Is it just a fantasy

Hi everyone. I question should I be worried. My boyfriend recent search of porn was VR porn, strangers touching and some videos where women are telling what to do with yourself (more like commanding), among other types. I have nothing against the use of porn but these searches raise few red flags. We've been together for about two years, sex was good, for the last month something was different, can't say exactely what.

Why I am worried about these types of porn is that he searched for something to activly participate. I am affraid he is bored by me and my body because he've seen it all and can't stop asking what will happen in 5 or 10 years. We are both in our early 30is, no kids.

Am I right to be worried and bring it up or it's just a fantasy and I should levae it alone?

Why don't you just bring it up and start off with this: "I know there isn't any harm in watching porn however;

I am worried about these types of porn is that he searched for something to activly participate. I am affraid he is bored by me and my body because he've seen it all and can't stop asking what will happen in 5 or 10 years.

Hopefully he will be able to assuage your worries. How did you find out what porn he was looking at and if you were snooping then be prepared to get some flak for doing that. Just apologize and keep the conversation on track regarding how you're feeling worried and what the two of you can do to keep on, keeping on.

Maybe suggest incorporating some of his fantasies and include some of your own to spice things up. If he likes domineering women, why not dress up as a dominatrix/ throw on a wig and shout out some commands....he probably would be thrilled with this new animal in you.

Why don't you just bring it up and start off with this: "I know there isn't any harm in watching porn however; Then come up with a solution together that will help the two of you to keep the passion burning. If him participating in live action camming (or whatever it is he is doing is a romantic relationship boundary for you then let him know that you find THAT type of porn a violation of that romantic relationship boundary.

 

Hopefully he will be able to assuage your worries. How did you find out what porn he was looking at and if you were snooping then be prepared to get some flak for doing that. Just apologize and keep the conversation on track regarding how you're feeling worried and what the two of you can do to keep on, keeping on.

I knew he was watching and wanted to know what turns him on so I could add some varaity. Unfortunately this I can't do anything to fulfill

Maybe suggest incorporating some of his fantasies and include some of your own to spice things up. If he likes domineering women, why not dress up as a dominatrix/ throw on a wig and shout out some commands....he probably would be thrilled with this new animal in you.

I would have no probleme with that, but I can't be someone else and someone new

Some people are perfectly fine with porn but put up a stop sign when it comes to interaction. While it doesn't sound like my cup of tea, I can see how someone who's all around reasonable could want to explore the VR bit just to see what it's like. It's kinda crazy that VR is becoming a thing... like... a real thing. Not the cheesy **** that's been thrown at us the past few decades. Still, you're within your right to make your boundaries known.

That said, I'd be careful lumping this in with your own insecurities regarding your body and aging and any complications you two may be having with your sex life. How's your relationship going, VR aside?

I knew he was watching and wanted to know what turns him on so I could add some varaity. Unfortunately this I can't do anything to fulfill

Well "virtual reality" you can't fulfil but certainly you can have cam 'sex' through facetime or skype together.

Some people are perfectly fine with porn but put up a stop sign when it comes to interaction. While it doesn't sound like my cup of tea, I can see how someone who's all around reasonable could want to explore the VR bit just to see what it's like. It's kinda crazy that VR is becoming a thing... like... a real thing. Not the cheesy **** that's been thrown at us the past few decades. Still, you're within your right to make your boundaries known.

 

That said, I'd be careful lumping this in with your own insecurities regarding your body and aging and any complications you two may be having with your sex life. How's your relationship going, VR aside?

That is exactly where I stand with it. I am ok with porn but not interaction with others. In years to come where does he put a line, cause there will be interaction with other users. To me thats the same as sexting someone known or unknown.

Well relationship with ups and downs, with the communication as the biggest issue (for me). I think he is not very open to talk about everday stuff, feelings etc. The biggest problem is that most of the time I see the problem and bring it up so I'm sort of a Grinch of the relationship.

And i almost forgot to add, on his part my trust issues cause he have done some things I haven't approved and thought he haven't heard and understand where I'm coming from and why I feel hurt by it. And my insecurities coming from childhood so I need to see he apriciates, respect and love me. That is something I would classified as communication problems.

Well "virtual reality" you can't fulfil but certainly you can have cam 'sex' through facetime or skype together.

You are right, that is something we could try.

You are right, that is something we could try.

You may find it intimidating at first but with practice and the right lighting... wooooHeeeee. lol

Well relationship with ups and downs, with the communication as the biggest issue (for me). I think he is not very open to talk about everday stuff, feelings etc. The biggest problem is that most of the time I see the problem and bring it up so I'm sort of a Grinch of the relationship.

Not knowing enough to assign blame on anyone even if I wanted to, I will say that if he essentially can't quietly exist without getting harangued or even just needing to have a discussion about it, that will kill your sexual relationship a lot faster than VR ever could.

What are "every day" things you wish he'd talk about? And what are problems you bring up?

 

Not knowing enough to assign blame on anyone even if I wanted to, I will say that if he essentially can't quietly exist without getting harangued or even just needing to have a discussion about it, that will kill your sexual relationship a lot faster than VR ever could.

Small talk, what your days has been like, if we heard something new and interesting, not just how has my work been. I don't talk that much, I'm introverted. Problems like that we don't talk and share things, thinghs I perecive as secrecy. Than he say taht I don't talk and we go arround with the same. It does get better for some time than the same again. I even suggested counseling so we can learn to communicate but still haven't got definitive yes or no