Boyfriend with bad temper

My boyfriend and I are in a long term relationship, and recently we have talked about moving to another city. While the opportunity to move somewhere new seems really exciting I'm conflicted if I want to start over in a new city with him.

The problem is his temper. When we first started dating everything was great but as time went on I got to see how bad his temper really is. It feels like I'm constantly walking on eggshells becuase anything can trigger a temper tantrum.

Don't get me wrong he's a great guy when he's not throwing temper tantrums; he's caring, he makes me laugh, we get along great, and we like a lot of the same things. I'm just worried that he'll never change.

An example of his outburst: he likes to wake up early like 6 am early because he has trouble sleeping. I on the other hand have no trouble sleeping and I enjoy "sleeping in" on MY days off, and when I say sleep in I mean waking up at 9 or 10 am. On one particular morning I had it with being woken up before I was ready, so I let him know that I wanted to sleep in becuase I was still tired and I had gone to bed late (I get off work at 2 am). When I let him know that I wanted to continue sleeping, and that I was still tired he freaked out on me. Going on about how bored he is and how he has to wait for me every day to wake up. Then he goes on to call me lazy, and that I'm a loser for wanting to sleep more. He calls me names; , , stupid, and all becuase I want to sleep a few more hours. He starts going off about how if his mom found out how much I slept or how late I like sleeping in that she'd laugh at me and think that I'm a "lazy ".

it always feels like my needs or emotions aren't valid, and sometimes his outburst really get me. I try not to let his anger affect how I feel about myself but lately it's getting harder.

I just don't know if he can change. Is it possible to just over look these outbursts? Help

Have you expressed to him how you feel? Have you asked him to make a change for the better at all? You have to communicate.

I've tried once, but he got mad at me and told me that I was stupid. Im never sure how to approach the topic, so I don't offend him.

He's emotionally abusing you and it is causing you to 'walk on eggshells'. That's not healthy. Nobody who loves you should talk to you that way. Ever. I would leave. Don't move to a different city with him where you have no support network. It will only get worse.

This is emotionally abusive behaviour.

Read up on warning signs of an abuser. Never isolate yourself from friends and family, your job or your current area. Isolation is just another trick in their bag. So is raging, name calling etc. It's to wear you down and make himself feel better and more in control. He doesn't care how you feel. He doesn't have a temper problem, he has a power and control problem.

If you work until 2 am, then sleeping until 9 or 10 isn't sleeping in. It's just getting proper sleep relative to your work schedule. How dare he call you lazy and blame you for his boredom. Look, when you are walking on eggshells and saying things like "he is really great when he is not raging at me and calling me names" you don't have a great boyfriend or a great relationship. You have an abusive jerk who is cycling between good and abuse in the standard abuser fashion. You won't like my advice, but the only cure in this kind of a situation is to dump him and get him out of your life for good.

Trying to talk to him or tell him how you feel is useless and will get you exactly what you are getting, more rage. This is so, because in his mind he isn't wrong and how dare you claim that he is. People like that do not admit fault. It's everyone else's fault, but never theirs.

The later my lady sleeps in, the more time I have shamelessly gaming by myself in my underwear. I've never in my life heard a man complain about having alone time in the morning. I'd dump him based on that, never mind the abusive yelling bouts.

I've tried once, but he got mad at me and told me that I was stupid. Im never sure how to approach the topic, so I don't offend him.

If he is telling you you are stupid then that's a huge red flag. My boyfriend would never talk to me that way!

It will get worse, not better - especially after moving away from family/friends. I wouldn't do it, and I would end the relationship regardless of moving plans.

Could be a lot of issues with him, Ill name just two.

1. He has a temper, its not going to go away, its only going to get worse. If you are walking on egg shells now, youll be walking on glass later. Couples counseling would be a possible solution if he is willing to go.

2. He is sabotaging the relationship. He wants you to break up with him so he can be the bad guy. Ive done this tactic before. Just be mean, nit-pick, pick arguments for no good reason. All to have the girl say "we are done". I think he wants out. Again... in this scenario, things are not going to get better.

He is verbally abusice. If someone calls you a “loser” or “stupid”, leave them. Also - he’s “bored” waiting for you to wake up? He can’t find something to do?!

You need a new boyfriend. Poor baby cant cope on his own while you sleep? Good grief, that is childish behaviour as are his temper tantrums. How old is this gem?

What a jackhole. There's no talking to someone like this; you just need to remove him from your life.

I hate to jump on the float of doom going on here but I agree with everyone ...and it gets worse from here in my experience ...I made a promise to myself a long time ...the first time I feel like I am tip toeing around someone to keep the peace , not ruffle or upset them ...I am out ....

This guy is bullying you. Why continue to date someone who constantly degrades you?

Good on his mother for waking him up early, but he didn't work until 2 am under that parenting. You are a different person in a different circumstance; he should be respecting that.

This will get much worse, OP. I speak from experience.

I have a bit of an anger problem and I have worked my @ss off to fix it. Not an easy thing to do.

But since puberty I have been very aware of it. Being raised by a physically abusive father does that sometimes.

But words are worthless. Actions are the only thing that count here.

From the viewpoint of a male that has spent 20 years working on anger issues I can say that I really doubt he will change.

It has to be internal. There is nothing you can do to help him in this. He doesn't sound like he truly wants to change so any attempt on your part is just pissing in the wind.