Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 9 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 81

Thread: GF got raped, what do I do?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    6,353
    I still hope sincerely that she stays away from him. If he truly raped her, he is a rapist and that's a criminal act. I wished she would make a police report so he doesn't do this other girls.

    How can she even consider staying around him?

  2. #22
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Age
    38
    Posts
    646
    So why did she sleep over at his place instead of calling you? That seems strange to me, especially if she wants to have contact with him....

    If you are going to continue in the relationship, you will have to believe her no matter what I guess....

    I am just a bit biased though, because one time a girl slept with my friend after a night out at the bar and then falsely accused him of raping her (most likely after feeling guilty for cheating on her boyfriend). Luckily, my other friend was there that night and that same girl offered to sleep with him like 20 minutes before. As soon as the judge heard that, he immediately said case dismissed. The poor guy was so scared for his life.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    1,316
    Gender
    Male
    " but when drunk she doesn't realize it not appropriate.".

    Drunkness is not a free pass.

    I think you should ask her to go to a therapy and see if she refuses that.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    10,594
    While I'd have a lot of sympathy for her situation, I'd have to make a decision of who I want in my life as a partner and what I want to deal with as a result. If my girlfriend was getting drunk to the point she's not aware that sitting on a dude's lap could be taken sexually (or, perhaps worse, she could think back on it sober and come to the same conclusion) and, even if vaguely understandable, she insisted on keeping a man who'd sexually assaulted her in her life, I simply couldn't do it. Again, I'd have sympathy and wouldn't voice any doubts over what happened, but I need to look at my own life and my own balance.

    And to throw in with just a bit of science as it's a pretty common misconception, you actually don't remember any more after you've been drinking and the alcohol inhibits the processing of long-term memories. What you don't remember you unfortunately will never remember. Your brain may take whatever memories did processand connect the dots with logic and imagination, but those connections won't have been a processed memory.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    14
    Originally Posted by willdation
    So why did she sleep over at his place instead of calling you? That seems strange to me, especially if she wants to have contact with him....
    She was very drunk. Didn't sleep properly all night. She was drifting in a out of consciousness so I don't blame her for not calling. The way she wants to keep contact is I think she is in denial. She just wants to move on quickly and force herself to carry on things like normal, I see that now

  7. #26
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    9,886
    What type of contact is she wanting to maintain, exactly?

    What is the history between her and him?

  8. #27
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    14
    Originally Posted by Wolfshook
    " but when drunk she doesn't realize it not appropriate.".

    Drunkness is not a free pass.

    I think you should ask her to go to a therapy and see if she refuses that.
    Yeah. She's like this because her mum is an alcoholic and she has to see this all the time. But this is a separate issue I guess. What I leaned is that the rape, and the the getting drunk and appearing flirty unintentionally are two different things. She doesn't want to cheat, I believe her and love her alot. I need to tackle the issues one at a time, to help her heal first

  9. #28
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    14,624
    Gender
    Female
    My question is what is she doing going out and getting drunk with another man? You say that she usually leaves the bar with the guy she is accusing of raping her. Does she go out alone with him often? If she goes to the bar with him again after this then I'd be questioning her memory of the events and wanting to know why she would put herself in that position yet again with him.

    She would do well to get therapy... perhaps if she does, she'll get the confidence to report him to the police.

    Originally Posted by j.man
    While I'd have a lot of sympathy for her situation, I'd have to make a decision of who I want in my life as a partner and what I want to deal with as a result. If my girlfriend was getting drunk to the point she's not aware that sitting on a dude's lap could be taken sexually (or, perhaps worse, she could think back on it sober and come to the same conclusion) and, even if vaguely understandable, she insisted on keeping a man who'd sexually assaulted her in her life, I simply couldn't do it. Again, I'd have sympathy and wouldn't voice any doubts over what happened, but I need to look at my own life and my own balance.
    I think that is how most men would look at it.

    For someone who was black out drunk she has a very good memory of what happened ~ right down to refusing his offer to call her a cab.

    Op: How long have you and your g/f been dating? Why didn't she call you? Were you working or something?

  10. #29
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Age
    29
    Posts
    2,011
    Gender
    Female
    I think she's lying.

    Even when very drunk, she should know it's inappropriate to go over to a guy's place while being in a relationship with you and sitting on his lap is crossing the line. She now doesn't want to cut this guy off, even though he supposedly raped her?

    Uh that doesn't sound right. It sounds like she wanted to sleep with him and just made an excuse up.

    ^ And yeah, why is she drinking so much with another guy? That's incredibly bad boundaries to begin with.

  11. #30
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    14
    She was drinking at work. She has only ever met up with him once (with me) and shared a shift with him. This is the 2nd ship. For clarification, she doesn't want to be friends with him, she just wants it to be not awkward for her sake. She is utterly incapable of lying, I realize straight away and she is a very honest person. She lied to me once about something very minor, and I caught it, so I don't think she is lying about this, no.

Page 3 of 9 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •