I’ve never dated as an adult and having trouble getting into the game as a man.

So ive stayed in touch with this one girl I have crushed on for years after finding out she was taken. She finally became single and she actually asked me out for drinks the first 2 times we went out. We went out a total of 6 times the past 3 months. Here’s the deal. She’s a GOOD girl. We’ve even talked about how we don’t like to have sex with others until we are basically in love. (I said it first and she said she’s the same.) When we do go out, I definitely feel like she’s flirting with me and she texted me every night after we go out about how much fun she had and it just feels like she’s really into me in these moments. BUT. I try to see her at least once or twice a week, but we only see each other about once every other weekend.. from this I feel like I’m not much of a priority to her.. it makes me lose feels for her because I feel like she’s not “trying” enough or not that into me. Anybody have experience in these situations? We are both 23 and both dated someone for 6 years and I feel like I’m inexperienced when it comes to dating as an adult. She has told me things like you’re attractive, we are soulmates, I feel like I’ve known you in many life times, and she even told me she had an intimate dream of her and I which she refused to get into details.. we haven’t kissed or held hands yet. I want to make the move, but feel like maybe it’s too soon? I don’t want to fall in the friend zone.. it’s so hard to know what to do!

What exactly do you mean when you say "she is not trying"? As a woman, I usually like it when the man tries; if I feel like I have to hunt him down and put most effort, it feels wrong and I am afraid to impose. Although both people should put in the effort, I personally prefer when the man gives somewhat more attention so I know for a fact that he likes me.

So, do you actually ask her out 1-2 x per week and she says no? What does she usually give as an explanation? If she says no to a date, ask her why not, at least to understand. If you are both towards the end of college, maybe it's a busy time with studies? Or she prefers to go slower? There is not enough information.

The whole going out thing just feels so confusing to me.

Positives:

1. she casually brought up how she doesn’t hangout with other guys. I thought this was some kind of way she’s trying to tell me I’m the only one she’s seeing.

2. She’s always saying things like (we should do that next time!) constantly saying things about seeing each other in the future.

3. Very flirty. Laughs at everything I say lol even when I’m not saying anything she laughs at me for being quiet. Agrees with almost everything I say.

4. She has told me that she feels like we’ve been together in multiple life times and she said her and I are soul mates.

CONS:

After seeing her 5 times, I didn’t see her for over a month! I tried asking her out on 4 occasions and 2 of them she said she was working and 1 she was too tired to go out because of work. She never bothered rescheduling.. then I asked her on a picnic the 4th time and she didn’t respond for 2 days! I texted again asking if she was okay and she texted back a sincere apology about how busy she’s been with work and she simply said “if I have a free day I’m down.” At this point my interest in her hit rock bottom because I realized I’m starting to look desperate.. after not messaging her for 3 days she texted and she called me to tell me about something funny that happened at her job. She seemed like nothing was wrong, but I was just wondering wth does she want!? I ended the conversation early and told her I had to go. The next night she texted me and told me she had an intimate dream of us. I started feeling so confused.. I asked her out that night and she again was like “ehh idk, I planned on staying in tonight, I’ve been feeling introverted and uncomfortable with myself lately.” I insisted that she came out with me and she ACTUALLY SAID YES! We went out to a bar and she did seem a little quieter but we shared laughs throughout and I felt like it was a great night. At the end of the night I still didn’t kiss her. She’s out of town for work and will be back tomorrow and we’ve texted a couple texts a day but I’m at a point where I’m so confused that I don’t even want to ask her out again. I have no idea how I should act around her. Friendly or flirty? I want to make a move before I land deep in the friend zone. Sometimes even I feel like putting her in the friend zone even though I find her very attractive. I want to be her lover but Idk what she wants. Her signals are so mixed.

It sounds like she has interest. She has accepted your dates and responds to you. I would say that if you want this to be more than friends, on your next date you definitely have to make a move and show her that you like her more than a friend.

Incidentally, her mentioning that she had an intimate dream about you is a very good sign.

Initiate a kiss, or maybe put your hand on her back when you are walking, even try to hold her hand. But if you're looking for it to be romantic you have to at least try.

Hmm, yes, I'd say that she may be expecting you to make a move/kiss her, and move things to beyond friendship. Perhaps if you do that, you'd be 'together' more clearly and properly, and then she wouldn't blow you off for long periods of time. I would try that.

She definitely 100% has interest. However, if you do not make a move, she will eventually be ok with just being friends and that is how things will turn out most likely....

I am not saying to go out and sleep with her right away....but there is nothing with trying to kiss her or hold her hand etc.... just something so she knows you are interested in her romantically through your actions....