Agonized over current situation...NC broke with cheating ex

I'm 22, my bf is 31, he cheated on me with a 19-year old friend of mine in September then dumped me. Found out about the cheating a couple weeks later. She broke up with him about 6 days in. Best friends for almost 2 years; and dated 7 months. I loved this guy; we talked about getting married all the time; our family and friends were ecstatic about the relationship. Then bam. I ended up calling him about a month after I started NC and hung up cuz i freaked; he called back that night, didn't answer. a week later he calls again and we talk and he says he can't stop thinking about me; he messed up; he misses me; can't get me out of his head; wont be able to find anyone else like me, etc. i asked him if he would be willing to consider therapy to improve himself as a person, and he said yeah he'd seriously consider it.

and

of course

i fell for it.

we talked off and on every 5 days or so and it ended up being mainly me initiating with calls or texts and i was alternatively normal/happy and angry; frankly i felt like i had my best friend and boyfriend back but at the same time didn't, and i was confused as hell.

cue a conversation a few days ago where i asked him what he thought about getting back together in the future and he said it probably wouldn't work; that in hindsight it probably wasn't meant to be, etc.

and naturally i was very hurt by all of this. i can't stop thinking about him, it, and im so very confused. someone please help me

Where is your self worth?

This guy does not love or respect you. Damn! He slept with your best friend. What are you thinking!!!!

Don't get what there is to be confused about. He is a cheating lying jerk. Expect more!

Best friends do not treat you like garbage!

OH WAIT HOLD UP. The girl wasn't my best friend; she was a friend (casual friend). He didn't sleep, he emotionally cheated for almost a month or so.

I was best friends with HIM not her

Did he dump you, for her?

"Finally after 11 days and me pushing he admitted he was emotionally cheating with me on someone. Suspecting the girl, I asked if it was her and he said no. Called her the next night and she said it was her. After hearing how serious we had been and that he had lied to her and said me and him broke up 3 weeks prior (when it was the day before)-he asked her out the day after leaving me- she confronted and left him. Probably felt guilty af. I guess they'd been dating a week and a half?

Anyway I'm struggling a lot because I come from a tradition where dating/physicality happens with the guy you marry and he knew that, and he had similar values (I thought). And yet he was physical with me while talking to this girl"

Best friends and partners do not do this.

She was smart. She saw what a lying creep he is.

You need a healthy dose of self-worth, OP. This is not someone you can have a future with.

Good men don't treat you this way. He is awful. You need time and patience with yourself to heal, and do not contact this low-life.

Yes. I kinda had to break up tho cuz he couldn't. He kept waffling around.

Sorry he jerked you around, but listen to what he is saying.

He does not want to be together.

Cut all contact and work on moving forward to find a guy that respects you.

he wasnt' supposed to be like this. he wasn't always like this. he was good. he was my best friend for years and we always had each other's back. i know he cared about me; he must have. but then he treated me like i was some repulsive thing. i dont know where he went. what happened. he can't be a narcissist his friends and family all love him and vouched for him when i was contemplating dating him....

i know it's hard to leave him. if cheating isnt enough for you to leave him, try asking him more questions about it. usually it'll provoke anger and they'll spill their guts out. then you'll have reasons to give up on him. ( that was what made me move on)

my therapist told me that i should consider going back to him.

i can't believe this.

she says that it's hard to find a connection like that and i should ...

it's the opposite of what everyone else has been saying

also he doesn't even want me lol so i dont know why she acts like that's an option.

my therapist told me that i should consider going back to him.

i can't believe this.

she says that it's hard to find a connection like that and i should ...

it's the opposite of what everyone else has been saying

also he doesn't even want me lol so i dont know why she acts like that's an option.

Time to find a new therapist.

I find it very disturbing when I hear people saying "my therapist told me to do this". I thought the role of therapists was to help understand what you're going through, why X or Y is happening, etc. Not tell you whether you should go back to an ex, for example.

This is up to you to decide based on the tools the therapist is providing you with.

I find it very disturbing when I hear people saying "my therapist told me to do this". I thought the role of therapists was to help understand what you're going through, why X or Y is happening, etc. Not tell you whether you should go back to an ex, for example.

 

This is up to you to decide based on the tools the therapist is providing you with.

I asked her how to feel better; get rid of the emptiness that lends itself to my interminable depression; and she gave me that advice. I didn't expect her to tell me to do that; and I was surprised that she advised me on a course of action, but especially that one. I've been trying for multiple sessions to get TOOLS to help me to move on; but she keeps bringing up this hopeful idea of me filling the void with him again. Anyway. I'm going to stick with her for a little bit longer, then probably stop. Hearing about this amazingly twisted idea of getting back with him, which is literally not an option as, if you've read my post(s), he doesn't want to get back with me-isn't helping me. An impossible notion. And one that, if it were possible, is advised against by everyone on this forum with respect to this and any comparable situation.

Maybe you need to show her the advice you've gotten here.

As a therapist she should certainly know that an ex who clearly does not want to be together is not

a person you can just call and say "I want you" and have them reply with "ok then we're back together".

You need to go to someone else who empowers you to be okay without him and help you build your confidence

to the point where you can heal and be able to look at someone else with the same attraction you had for him.

A therapist should never provide you with false hope. I'm sorry you're having this experience.