Girlfriend of 1.5 years and I have broken up and need some advice!

Hello All, thank you for reading this post. I will basically get straight to the point... My girlfriend of 1.5 Years and I have broken up... Before getting to why let me explain the beginning of our relationship..

We started dating last April. Everything was going by so fast, we literally met each other's parents 1.5 month into the relationship, posting non stop on social media, and talking incessantly about each other to our friends. I couldn't find too many flaws. Other than the fact that she was a little to close with one of her exes. I went thru her phone once, and they talked like besties. I mean he seemed like a non threat for sure. Her second bf, was the dude she was dating right before me, who she dumped. He was still in love with her.

Then one day I went on a cruise, and was hit with 2 bombshells.. 1) She was talking to her first boyfriend. I only found out because i had to ask her all these in detail questions, and she ended up deleting the texts. Pissed me off.. and 2) She apparently met up with her second boyfriend at an icecream place. Her excuse was 'that his brother wanted to commit suicide from drug withdrawals' and that he needed someone to talk to. And guess what.. his texts were deleted as well!! I was extra annoyed bc the only way that i found out was thru non stop questioning..

Well needless to say resentment built up on my side. I lost my patience with her. i was always eager to break up with her, and she would cry and beg for me to stay. I felt like i had this upper hand. Whenever she would get mad and leave i would NEVER chase her. I guess it was bc i never got full closure from what were in those texts. I ended up making out with a chick one night when i was drunk at a club. And i downloaded a tinder when i was in chicago (didn't hook up with anyone bc no matches lol). But yea i was in rebellion mode, messaging many girls how beautiful they were.. TBH, i would not have done any of that if she was not soo annoying with her exe's. And she always had this overly flirtatious nature, that i blasted her for alot. She grew up as the ugly duckling, and transformed into this beautiful girl right during our relationship, so she fiended off of attention..

Anyways, we both loved each other. Been thru the ups and down. I was going to ask her to marry me. Both our parents gave each other the blessings. Until one day. I go back home, and she goes out with her friends. My boy texts me that she apparently was drunk and making out with this dude half the night. I was livid. I broke it off with her. I was so much in my feels that i ended up speeding and ended up getting in an accident. A few days went by and she begged me to get back with her. She even threatened suicide. So i took her back.

I gave some ground rules. As i was talking i asked her if she ever texted the dude she got with. And she was giving me her bs half truths. I eventually found out she had been texting him after the night she got drunk. I was soo pissed and heartbroken... I mean this whole time i thought it was a one time drunk thing. Her explanation was that I had been neglecting her and she just wanted someone to talk too. This was true... i was so involved in my full time job, my masters, my businesses that i wasn't giving her much time at all. But still man... she could've talked to me right? She always needs some dude to be texting 'just to talk'. I mean she's waiting to get into grad school, and has nothing but time. Works a part time job but that's it. Other than that just a boatload of time to do who knows what

She begged me to stay with her. I called her every name in the book told her i never loved her and just used her and kicked her out... A few days went by and I was in so much pain, that i decided we could try to make it work. Before taking her back i told her everything wrong i did in the relationship, like hooking up, and flirting with other girls. She was pissed, but took me back. We tried to take an orlando trip with our friends to rekindle the relationship. Was AWFUL. Neither one of us trusted each other and we just resented each other.

She broke up with me when we got back. I could tell it was a fake breakup. She just wanted me to fight for her, bc i literally never begged her to stay, and she fought for me alot when i found out about her. But i never really apologized on cheating on her while drunk. Instead i was fed up with the bull. I told her i already began talking to another girl. She was heartbroken, even though she was trying to pretend like she wasn't. A few days went by, she tried to text and call, and i didn't bother answering back. I foudn out she started to hook up with the same guy she cheated with..

I know for a fact that i don't want her to be my wife. She is emotionally unstable, very low maturity (only 22 im 25), very untrustworthy. But i STILL love her. She loves me too. She called me on my birthday and was like... i'm literally drinking all day today to ignore the fact im not spending your bday with you. She's still in love with me, always texts,drunk calls, snaps me first. There was even a day where i was on a date, and i saw her car stalking me.. I caught her and confronted her. She broke down crying saying she wanted to know if we can ever reconcile...

what do y'all think? I know if i give 10-15 min of effort, i can have her back in my life. But is it even worth it? I mean 3-4 times deleting texts, lying right to my face. Or is it good to do what i've been doing. No initiation in contact ever from my end? her bday is coming up... and im thinking if it's even worth wishing her.. Just don't know if it's wise to open up communication.

