirmed the day prior or the day of (again, have had that happen and we had a fabulous time!), or at the very least texted saying whatever and rescheduled.

He was rude to not let you know what was happening until you texted him. Didn't even apologize. It doesn't really matter whether you texted him back or not. I would not worry if I was rude to him. All that matters is how you feel either way-- whether you wanted to text him back to say how you felt, or just not text at all. Personally I like to voice whats on my mind when something like this happens and it happened to me one time. I don't do it to shame but rather so he will think twice before doing it to some other woman in the future. When it happened to me I basically texted the guy and said the least he could do is have the common courtesy to cancel. Telling someone to be kind to others is nothing to feel bad about.

He was rude to not let you know what was happening until you texted him. Didn't even apologize. It doesn't really matter whether you texted him back or not. I would not worry if I was rude to him. All that matters is how you feel either way-- whether you wanted to text him back to say how you felt, or just not text at all. Personally I like to voice whats on my mind when something like this happens and it happened to me one time. I don't do it to shame but rather so he will think twice before doing it to some other woman in the future. When it happened to me I basically texted the guy and said the least he could do is have the common courtesy to cancel. Telling someone to be kind to others is nothing to feel bad about.

It's a sad state of affairs when you have to explain basic common courtesy to a grown 40 year old man lol!! What a red flag. I'm kind of glad this happened so I could get a taste of how he treats women before things got serious. He was a classic all words no actions type

Very true, but at least you won't have anymore of your time wasted and can find someone better suited.

It's a sad state of affairs when you have to explain basic common courtesy to a grown 40 year old man lol!! What a red flag. I'm kind of glad this happened so I could get a taste of how he treats women before things got serious. He was a classic all words no actions type

I just don't think he was into you. That's all.

With another woman he was into, he "would" have confirmed or if had to cancel, rescheduled.

He would "want" to spend time with her, getting to know her. Ask any man truly interested in a woman. He would NEVER have blown her (you) off like that. No effing way, guaranteed.

The End. Best to move on and forget about it.

No need to start labeling him as "classic all words and no action 'type'."

There is no such "type."

An "interested" man doesn't do **** like this, and his 'actions' will reflect his interest.

Sorry it didn't work out.

He may have viewed this as tentative plans. Unless there is day time place confirmation...it's not plans. Lay back and don't consider it plans if there's just chat about this or that sounds nice.

No place/specific time but we did discuss possible things to do Eventually I realize it's not happening and send him a text to ask what happened. He replied that he was busy at work and worked late (he works for himself).