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Thread: GF got raped, what do I do?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I'm sorry but I agree with Sweetgirl on this one.

    If someone is raped they will be very upset and won't want to see the rapist never mind remain friends. I'm sorry OP, something isn't right here.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    I'm sorry but I agree with Sweetgirl on this one.

    If someone is raped they will be very upset and won't want to see the rapist never mind remain friends. I'm sorry OP, something isn't right here.
    No two snowflakes are the same, asserting how someone should react to trauma to make it believable for you is an irresponsible game.

  3. #13
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    I guess this whole thing is a balancing act. I am upset because she put herself in the situation by drinking to much, and being drunk is not an excuse for coming onto him, even if she didn't want a sexual advance. Her relationship with alcohol is different to mine, since she has an alcoholic mother, and I grew up in a conservative family where no one drinks. I do drink but I am always in control. Things like going to work slightly buzzed after a little drink is not something I would ever do, but since the job she is working at the moment is only cantering, she thinks its fine. Hypothetically, If the same thing happened to me, without the rape (I was drunk and came onto someone accidentally), she wouldn't be upset because she would say it's the alcohols fault, which I do not agree with. I need to make her realize that alcohol is not an excuse, and that she shouldn't put herself in that position, but also that the rape was not her fault at all. I already deal with depression and PTSD, so this kind of thing is very difficult for me.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    I'm sorry but I agree with Sweetgirl on this one.

    If someone is raped they will be very upset and won't want to see the rapist never mind remain friends. I'm sorry OP, something isn't right here.
    My justification is that she is numb. This kind of stuff has happened before. She doesn't have any friends, and when people have done her wrong in the past, she doesn't cut them out because she really only has me and wants other friends. When something of similar nature has happened however, she has cut them out, but it made her feel worse. She just wants to be okay with what happened. She wants to carry on as normal even if it won't help her and will make me very upset. She doesn't have the self respect for herself.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    I'm sorry but I agree with Sweetgirl on this one.

    If someone is raped they will be very upset and won't want to see the rapist never mind remain friends. I'm sorry OP, something isn't right here.
    Ya, I'm really most concerned they are coworkers.
    If it's true, and she told, she may fear losing her job, or he may lose his.
    If she tells, it's her word vs his. Black out drunk makes the situation really difficult to even prove.

    I'm also wondering what his level of drunkenness was.
    If he apologizes to her, it would say a lot more.
    This is questionable.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by ballisticlava
    I guess this whole thing is a balancing act. I am upset because she put herself in the situation by drinking to much, and being drunk is not an excuse for coming onto him, even if she didn't want a sexual advance. Her relationship with alcohol is different to mine, since she has an alcoholic mother, and I grew up in a conservative family where no one drinks. I do drink but I am always in control. Things like going to work slightly buzzed after a little drink is not something I would ever do, but since the job she is working at the moment is only cantering, she thinks its fine. Hypothetically, If the same thing happened to me, without the rape (I was drunk and came onto someone accidentally), she wouldn't be upset because she would say it's the alcohols fault, which I do not agree with. I need to make her realize that alcohol is not an excuse, and that she shouldn't put herself in that position, but also that the rape was not her fault at all. I already deal with depression and PTSD, so this kind of thing is very difficult for me.
    Given all that you've just written, you are both needing therapy for this.
    You will harbor the resentment of her drinking, and surely this will come out when you argue. Unless you both resolve these issues, your relationship is heading down a rocky road.

  8. #17
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    Even if she won't report it to authorities, I would strongly suggest she see a therapist to deal with the conflicting emotions that are sure to arise as a result of this. Given that she needs to continue to see him at work, she is going to be dealing with that fine line of being professional and being traumatized.

    I do, however, believe she needs to cut him off from any and all non-professional interaction. She needs to do this both for herself and to send him the message loudly and clearly that what happened was unacceptable and not without consequence. They cannot continue to be buds, or he will is going to get the impression that she doesn't have a problem with it and might even try it on again with her.

    Can you perhaps suggest you two see a counselor together? You are going to have a lot of trouble processing this as well.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by SweetGirl28
    Ya, I'm really most concerned they are coworkers.
    If it's true, and she told, she may fear losing her job, or he may lose his.
    If she tells, it's her word vs his. Black out drunk makes the situation really difficult to even prove.

    I'm also wondering what his level of drunkenness was.
    If he apologizes to her, it would say a lot more.
    This is questionable.
    He was not drunk at all. He gave her weed even when she was off her face drunk. He apologized a lot, but he keeps saying you shouldn't have come home with me, you shouldn't have sat in my lap, kinda copping out of the situation as to not take responsibility. Its bull though, since he carried on when she pushed him off, said No multiple times, was shaking and constantly drifting out of consciousness

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Can you perhaps suggest you two see a counselor together? You are going to have a lot of trouble processing this as well.
    I currently do go counselling, and she should be starting soon.It would be difficult to go to the same Councillor since we can't afford it, are both young, and the only free services provided are individual.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by ballisticlava
    He was not drunk at all. He gave her weed even when she was off her face drunk. He apologized a lot, but he keeps saying you shouldn't have come home with me, you shouldn't have sat in my lap, kinda copping out of the situation as to not take responsibility. Its bull though, since he carried on when she pushed him off, said No multiple times, was shaking and constantly drifting out of consciousness
    Oh.... I'm sorry
    If any of this was thru text, she can have a case if she chooses.
    It will be a long, ugly road to go down, but it's her decision.

    I hope you both get thru this.

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