Should I give up on her? (6+ years together) broke up 3 months ago.

We’ve been together for 6 years, lived together for 3.

I can’t begin to describe how much she changed my life and how much she means to me.

The last year of our relationship has been bad. Lots of fighting, lots of miscommunication and miss-understanding. There was no cheating.

The signs were there, she was telling me she was losing her feelings, and I just stupidly ignored it (not totally of course) but I couldn’t believe there was something that could break us.

I was going to propose in the spring.

She broke up with me 3 months ago, and moved out of our apartment.

The first couple of days were very difficult, I’ve made all the classic mistakes, but then i didn’t contact her at all for the first 3 weeks or so, and I was feeling pretty ok, going on dates (pretty weird and unsatisfying experience), but mainly I felt alright.

Sent her a closure mail, nothing about how much I love her or anything, just wishing her well and she replied politely and that was it for a while.

About a month ago she kept texting me about apartment related matters, and logistics, she still had some stuff at the apartment, and we started texting each other here and there, everything was polite and in good terms.

I’ve asked her to meet for coffee and she declined.

So I brought her coffee to her work (she works a 1 minute walk from my apartment) and told her I left it on the stairs.

A couple of days later I brought her coffee with a note, told her not to reply until I bring her the next one.

When I called to tell her I’m bringing her coffee and another “package” (containing notes about how we could fix our differences, and how much she means to me) she told me it is breaking her heart and I should stop, but asked if I wanted to meet instead.

We met in the park next to her work, talked a little about our relationship, she had some tears in her eyes, washed her makeup (she said it was the wind even though there was no wind) she told me that she can’t get back together now and she knows she might regret it in the future), and that was it.

I told her to take care and goodbye, I still gave her the notes and the coffee.

The next morning she texted me that she is so sorry about everything and she is sorry for texting, but to keep her updated about the apartment (even though everything was already agreed on).

I told her that I guess it’s for the best.

Since then she been texting me her and there about the apartment, or about whether I’ve found an apartment yet, or whether or not I’m taking the bed. To some I replied to some I didn’t.

This is my last week in this apartment, I think we are supposed to meet with the landlord on thursday and I guess we’ll both be present (she said she wants us both to be present).

She was acting overly kind and caring in her texts.

I feel like I’ve done basically everything I could, I’ve made many mistakes, but since we’ve meet I kept my contact with her to the bare minimum.

I love her beyond words, but the last 2 weeks since we’ve met, were quite possibly the most difficult in my life, I’m completely miserable.

I really want to let go, to understand that she’s not coming back, but It’s almost like my mind can’t fully grasp it.

On the other hand, I guess I somehow need hope, to know there’s some chance she could be back in order to move on, and get out of this state.

Should I never contact her again after everything is finalised with the apartment?

Maybe I should also add some info on her personality.

She’s a very proud person, its not easy for her to apologise or to admit mistake. stubborn but also very emotional and words mean a lot to her.

From what I understand, she is confused too but I think keeping with her decision is important to her.

I don't know if she has any feelings to me, that are more than friendly.

I think that unfortunately this one is over, OP.

She tried to warn you that she was feeling differently, but you didn't act when it was still salvageable. I was her once, with an ex who just got far too comfortable and complacent. I felt like a roommate instead of his girlfriend and I too lost interest, after having tried to impress on him that I wanted to spend more quality time together. That ex also tried to show my gestures of his love and commitment after I'd ended it, but I couldn't help how I felt by that point. I sense your ex is probably feeling the same.

I would cut contact after you finalize things with the landlord, yes. You need time to heal and accept this. One thing that might help you is remembering why things weren't working anymore. You said there was a lot of fighting and tension in the last year. What about?

Mostly about silly things. Said terrible things to each other, but the passion was always there until almost the very end.

She claimed we don’t have many common interests too, but that’s not true at all, and I proved it to her in the notes.

I don’t think i became complecent, I was delighted to see her every day and showed it to her.

I honestly don’t know how can I begin to accept this.

It takes time to accept it and be ready to move on. You will get there in time. The longer you keep talking to her the longer it will take to heal. I know it's hard but just cut off all communication now. You will be thankful for it later. If you have to contact for logistical things maybe even go through a third party.

It takes time to accept it and be ready to move on. You will get there in time. The longer you keep talking to her the longer it will take to heal. I know it's hard but just cut off all communication now. You will be thankful for it later. If you have to contact for logistical things maybe even go through a third party.

I don’t really want to seem weak to her.

There’s only a couple of days left anyhow...

She won't be thinking about how weak (or not) you appear. The aforementioned ex cried buckets in front of me when I ended it, had flowers delivered to me, wrote a long love letter asking for another change. The only thing that did was make me feel horribly guilty, as I could see how hurt he was. Never once, though, did I think he was "weak." I thought he was reacting as many would to an unwanted break-up.

For your ex, something changed along the way. A lot of arguing and nasty comments do build up, and breed resentment. That is not to say you're entirely at fault. I'm sure there's plenty she could have done differently, too. But sometimes, relationships meet their expiration dates and the fights are masking the underlying problem of growing apart.

How old are you both, if I may ask?

You made many posts about this.

You cannot hold on to hope thinking she will be back, to move on.

You have to let go completely. This is why you can't get beyond where you are.

You are also trying to bargain by thinking it's her personality preventing it.

It isn't. She made her feelings clear. You need to get to the point where you accept this.

To continue LC here and there will not help you. You're stuck like glue right now.

What I mean is that I want her to see in a positive light for quite possibly the last time we'll ever meet.

I'm not going to talk about relationships or anything of that sort, I'll ask her how was her trip to spain with her mom, which happened a bit after our breakup, and that's about it.

I just don't think that doing this through a third party will do any good to me, the damage is already done.

You made many posts about this.

 

You cannot hold on to hope thinking she will be back, to move on.

You have to let go completely. This is why you can't get beyond where you are.

 

You are also trying to bargain by thinking it's her personality preventing it.

It isn't. She made her feelings clear. You need to get to the point where you accept this.

To continue LC here and there will not help you. You're stuck like glue right now.

It would've been easier to let go if I didn't literally know that she was the one, not just emotionally, but logically too, i just know it and it kills me.

What do you mean LC? Am I supposed to ignore her about logistical matters? I don't think that's right.

It won't do any good not to me, and not to her.

It would've been easier to let go if I didn't literally know that she was the one, not just emotionally, but logically too, i just know it and it kills me.

 

What do you mean LC? Am I supposed to ignore her about logistical matters? I don't think that's right.

It won't do any good not to me, and not to her.

Get the apartment settled, I can't believe you're still there.

I thought you were close to moving out.

After that, do yourself a favor and delete her.

She did not choose you. She does not want to repair the relationship.

All you can do is move forward from this. Holding out hope is not going to bring her back.

Her knowing you are waiting for her won't bring her back either. For all you know, she likes the comfort of

knowing you're not moving on. Kinda like a safety net.

Most of us have an ex we see as the " one who got away", but moving on is crucial to healing.

I'm moving out this week, wendesday-thursday.

I'm moving out this week, wendesday-thursday.

Once you're out of there, you hopefully will begin to feel a bit better.

Right now you're trapped because you're there, all the memories you had with her there , are there

with you. One thing is missing-- her.

I've been where you are. It's a long road to recovery, but you can do this.

Please listen. If it's too much for you to go NC, LC then dwindle to NC.

Get out and meet people, be social. Keep busy. Do not date, you are not in the frame of mind to

to, but just being around different people that can make you laugh, smile, etc. is good for healing.

Possibly even find a FWB to fill that void, just make your intent clear that it will be all it is.

I understand and I’ve done most of that, but these past 2 weeks were brutal on me.

I have no idea what it is happening, i was far better when the breakup happened.

I guess I still held hope somewhere in me.

Driedoutonion,

I am right with you buddy and know how it feels.

It hurts like hell yes, but you need to let it go.

You are reaching the reality of the situation and it stings. Please go NC ASAP and keep it, for your sanity, moving forward.

Use this forum to vent and share your thoughts, whilst also keeping as active as possible.

Have faith in yourself to get through this, because you will.

I understand and I’ve done most of that, but these past 2 weeks were brutal on me.

I have no idea what it is happening, i was far better when the breakup happened.

I guess I still held hope somewhere in me.

Like Sputnik said, reality is setting in.

Look at this as a new beginning.

You wouldn't want that old relationship back anyway, it didn't work.

You don't know what the future holds, but you can make better things happen.

It's mind over matter from here on out.

I understand and I’ve done most of that, but these past 2 weeks were brutal on me.

I have no idea what it is happening, i was far better when the breakup happened.

I guess I still held hope somewhere in me.

After 6 years together I think you need to accept that it's going to hurt and be difficult for awhile. There is no easy way around the pain. You will have up days and down days for awhile...several good days in a row and then boom - a bad day. Stay off her social media, don't try to find out anything about her life. NC all the way to healing.

This is very similar to my situation, and I’m having the same struggles. Also six years. Also very LC/NC. Also broke up for same reasons. Also rougher the last two weeks than it was 2 months ago. She said she still had hope for us, and yada yada.

Knowing we should abandon hope and being capable of abandoning hope are 2 different things. Frankly, I can’t offer help, but know that you aren’t alone. These two apparently just aren’t supposed to be in our lives right now.

Question is, what do we do now? I’m literally filling up every moment of the day with positive things. Gym, yoga, therapy, volunteering, dates, 2 jobs, running, trip. I guess I suggest you do the same. Decide to find your best self, and then do it.

You're hurting a lot right now because reality is starting to sink in. And it's going to take a long time to process and accept.

The idea of "the one" keeps so many people stuck. They are convinced that this one person is the only one that can make them happy, they know deep-down it's meant to be, and so on. But "The One" doesn't walk away.

It's going to be hard, but you will get through it. There will be great days, and bad days. Healing isn't linear or logical. You will almost certainly feel a little better once you're out of the apartment you shared, and away from old reminders. New surroundings and building new memories for yourself is incredibly therapeutic, but you have to remember to be patient with yourself too. This will take time, but remember that you won't always feel this way. You will start to feel better, a little a time.