We are both still soo much in love with each other. We always talked about getting married and having kids. And now it's more confusing than ever...

Well, if you don't mind your girlfriend cheating with numerous guys behind your back, sure, take her back. You just can't trust her. She's still in the teenage partying phase of her life! I would say she would be a great FWB, but you were thinking of marrying her and having kids, so you're too attached emotionally.

Maybe you can get together in 5 or 10 years, but right now she's too unstable, too flighty, too crazy right now.

Well, if you don't mind your girlfriend cheating with numerous guys behind your back, sure, take her back. You just can't trust her. She's still in the teenage partying phase of her life! I would say she would be a great FWB, but you were thinking of marrying her and having kids, so you're too attached emotionally.

 

Maybe you can get together in 5 or 10 years, but right now she's too unstable, too flighty, too crazy right now.

You really hit it on the money. Ill be honest. Ive had many hookups in undergrad, and a few girls that were serious. But never really had a relationship. The only 2 i had were 1) long distance but was miniscule, 2) a relationship that lasted a week, because she ended up moving. So this is the first time I had a full on girlfriend experience. Which may be why the post breakup part has been soo confusing.

What is your take on being in touch after a breakup? Never really had to deal with it.. I don't want to look like this bitter dude, so i just said it's best to stay cordial incase any emergency ever arises. But did want to cut her off Cold turkey because we both really love each other. And when she asked... I left a 1 % chance room for reconciliation down the next few years if she does mature....

which begs the question... Does reconciliation work after months/years after both partners have been unfaithful ? We never smashed somoen else, but kissing and flirting with others, if that matters. It's clear I am in a more mature state in my life.. however all her close friends are in college at this point . So she really hasn't had the chance to mature into a woman yet

Honestly? You've both got a lot of maturing to do.

Neither of you really knows how to communicate and resolve conflict effectively with each other; you both lash out and misbehave when you're angry. She is sneaky and dishonest; you have not always been the most upstanding boyfriend either.

I think it's better to just leave each other be and move on. You're not good for each other.

Honestly? You've both got a lot of maturing to do.

 

Neither of you really knows how to communicate and resolve conflict effectively with each other; you both lash out and misbehave when you're angry. She is sneaky and dishonest; you have not always been the most upstanding boyfriend either.

 

I think it's better to just leave each other be and move on. You're not good for each other.

thank you for the opinion. I do agree with you. I think i was very childish throughout the relationship as well. It was my first real gf, and i think i could have handled the relationship a lot better. Oh well.... I cannot really control that anymore since it was the past. But I can control the future of the relationship. Guess it is best to move on and not look back. A part of me was like, if we are separated for a few months to years, maybe we will both gain a lot of perspective and insight. And then we can give love one more shot. But the more forums that I am reading, the more that I realize that once the trust is broken, it always leads back to the same result..

Has anyone ever had a reconciliation really work out... Or is is just a way of extending the inevitable?

She disrespected your boundaries and wanted you to return with a grand gesture. The only gesture you should make is a No Contact break. In any relationship its good to talk about boundaries and respect ASAP, make sure you are both on the same page.

She disrespected your boundaries and wanted you to return with a grand gesture. The only gesture you should make is a No Contact break. In any relationship its good to talk about boundaries and respect ASAP, make sure you are both on the same page.

Yes you are 100 percent right. Her Birthday is coming up. She wished me for mine last month. However she tried to open a line of convo that I shut down pretty quickly. I am going to wish her 'happy birthday' just so i don't look salty. Her bday is tomorrow. But after that complete cutting off. TBH, im surprised ppl can really be friends with their exes. I tried that with a few exes in the past, and it worked.. only because I never really loved them. But once you love someone it seems very hard to stay friends with them. Thats my 2 cents..

Anyways I entertained reconcialition a while back, but i think that door is closed. Think my logical mind was clouded with irrational emotion. I am already 10 times more productive without her, and am enjoying the single life. Not really getting smashed every week and trying to hook up with a bunch of girls. But rather, working out, eating healthy, reading , meditating, working on my businesses and saving money. Hopefully the right wifey will work their way into my life one day. But in no rush. Only 26 right now. Thanks to everyone for the advice.